Crabs and Flying Zookeepers!

You know how there are just some days?  The days when it really didn't pay to get out of bed?

That was yesterday.

The day started way too early and there was just one hiccup after another but the exhibits got to visit a neighboring Zoo for a while and they were happy with that idea.  Mid afternoon our neighboring exhibits came to visit so that they could meet Rookie Walter.

We all decided to visit on the driveway where the wee ones could play with sidewalk chalk while Walter got some fresh air.  He still hasn't gotten used to staying in the yard yet so he has to be on his leash for these little adventures.  I was chatting with my Neighbor and not really paying very much attention to Walter's leash until I stood up and realized that I had one leg tangled. 

You see where this is going right?

Now in his defense, he didn't pull or lunge or anything to that effect.  He just tried to walk to see Rhino's art work.  Behind me.  Did I mention it's a retractable leash?  I don't know why I didn't release it.  I just know that before I could even blink my legs went out from under me and flipped up over my head.   The following dialogue played out in my brain.

You're airborne you know.
Yeah that occurred to me.
Try not to land on your head.
Ok but I can't let go of the dog either.
You're coming down now.  And pretty fast.
This is going to hurt.
I wonder which body part I'm going to land on.
Who cares? I still have a grip on the dog.
I probably shouldn't land on the Rhino.

CRASH!!  and Rollllll right on down the driveway.   The next thing I heard was my Neighbor telling me to let go of the leash; she had the dog.  Then the dog licked me and I opened my eyes.  Assessment.  I landed on my elbow which was surprisingly free of blood.  I apparently had my feet slightly tucked under me because I bruised a heel and a little toe.  I didn't notice until about an hour later that my tailbone was throbbing so I guess I made fifth point contact too.

Then Orangutan walked up to me and said, "I took this stick out of your pocket Mama."  I dissolved into laughter.  I just crashed and rolled 10 feet down the driveway and she thought to make sure I was presentable.  She didn't brush the blue chalk off my butt but I was twig free.

Obviously we called an end to the playdate.  I rounded up my exhibits and took them inside for showers.  I sent a quick message to Lion letting him know that I resembled something totalled in a car wreck and he immediately called back.  He checked on me and let me know that he was running an errand on his way home and then he dropped a little bomb.

"Hey I'm bringing home a little surprise for the family."  I'm sorry?!  Wasn't Walter a big enough surprise for this year?!

"What exactly are you bringing home?"
"A pair of hermit crabs."  Apparently word has gotten out that we are adopters.

I dropped to the floor (gently of course) and laughed myself silly.  He actually hung up on me. 

Marmie has adopted them as her own since O and Rhino have aquariums already (which are in need of restocking by the way).  Their names are Luz and Annie and she is in love with them - as in, they ate breakfast with her.

I made Lion make me a promise before he left for work today.  That he come home empty handed.  All that's left is a turtle, hamster, guinea pig or bird.  And heaven knows I'm out of space!

Top Reads if You're New to The Zoo

I started scrolling back through my posts for a while yesterday and I realized that there are some really fun posts buried way back there in July and August of last year that some of you who are new to the Zoo will never read unless you really have NO life whatsoever. So I thought I would give you the Cliff Notes Zoo Style so you can see just what this whole Zoo thing is all about. These are a few of my favorites from days gone by (what am I 80?!)

The First Note to the Zookeeper. Which was closely followed by The Zookeeper's Response.

This one is L.M. Lion's favorite - The day's when Mom hates her name.

I think this my be my sister's (the Z.I.T) favorite. When Clothing becomes optional.

And introducing Z.I.T.'s. Please don't pop them!

The study in a mother's language skills!

And finally the Mom Tip that started it all. Super Mom!

For those of you who have been with me from the beginning, thanks for hanging out! For those who are visiting for the first time - Ya'll come back now! Ya heah!

A Letter from the Zookeeper

**This is actually two letters to different people but they're short so I'll put them together.**

Dear Small Exhibits,

I love you! I love that we had a wonderful two weeks of holiday celebrations. You did a wonderful job helping to decorate the Christmas tree and I was incredibly proud of your behavior at the Christmas Eve party. I was even more impressed with your desire to share on the big day itself. A million thank you's for being so well behaved while your Auntie B and Uncle N were here too. There is a chance now that you may eventually, one day in the distant future acquire some cousins. After Auntie B's last visit I was a bit worried.

That being said? It's time for Orangutan to go back to school....YESTERDAY!! I'm glad you enjoyed your time together but if I have to break up one more inter exhibit kicking, screaming, whining, scratching, hair pulling, knock down, drag out, war to end all wars - I will shut this Zoo down until you are all over the age of 25. I will not hang around to feed you, clean up after you or do your laundry so unless you have a undiscovered dream of being skinny, hungry, dirty, smelly and altogether disgusting, I suggest you take extra care to make sure that O gets up on time for school on Tuesday.

All my love, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
Your Zookeeper.
********************************************************************

Dear Mrs. Claus,

I sincerely appreciate the attention you gave my list. You truly are your family's saint! The Ipod is being loaded as I write; the new bed set is incredibly beautiful as well as super snuggly; the new boots are incredibly stylish and the turtle neck is wonderfully versatile. The bonus pots and pans you threw in were perfect and the surprise gardening encyclopedia will be a great help in the spring when it's time to plant. You really are quite the miracle worker.

Now I know in all the hustle and bustle, you were bound to miss a few things so I thought I would let you know what was going on so you could address the problem with the problem departments before next year.

To your art department - NON washable markers and paints should be reserved for families in which ALL the children have stopped eating said art supplies. Or at least they should write the letter to the toddler Sunday School teacher explaining why her favorite student's beautiful dress was accompanied by teal teeth.

To your makeup department - all fingernail polish, makeup, lipstick and other facial acoutrements should also be reserved for familes with children in their teens. Or at least given to children who DO NOT think that the male dog would look good with purple toe nails - on the day I have cleaned the carpets.

To the Matchbox department - when giving a race track to a young boy please be sure to wrap up a box of patience for the father of said boy to be opened while they are trying to figure the blasted, too many parts, gotta have the precision timing of a NASCAR driver thing out.

Otherwise my dear, I would say you did a stellar job this year! Kudos and here's a glass of (heavily spiked) eggnog to you!

With my upmost respect,
The Zookeeper

Welcome to the MomDot Blog Party! (And my 100th Post!!)

I am so incredibly thrilled that this is Post 100! What a way to hit it!

So our Theme for Day 1: Intro to Blog Party, Introduce us to your family and share Holiday pics or videos of past years.


Sponsors: Day One Blog Party Question is Brought to you by La Belle Toile and This and That by Randi

VIP BLOGS to visit are Parent Reviewers , Mom Most Traveled, Mommy Zabs, MomStart, HipposToes, Run DMT

So you want to meet the Zoo? Brace yourself!

So first there’s me – I’m Sarah and I’m the Zookeeper (aka Mom!). When I’m not blogging (all 6 hours of the day that that happens!), I really enjoy cooking and baking; playing playdough; sewing and on the occasion that I can hide out on the deck with a book and a coffee – reading. I grew up in rural PA and now live in suburban Atlanta. I am not June Cleaver or Martha Stewart but I try really hard (or so I pretend).

Five minutes ago after children!>





Then you have Beloved, the Large Male Lion, my hubby Stephen. We met at the bank where I was working in 2002, and became pretty good friends. Our first official date was for New Year’s 2003 and in October of the same year we were married. I poke fun at him a lot but I love him with all I am and really don’t know where I would be without him – probably back in PA counting cows for a living.

Which brings us to Molly, Mo or as she is known here at the Zoo the Orangutan. Our firstborn is a bit of a wild thing. She has a very vivid imagination and loves to draw, sing, and make up stories. Mo is a HUGE Scooby Doo fan but has recently taken to singing the Smurfs theme song. What can I say? We like Boomerang!

Tucker. What in the world can I say? He comes by his Small Male Rhino alter ego naturally. Stephen and I can be stubborn but this boy makes us look like waffle makers. If he has made his mind up to do (or not do) something, you had better have large reserves of fruit on hand to make him change his mind. He is a very funny child and for those who can understand his small speech issues he can come out with some really great one liners. To which he would reply, “Aww shucks Ma! It’s nuffin!”

And now for the Pygmy Marmoset also known as Meghan, Munch or Mega Munch. If you took Mo and Tuck and mashed them together you would have Munch. She can throw a fit with the Rhino that makes dogs howl but she will dance and sing with Molly every chance she gets. I gave her the nickname Munch when she was very small because it was next to impossible to keep up with her appetite. Now that she is a full blown toddler I really don’t have to worry about it. If everyone else has left the table she just moves from seat to seat and finishes off the leftovers. Very entertaining to watch!

And finally you have the Security Guard, our Jack Russell, Max. I brought him into this family when he was just a couple of years old and Stephen was kind enough to adopt him. Now you would never know he was ever MY dog. Meghan wakes up in the morning looking for him. Tuck tries to get him to sleep in his bed every night and Daddy-O really doesn’t know how to nap without Max curled up with him. At eight years old he is incredibly tolerant of the ear pulling and belly hugging but every now and then I get that look that says, “Mom! Make them stop!”
And that my friends is The Zoo. It's a busy little place but we call it home. Feel free to stop by anytime! There may even be some cookies in it for you! Happiest of all theHoliday Seasons!

Want to Party like a rock star with the rest of the Mom Dotters? Head over to MomDot and meet the rest of the crew!

The First Ask the Zookeeper!

So I asked some of my friends to help me out and pose some "Ask the Zookeeper" questions. Did I say they were my friends? Because looking at the list of questions I got I'm beginning to wonder! So here we go!

Cooking and baking are a passion of yours and I know that you refer to them as your "therapy." How did you discover that love? And what is your favorite thing about it?

When I started staying home with the exhibits 18 months ago (wow!), I had to fill the time. I went from working 60+ hours a week to being home all day, every day. There is only so much cleaning and decluttering you can do before you are scrubbing paint off the walls. So I started to look for recipes and meals that I could make to make more of our budget and to break up the monotony of beef, chicken, fish sticks! Playing with recipes and subbing things out quickly became a challenge to meet.

What do I love about it? The smell! You know you have a recipe right when you can come in from being outside and get hit with a smell that makes your tummy rumble. Do I eat what I bake? Actually not very much. I eat my meals and I have a cookie or two but I love to give them away or share with the neighbors.

The magic babysitter fairy has taken your kids on a trip to LaLa Land for the day and you have all day to yourself to do whatever you want. What are you going to do?

Sleep in. Take a shower without someone banging on the door or pulling back the curtain. Read a book. Watch one movie from beginning to end. Do my yoga without someone hanging off of Warrior 3. Take another shower in peace just because I can. Eat a grown up meal (no chicken nuggets, corndogs, bologna, or PB&J) without someone asking for a bite. Write a while. Sew a while.

Miss them like crazy!

Where do you see yourself in 5 years? (This friend must have missed my rant about what a bogus question this is!)

Mo will be 10, Tuck will be 8, Munch will be 6. Hmmm. I will probably be going back to work finally! Something part time so I can still be with them after school but enough to keep my brain busy during the day. We will probably also be getting ready to move out of this house because we will be bursting at the seams!

Where will you be sitting when Mo graduates high school, near the exit to make a dash bc you're bawling your eyes out or on the isle standing proud and telling Tuck to behave that's his sister or front row screaming when Mo's name is called.

I'll be somewhere in the middle sniffing into a tissue hoping no one sees me. Tuck will be a surly teenager getting ready to graduate the following year so he won't be much trouble. But I don't think I could bring myself to be the screaming parent. I'm just not THAT outspoken!

What will life be like when the zoo closes in 18 or so years?

I'm scared to even think! It will be just me and the grumpy old Lion and the security dog of the day. I hope it will be a fun time for both of us. I hope we will be that couple who will still have dinner on the deck with neighbors and go to concerts and who can still spend time together and apart without freaking out.

What would it be like if you had a 4th permanent exhibit?

Bwaaaaah Ha Ha Ha! Huggy jacket time for this Zookeeper! The Lion has campaigned in the past for extra exhibits and one night in mid migraine I told him that if finances allowed I would possibly reconsider. Not so much! I am quite happy with this little Zoo I have and sometimes I even feel like I might be in control. That being said, if another surprise came along, I would have an adjustment and the Zoo might get a little angry and cranky for a while but I would eventually come around. I love children and I know that I can rise to any challenge. I'd just like a different one for once!

So there you have it! Round 1 of "Ask the Zookeeper!" If you have a question for the Zookeeper you can send it to ineedthezoo(at)yahoo(dot)com.

Wordless Wednesday

You've waited so patiently for it. So here's the Zoo on Halloween!

The Zoo got a Bear!

No, it is not a new, permanent exhibit! Thank heavens! Though it seems that the whole Zoo is campaigning in that direction in spite of multiple public announcements from the Zookeeper about wasted breath and not being crazy! Anyway, back to the Bear!

We had a guest the past two days. Barney came home from OAT with The Orangutan on Monday and has been going everywhere and doing everything with us.

Unfortunately he had to go back to OAT this morning but he was a very polite house guest and didn't eat much so I can't complain. Makes me feel bad for her other toys though. She actually kicked her favorite doll out of bed last night to make room for Barney.

Wordless Wednesday

And he wonders what I do all day.

Welcome to my world Large Male Lion!

A Letter from the Zookeeper

Dear Pygmy Marmoset,



You are an amusing tenant here at Zoo Suburbia, of that there is no doubt. However, we need to address your skills as a contributing member of the Zoo.

I greatly appreciate any assistance that you can offer me in the upkeep of the Zoo. As long as it is actually "assisting."

I have no doubts that you understand that when you wear your daily attire it tends to get soiled. I know that you are aware of this as you have started removing said soiled attire as soon as you deem it unfit to wear. This creates something we call "laundry."

When laundry is soiled it goes in a receptacle known as a "laundry basket." You are familiar with said object and I have seen you use it. Bless you. Could you teach Orangutan and Rhino how it works? Moving on. I, your friendly neighborhood Zookeeper, remove the soiled laundry from the basket and put it in the laundering machine. When it has cycled through, it goes in to the drying machine.

This is the first step in which your assistance becomes detrimental to our process. Removing the lint filter from the drying machine while I am trying to load it is not good timing. Spreading the aforementioned lint all over the wet laundry is simply bad practice. Forcing the lint filter back in to the drying machine backwards will only lead down an ugly path with Large Male Lion. I sincerely advise that you refrain from any of the above going forward.

When the drying machine has completed its cycle we move to the final phase of the process. This is another area I feel that we have a communication problem. Jumping on the folding surface (aka my bed) while I have a precariously stacked pile of towels, never ends well. Unfolding all of Rhino's underwear and putting them on your feet, does not shorten the process. And finally, you WILL eventually grow into Orangutan's clothes - please refrain from unfolding them and trying to put them on.

I appreciate your attempts at assisting me. I sincerely do. Next time though, could you save the helping for putting the laundry in the appropriate exhibits?

All my love and affection,

Your Zookeeper

Am I completely nuts?!

Neighbor is out of town this weekend. Neighbor has a 80 lb chocolate lab. Bentley didn't go out of town with Daddy. I've taken him into the Zoo. Did I mention that I am on cough syrup with codeine? Did I mention that Daddy has to go in to work early tomorrow and will be there late tomorrow night?

So the Zoo now has 1 Large Male Lion, 1 Orangutan, 1 S.M. Rhino, 1 P. Marmoset, 1 small security dog (Jack Russell terrier) and 1 large security dog (chocolate lab). Marmoset thinks Large Security Guard should double as a horse. S.M. Rhino thinks he makes a great pillow. Small Security Dog is incredibly jealous and has been sulking all night.

What have I done?

Introducing The Zookeeper's Inbox

Ever wondered if other Zookeepers face the same management issues you do?

Well, it's time to find out! Use the contact info on my profile and send me your questions! I may not have the solution but I can probably paint your issue in a new light that may make it a little more tolerable. So send me those questions. And watch for yours to appear in "The Zookeeper's Inbox!" Prime example from my inbox today....You remember the Chimp with the grooming issue, right? Her Keeper is back.

"Dear Zookeeper,
Greetings again from my little crazy zoo! We've had some strange things going on at night at our zoo and I wanted to share them with you to see if it's just my zoo or if all zoos have this problem.

First, I should give you an overview of the exhibit arrangements at my zoo. My Hippo shares an exhibit with the Hyena. The Chimp has her own exhibit. I usually spend the night in the Baboon's exhibit because he tends to not use it most of the night. And when he does, he's kind of nice to cuddle with.

This is what happens at night at our zoo: The Chimp and Hyena exhibits are closed at about the same time. We have to use extra security for the Chimp exhibit as she is still getting used to having a big exhibit all to herself. The Hippo begins the night in the lobby, because the Hyena takes quite a while to recognize that the exhibit is closed and settle down. Before I retire to the Baboon exhibit, I make sure the Hippo is safely in her exhibit. The Baboon is usually out doing whatever a Baboon does at night.


At some point in the night, the Hyena leaves her exhibit and joins me in the Baboon area. When the Baboon comes back to the zoo, he crowds into the area as well. Feeling very out of place with a bunch of smelly animals, I get up and move to the lobby until morning.

Shortly before dawn, the Chimp will stir. If she is not quieted, she will wake up the whole zoo. I send the Baboon into her exhibit to keep her company.


Occasionally, the Hippo will require food before breakfast and will end up in the lobby with me.
So, by opening of the zoo, you have the Hyena in the Baboon exhibit, the Baboon sharing the Chimp's exhibit with her, the zookeeper in the lobby and somehow the Hippo asleep in the food prep area. It's a game of musical exhibits.

I never thought that being a zookeeper meant I would learn to play party games in my sleep.


Yours truly...

A.R. Zookeeper"

**********************************************************************************
Dear A.R. Zookeeper,

Nocturnal party games are a regular occurrence here at Zoo Suburbia as well.

I have found that it is in my best interest to protect the Lion's den at all cost. A. The Lion does not respond well to interruptions in his nocturnal habits and has been known to throw a hard right paw at the interrupter without regard for who or where he contacts. B. The Lion is also very grumpy if he is awakened via a depositing Rhino or a kicking Orangutan and generally expresses his displeasure at me and me alone.

As a result of my regard for the Lion's den I have found it is best to move to the exhibit in question itself. I have spent many a night on the floor beside the Rhino cage or in the Orangutan's exhibit. Marmoset prefers to sleep on me in her exhibit if she is interrupted and therefore I have taken steps to install more Keeper friendly fixtures.

In the event I am unable to protect the den, I like you have been known to return to the lobby for the evening. I wish I could tell you that eventually your Zoo will settle into a more stable nocturnal routine. Unfortunately, I have heard from more established Zoos that the settling is short lived and then they just don't return to the Zoo until the wee hours still disrupting your rest. Take consolation in the fact that you are not alone.

Your friend,

The Zookeeper

A letter from the Zookeeper

Dear Zookeeper Sisterhood,

Please treat visiting Zookeepers In Training (henceforth referred to as Z.I.T.'s) with great care. I was hostess to a Z.I.T this weekend and I fear that I may have popped her.

My Z.I.T was holding up quite nicely to the craziness that is Zoo Suburbia in spite of Marmoset's determination to keep shoes on her feet regardless of what Zookeeper and Z.I.T. were doing when her shoes fell off. She was even beginning to speak Rhino with a fluency reserved for those of us who are in daily contact with him. Orangutan was at school but was so delighted to have the visiting Z.I.T. that she was on her best behavior and was containing her climbing antics to the exhibit closing routine.

Then the zoo began to reveal the ugliness that lies behind the solid wooden fence between exhibits. It began with Rhino's recounting of the debris I had just removed from his attire. "That looks just like a rocket ship! Coooool!!" I think the Z.I.T. might have considered tossing her cookies.

The following day we loaded the livestock trailer and visited Zoo Atlanta. I believe the Z.I.T. referred to it as herding cats on high levels of catnip. The Orangutan chose this moment to share her whine settings and Marmoset gave a lecture on The Effects of a Missed Nap. Rhino shared some delightful tips on How to Aggravate an Orangutan because he certainly couldn't be left out.

My Z.I.T. was holding up fairly well after an evening of rest but then I tested her skills to the limit. It was the trip to the food procurement center that did her in I believe. The Rhino chose to do some unsupervised investigation of the center, the Orangutan was back to her normal swinging from anything that was still and Marmoset was about to launch into her lecture on the Effects of Missed Meals. Did I mention that after arriving back at Zoo Suburbia, the Rhino thought it perfectly acceptable to start channeling his alter ego The Nudist?

Add to all of this that Z.I.T.'s have not developed the mutant antibodies that act as a Zookeeper's medical Armor All and she was starting to catch a bit of an allergy induced cold, and my Z.I.T. popped.

So let this be a lesson to you, my Zookeeper Sisterhood. When handling a Z.I.T., use extreme caution. Especially if your Zoo is one like mine. As a fellow Zookeeper once said, "Some quality time with my Zoo and your eggs will refuse to hatch!"

Sincerely,
The Zookeeper

Zoo Randomness

How to ride out a Tornado Warning/Watch cycle.

So the storm finally reached us. I have to say I'm very glad. We are in such a drought that 2 days of rain like this is a real blessing. I could do without the wind and the tornado warnings but I'll survive. So today when the EAS went off on the TV we decided that the best way to distract ourselves was to get out the good old playdough. This way we weren't watching the storm outside but we were close enough to the stairs that we could get down to the playroom if things got ugly. So I share with you a rare and random glimpse inside the Zoo.

I promise! He's not a violent Rhino! He just takes his playdough seriously!

This was Marmoset's first playdough experience. It got pretty interesting!

Moooom! I'm not done yet!

Doesn't it look like a leaf to you?! Really?! I saw it right off!

Ahhh! Now we have some fun! Ummm, baby, you don't want to eat that!

Yeah, kiddo. Not yummy at all! Let's not do that again huh?

And what was the Zookeeper doing during all this? Other than taking pictures?

Imagining how quiet it would be if the Zoo looked like this!

The Zookeeper Goes Seussical

{For those that are part of my CafeMom world - sorry it needed to make the trip over here!}

This is not good. This is not right.

The children have gone to bed for the night.

It's way to early for this state.

Maybe someone can relate.

All day the battles raged and roared.

Zoom went the toys and slam went the door.

Best of friends they used to be.

What has changed I cannot see!

"But it's MY turn!" she hollered out.

"No, it's NOT." I heard him shout.

"No, No! Mum, Mum!" the baby chimed.

As the dog stared at me and whined.

And then the crying with a high pitched screech

She didn't make it out of his reach.

Teapot to the head, a hand full of hair

I'll never take them anywhere!

But tomorrow morn the sun will rise

My little terrors will open eyes

"It's church day!" she'll beam and spring from bed

"Mornin' Mom!" from my little tow head.

"Hi Mum Mum!" the babe will say.

And so we'll start a brand new day.

"Dear Lord," I pray with all my heart

"Please don't let more rukus start!"

"My head of glass no more can bear

The clawing, scratching and pulling hair.

Wash my home with peace and love

Or I'll be forced to send them to you above!!"

Mom Tip #38

You may feel cut off from the non-Mom world sometimes but you are never alone.

Since Mo has gone to school things have quieted significantly here at the Zoo. I was actually wondering where I was going to get the inspiration for more Mom Tips! Then my alter ego (the Zookeeper) received the following communication from one of the Zookeeper Sisterhood.

“Dear Zookeeper,

Greetings from a fellow zookeeper! I am writing you to see if you would be willing to accept a zoo transfer. I am preparing to take a leave of absence to attend Zookeeper Sanity Camp. I have a small female chimpanzee who needs placement. As I have noticed that your Orangutan has managed to keep her coat in pristine condition, I thought your zoo would be ideal. My Chimp has a bit of a grooming issue of late and needs some serious rehabilitation. There was a bit of an incident with my large male Baboon that has left her looking a bit rough. Please think over the offer carefully. I will contact you upon release from the ZSC to arrange her transfer back to my facility.

Oh, and if you also have room for a Hyena and a very small Hippo, please let me know!”

Now a word of explanation. The Chimpanzee in question met a Hyena with scissor operating skills yesterday. While the Baboon (who was supposed to be on duty while the Zookeeper was at her other place of employment) dozed, the Hyena played hairstylist. My sister Zookeeper put it as “Billy Ray Cyrus’s love child had a run in with a weed wacker.”

The Baboon – thinking he was being funny and charming and “helpful” – decided today that he could fix the problem and now the Chimp has a bald spot above her right ear where she was not a fan of the Baboon’s clippers.

No matter how wild or insane or out of Mom’s control things get, remember there are more of us out there probably having the day you’re having. And if you have learned nothing else from this tip…..

Never leave 2 monkeys and a hyena in a hair salon.

A Note from the Zoo

{from the Orangutan}

Dear Zookeeper,

Well, it appears that O.A.T. is going to be a lot of fun. So far I am enjoying my tour immensely even though it's only been a few days. However, I do have a few concerns.

I am having a small issue with the tour hours. It seems to me that tour preparation really should not start until the sun is actually up. The notion of rousing from my comfortable sleeping arrangement before the sun has even started to appear in the sky is very disagreeable. Marmoset and Rhino may continue to begin their days at that hour if they would like but I would prefer a delay in the tour.

Along the same lines, I am finding my closing hours to be inconvenient as well. It is simply not right that my exhibit should be closed before the sun has gone down as well. I will continue to make enough ruckus to keep Rhino and Marmoset awake if I am forced to close my exhibit at these early hours.

I greatly appreciate the dietary supplements you have been sending with me to O.A.T. I think you will find that bringing additional supplements with you when you come to retrieve me will also aid in a smooth transition back to the zoo. I find it completely unfair if the Rhino and Marmoset have supplements in the livestock trailer and I do not. Thank you for your particular attention to this detail.

In regards to O.A.T. in particular. It would be wonderful if you would cease the incessant interviewing. I think you may have noticed that I disengage my memory as soon as I arrive at the livestock trailer so it is pointless for you to continue to interrogate me every afternoon. Eventually I will remember what you would like to know and will volunteer the information at that time. But I think we can all agree that the interview is pointless at this time.

And finally, I would like to share a little about the Male Orangutan I have befriended at O.A.T. I understand that it doesn't make very much sense to you why I would befriend such a character. After all he HAS disrupted my resting period once and pushed me down on the exercise yard the second day. However as I explained, he did express sincere remorse at his behavior and I felt it only appropriate to give him the benefit of my friendship. Please accept my decision.

Thank you for my touring opportunity. So far it has been a delightful and enlightening experience.

Sincerely,
Orangutan.

A letter to the Zoo

Dear Zoo,

I would like to take a moment to address a small issue. There are some big changes coming our way and if yesterday was any indication, these changes will not go smoothly.

Large Male Lion, if you continue to insist that your hunting is more important than my zoo keeping you may find yourself as hunter and zookeeper. Please understand that this would mean all cleaning, feeding and grooming would become your responsibility on top of your already demanding hunting. May I suggest that you stick to your hunting and at least offer to help with the zoo keeping to prevent my resignation.

To my Orangutan. I understand that you are delighted about your upcoming tour. Please keep your celebratory climbing and other antics to a low din. Your recent burst of enthusiasm has created quite a stir with Rhino and Marmoset and has led to very loud and precarious situations in which exhibits are damaged.

::sigh:: S.M. Rhino. There are so many issues that I would like to cover with you but perhaps I should address the most detrimental behaviors. It would be a tremendous help to me if you would refrain from any more public exhibitionism. Marmoset has started to follow your lead and she is very challenging to re groom. She has also taken up your hobby of streaking which is really just embarrassing to all the residents.

I would also like to request that you curtail your very vocal demands for refreshments. The high pitched squeals and loud roars (especially when in a confined space) are beginning to cause your zookeeper physical pain which we all agree never leads to a happy zoo.

And finally Marmoset. The zoo has operating hours for a reason. When the zoo is closed it allows me (your zookeeper) to rest and prepare for our next day. Your recent desire to open the zoo around the clock is simply not feasible. I should also point out that you are the ONLY resident who would like to be open 24 hours. Even your security guard gets testy when the zoo is not closed for an adequate period.

I sincerely hope that all of you will take my suggestions and directives to heart. It is not my desire to resign from the zoo. However, if we have another day like yesterday I will be left with no choice but to take a leave of absence until further notice.

Thank you and have a lovely weekend!
The Zookeeper

A letter from the Zookeeper

Dear Frequent Visitors,

As you may have gathered from my recent communications with Marmoset, there are some changes afoot at the Zoo. Orangutan is on her way to O.A.T (Orangutan Academic Training) and will become a touring exhibit beginning next week. Due to this adjustment at the Zoo, there may be a period of erratic communication. We apologize in advance for any inconvenience this may cause but assure you whole heartedly that as soon as the new hours are well established we will be back to full operation.

Orangutan's O.A.T will lead to significantly increased time in our livestock trailer so you may also rest assured that many more letters and tips from the Mom who shares this page are sure to arise. It will be interesting to observe Lion's behavior during this transistion as he can be a very demanding Zoo resident.

Thank you for your dedication to our Zoo. Without visitors like you, we really just talk to the walls. (And the toucans next door don't really like that!)

Sincerely,
The Zookeeper

The Zookeeper's Response

Dear Marmoset,

I have given serious consideration to your predicament. I feel I should tell you that you will be observing a change in Orangutan and S.M. Rhino's exhibit hours in the immediate future.

You see, Orangutan is about to begin a tour unlike any our zoo has seen before. She will be leaving the zoo very early each morning to attend Orangutan academic training. It is quite possible that she will be leaving on tour before your exhibit opens each day. Therefore it will be necessary for her exhibit to close earlier than it has been. Due to the proximity of S.M. Rhino's exhibit to Orangutan's, his exhibit will be closing earlier by default.

This will possibly have a positive and negative impact on you personally. The negative will be that you will find your socialization time with Orangutan significantly shortened. The positive effect will be that you will find exhibit hours to be more fairly enforced. You will also be afforded more socialization time with Rhino and myself.

In regards to the additional "dessert" rations, I believe we can come to an agreement on this matter since dessert time will be moved up in the schedule allowing you to be included.

I appreciate your candor and understanding as the above adjustments are made.

Sincerely,
The Zookeeper

A Note from the Zoo

{Specifically the Pygmy Marmoset}

Dear Zookeeper,

Some very disturbing information has recently come to my attention. In speaking with Orangutan and S.M. Rhino, I have learned that mine is the only exhibit that is shut down to visitors at 8 PM. I currently have the understanding that not only are Orangutan and Rhino's exhibits open much later than mine, but they are also given additional rations after my exhibit is closed.

I find this to be completely unacceptable. Please be aware that you may continue to close my exhibit early. However, I am very capable of using my high pitched squeal for purposes other than the EHAS (Emergency Hunger Alert System) and it has been known to rouse not only Orangutan and S.M. Rhino but the security dog as well. If you prefer to deal with 3 cranky exhibits and a security system on high alert, by all means continue your discriminatory practices. Should you choose a more peaceful resolution, you will extend my exhibit hours and provide me with this "dessert" that O and S.M have been issued.

I am confident that we can come to a mutually acceptable solution. Thank you for your immediate attention to this matter.

Sincerely,
P. Marmoset