Up Down Side

Since the Orangutan and Rhino have gone back to school, I've had a lot more time to lavish on Marmoset and she is loving life!

It has it's goods and bads. Now she thinks she HAS to be with me 24/7 and has started to meltdown anytime I have to go somewhere without her. It lasts for about 45 seconds but those 45 seconds are stinkin' loud!! I mean hear it in the car at the bottom of the drive way with all doors and windows closed and the radio on loud.

On the good side of the equation is the fact that I laugh. A lot! Take today for example. For a full hour we played "Up Down Side." Very simply put she has to be upside down (so now you get it, right?) and tickled. I can prop her up against the back of the couch, stand her on her head or just hold her by her ankles. She doesn't care - as long as she is "up down side." Her laugh is infectious and as soon as you put her down to catch her breath and get the blood circulating again she is begging for more.

It's awesome to be entertained by things so simple. I guess that's one of the gifts of parenting. May all grown ups revisit the laughter and enjoyment of Up Down Side on a regular basis.

Proof that We're Doing Okay!

Sometimes even moms need a little encouragement to know that they are doing okay. We don't get regular performance evaluations like other careers, you know! Unless you count the dinnertime feedback we get about green veggies.

This morning Lion was getting ready for the hunt and I was tidying up the Den. Through the sliding glass door I watched Rhino slip into the screen porch and scoop up a riding toy. When he did, he bumped a loose panel on the side of the hot tub base and it fell over. Poor little guy froze in his tracks.

He peeked out onto the porch, and then looked back at the panel on the floor. Back out on the porch and back at the panel. Then he slipped back out the door and very carefully and quietly closed the door. I, of course, was laughing hysterically at the whole thing because he had no idea I had seen him. And it goes without saying that I recounted the whole incident for Lion.

"Did you say anything to him yet?"
No. Are you going to get him or am I?
"I'll get him!"

And just as Lion was about to pull the big "Gotcha!" (because he's the one who didn't put the panel on right in the first place) Rhino came around the corner. He looked like he was about to cry but was trying to be brave.

"Ummm, Mom? I have to tell you something. I think I might have broken something."
Where buddy? (This is me laughing in my poor son's face!)
"Out there." I really thought he was going to cry!

Lion and I scooped him up and reassured him that he hadn't broken it at all.

But it just goes to show you. You have no idea if the lessons are getting all the way through those little heads and suddenly they bring it back to you.

Of course in about 10 more years he's going to start lying through his teeth . But until then I'll just revel in the fact that I did ok so far!

Every Child is Unique in their Own Unique Way!

All together now. Well, duh!! But I don't think you fully grasp what I'm saying.

Yes, all children have their own personalities and likes and dislikes. They all look a little different unless they are identical twins and even then something differentiates the two. But there are some...we'll call them "quirks" to some children that make them a little more unique than average.

Example - The Rhino has taken to singing everything. (His father is so proud of his impending Broadway career.) He came up from the playroom while Lion, Silverback and I were playing Texas Hold Em Saturday evening panting like a dog. "Are you a dog now son?" I asked thinking he was just pretending that the climb up the stairs had taken it out of him.

"No Mom! I'm a boy! But I have to (threw his arms open as wide as he could) PEEEEEEEEE!!!"
He sang that last little bit like he was Pavarotti center stage at the Kennedy Center. My head immediately hit the table and the next thing I knew I was laughing so hard I couldn't decide if I should hyperventilate or cry.

As if that wasn't enough, I handed out some leftover jelly beans for dessert last night. Marmie decided that she didn't really want hers so suddenly they were gone. When I asked what happened to the beans, Rhino piped up with (to the tune of There's a Hole in the Bucket)

"I put them in my mouth and I chomped them.
I chomped them. I chomped them.
Put them in my mouth and I chomped them.
I chomped them right down."

He's special.

Then you have Marmie. She took her uniqueness to a whole new level today. Tell me. How do your children react to Tylenol? Legally induced coma? Nothing? How about Crackhead? Do any of you get that? Because that's what I got!

She woke up spitting mad at the world and complaining that everything was owie from her nose to her knees and even her "hairsh" were "bad." She felt a little warm so like the loving and concerned mother I am I studied the Tylenol label and gave her the dosage recommended for her size and age. BBBRRRNNNTT! Wrong answer!

Yes, her mood improved dramatically. She started running in circles singing, talking and babbling to herself like a lab rat on speed. At one point (and the video of this would have been AWESOME!) she did that lay on your side and run in a circle thing. Then she rolled from one side of the room to the other. I kid you not when I say this child lost it in such a grand fashion I didn't know if I should call 911 or laugh my pushers off. As I told my sister, she went around the bend with both arms above her head screaming "Wheeeeeeeeee!"

And then she was fine. The spaz out lasted about 30 minutes and then she was mellow and sweet - my normal kid. I knew when her 4 hours were up though because she started all the whiny, achy, cranky nonsense all over again. Of course by then it was time for nap and this momma ain't no fool! I was not about to pump it into her a second time!

I even went so far as to wait until nap and carpool were over and I dropped her dose to a half. Maybe the whole dose was just too much for her. This time she ran circles around her friend yelling "R look at me! I runnin'! I runnin'!" Then she ran to the other side of the room and fell on her face. No lie! Like she was doing a belly flop into a pool - WHAM! Into the floor. She flipped over, said, "Hey Momma! I fall down! Wanna see 'gain?" And she lathered, rinsed and repeated! This time it was only about 15 minutes of insanity but insanity just the same.

She's special. And she is now limited to Motrin.

Grandkeeper Bought Them for the Wrong Kid!

This is who she bought them for.

This is what I've been looking at all morning.

She's a fashion plate, she is!

"Uh Oh" Has a Whole New Meaning.

For the first time since my 2 Coronas at last week's Super Bowl I made myself a little cocktail last night. I think I nursed the thing for a total of 5 hours so that just shows you what a drinker I am! L.M. Lion though likes to be funny so he strolled into the kitchen and said "Uh, Oh! Mommy's drinking again!"

Guess what Marmoset says now every time someone says "uh oh."

Mommy's Dinkin!

It's going to be an interesting morning at church THIS Sunday!

Another Word from the Livestock Trailer

Once again I hear the best stuff when I'm away from the computer and have to try to remember it until I can get home. This is almost all Rhino. He's a piece of work!

R: That's not Mo. She doesn't have a little head. Maxy has a little head. Meghan has a little head. Bentley has a big head. Mo has a big head.
ZK: What are you talking about?!?!
R: Heads! (duh Mom!) You have a big head.
ZK: What about you? Do you have a big head?
R: Well, yeah! (another duh!) And so does Mo and Meghan and...
ZK: Wait a minute. Didn't you just say Meghan has a little head?
R: You're not listening Mom! Meghan has a little head and Mo has a big head.
ZK: What about Daddy?
R: Daddy has a big head and I'm done.

Well, that settles that! I didn't figure out until about five minutes later that he was watching the other kids coming out of the school for the carpool line. It's a wonder all those "big heads" fit in the livestock trailer!

A Letter from the Zookeeper

Dear Pygmy Marmoset,



You are an amusing tenant here at Zoo Suburbia, of that there is no doubt. However, we need to address your skills as a contributing member of the Zoo.

I greatly appreciate any assistance that you can offer me in the upkeep of the Zoo. As long as it is actually "assisting."

I have no doubts that you understand that when you wear your daily attire it tends to get soiled. I know that you are aware of this as you have started removing said soiled attire as soon as you deem it unfit to wear. This creates something we call "laundry."

When laundry is soiled it goes in a receptacle known as a "laundry basket." You are familiar with said object and I have seen you use it. Bless you. Could you teach Orangutan and Rhino how it works? Moving on. I, your friendly neighborhood Zookeeper, remove the soiled laundry from the basket and put it in the laundering machine. When it has cycled through, it goes in to the drying machine.

This is the first step in which your assistance becomes detrimental to our process. Removing the lint filter from the drying machine while I am trying to load it is not good timing. Spreading the aforementioned lint all over the wet laundry is simply bad practice. Forcing the lint filter back in to the drying machine backwards will only lead down an ugly path with Large Male Lion. I sincerely advise that you refrain from any of the above going forward.

When the drying machine has completed its cycle we move to the final phase of the process. This is another area I feel that we have a communication problem. Jumping on the folding surface (aka my bed) while I have a precariously stacked pile of towels, never ends well. Unfolding all of Rhino's underwear and putting them on your feet, does not shorten the process. And finally, you WILL eventually grow into Orangutan's clothes - please refrain from unfolding them and trying to put them on.

I appreciate your attempts at assisting me. I sincerely do. Next time though, could you save the helping for putting the laundry in the appropriate exhibits?

All my love and affection,

Your Zookeeper

Mom Tip #45

Even SuperMom has bonehead moments.

And when I say “bonehead,” I mean all out brain fart!

How many millions of times have I told the children to “keep the water IN the tub?” It could be the rinse cup. It could be the bath toys. It could be the washcloth or even their hands but they always – and I mean ALWAYS – manage to get water all over the floor. I have sat right beside the tub from start to finish on a bath and we still end up with mystery water on the floor. I don’t know how but it has happened.

And what about the shower head? We have one that you can pull down and aim and that is how the bigger kids get their baths. They think running from the rinse cup is an Olympic sport and take their training seriously. I have finally broken their training spirit with the shower head so they just stand still and let the rinse cycle happen. But if I put it down for even a minute that is an engraved invitation to start attempting to spray one another which ends in – you guessed it! – water all over the bathroom floor.

Tonight we were almost done. There hadn’t been any screaming. Well, there was that moment when Munch did her business in the tub and freaked Mo out but I digress. Everyone made it through bath without getting soap in their eyes and I was finishing the rinse cycle on Mo. Then it happened. My crowning bonehead moment.

I stood up to put the shower head back on the mount. Did I turn the water off first? Did I at least turn the shower head off first? That would be “No” on both accounts. I aimed it straight at my face and lifted it up. Soaked. From my forehead to my knees. And now there is water on the floor. Was there any water on the floor before my brain fart? I couldn’t tell you because the deluge of water that I unleashed on the bathroom wiped out any prior evidence.

The next time your jaw drops because of a lapse in judgment on your own part, just smile and tell yourself “I’m entitled.”

Mom Tip Mini's (hey they make mini muffins! I can make Mini Tips!)

Some quick lessons I learned all in one day!

Children give great fashion advice – if you don’t take it!
We were going out to get Mo’s new sneakers for school when Tuck gave me a lecture on comfortable shoes.
“Mom, you need to get your shoes too!”
I have my sneaks already Tuck. I don’t need any shoes.
“But they’re not COMFY Mom! You need some REALLY comfy shoes.”
I happen to think these are plenty comfy. Thank you very much.
“Nooo Mom! You need some polka dot sandals because they’re the biggest comfy.”

You have to be really careful with old things.
I was wearing a pair of old boxers (I got them my junior year in high school.)for jammies this morning. Molly noted that they were a bit faded.
“Mom, are those jammies old?”
They sure are Molly.
“So you have to be really careful with them right?”
Well, I guess so. I’d hate to blow the butt out!
“Kind of like Poppie, right?”
Yep, Mo! Kind of like Poppie.

I’m so glad I have my dad on speed dial!

Normal is completely relative.
My sister called me on her way home from work to chat. Bizarre things kept happening and at one point I was afraid she would get into an accident or hyperventilate because she was laughing so hard. I was straight faced and just rolling with each bizarre twist. When she finally caught her breath she said, “So how was your day?”
Just a normal day at the Zoo- if you call Raid before 8 am, boxer conversations, polka dot sandals, random nudity and wormy apples normal.
“For your house? Completely normal!”

Mom Tip #33

Like anything taken on a regular basis, you will build up a tolerance to insanity.

I envy the moms who have a “normal” life. Their children get up and have breakfast, play together, have a snack, play with mom or (gasp!) take a nap?...I think you get my point.

I was sitting on the couch this evening just taking a little breather with my favorite friends from Food Network when out of the blue the nudist was on the coffee table. I really believe that he has built a little teleporter under his bed and he just pops in and out of it to freak me out. But yes, he was (as usual these days) naked. I glanced up and proceeded to conduct the regular interview. Why are you naked again? “Because I was tired of those other clothes. They weren’t fun anymore.” Please put your clothes back on.

He put his shirt on – backwards of course; why would we do it the easy way? And then still naked from the waist down, proceeded to try to look at the fire truck on his back. You’ve seen a dog chase his tail right? Have you ever seen a half naked dog chasing his tail on a coffee table?

The worst part? I didn’t even blink; I just went back to watching 4 normal people build Candy Castles.

I was on the phone with my sister later and swiveled my chair around to have a 3 pound bag of apples dropped on my lap. So I take it you guys want an apple for snack? “Well, yeah!” So I handed them out. Not five minutes later the big one is spitting peels in the garbage can beside my desk. I really wish you would just swallow those. “I’m not a peel person, Mom.”

I used to call my folks or my sister every time they did something off the wall, out there, space cadet bizarre. Now I just wait for the weekend and share the “really good ones.”

Mom Tip #32

Pregnancy brain is just training for Mom brain.

Remember pregnancy brain? Of course you don’t! You’ve already moved to Mom brain.

You would be sitting on the couch staring at your belly and suddenly you would think of something you needed to do. Let’s say, plug in your cell phone and the charger is in the kitchen. As you walk to the kitchen a cute baby commercial suddenly comes on TV and since you are pregnant you automatically stop and watch. 60 seconds later you walk into the kitchen (with cell phone in hand, mind you!) and you have no idea why you were there. Oh well. As long as you are in the kitchen you grab 2 slices of pepper jack cheese, a glass of chocolate milk (the baby need the calcium!), the bag of pretzels from the top of the fridge and the caramel apple dip. On your way back to the couch, you wonder what it was that you were getting up to do. Oh well. You’ll take care of it when you remember. It couldn't have been too important.

Then there’s Mom brain. You sat down after dinner for a quick sitcom before you tackle the task of cleaning up the kitchen and packing tomorrow’s lunches. As your sitcom wraps up you get up to head to the kitchen. On the way there the nudist shows up looking for a bedtime snack and drink. The older child starts making fun of the nudist for being well, naked. A naked fight isn’t what you are looking for right now so you make a deal. If the nudist will go get jammies back on, you will get everyone a snack. Now that you have restored peace you take a deep breath and….WHAT IS THAT SMELL?!?!

The smallest member of your tribe looks up at you with a huge grin and big shiny eyes. “Mum, Mum! Ahh tink tink!” No kidding!! Off to the nursery you go for the sake of anyone who still has a nasal lining. Of course the diaper pail is full so you tuck the wee one into bed and head for the garbage can in the garage. Then it’s back to the kitchen. You know you’re supposed to be doing something in here but can’t for the life of you remember what. So you grab a chocolate bar – if you knew how to hook up a chocolate IV you would – a glass of sweet tea and you head back to the couch. This time though you don’t wonder what you were getting up to do.

You’re too tired to care.

Mom Tip #24

Sometimes you have to use kid logic to figure life out.

I have trained my children to scrape their plates into the trash and put them in the kitchen sink when they are done with a meal. Yesterday the fish sticks were a little hot when I put them on the plates so Mo asked if she could put hers in the freezer for a minute to cool them down. Sure, no problem! The meal went on like normal and I went to the bedroom to fold some laundry.

When I came back to the kitchen to load the dishwasher Mo’s plate was nowhere to be found! I asked her about it and she assured me repeatedly that she had put it on the counter beside the sink. I searched every possible nook and cranny of our kitchen and couldn’t find the plate. Well, it’ll turn up or start stinking. Either way I’ll find it.

About an hour later I was dealing out some fruit for dessert and I casually asked Tuck if he had seen Mo’s plate.

“Well, sure Mom! It’s in the fidge-ator!” and he opened the freezer door. There was Mo’s plate with 2 fish sticks and some almost frozen ketchup. Ummm, why son?

“Well if they were still hot she could come back and eat them later when they cooled down! See, Mom!” I was a complete and utter dingbat for not knowing it naturally.

Tuck cleans his plate at every meal. And by “cleans” I mean “licks it down to the paint!” So in his head the only possible reason she had left food on her plate – because who does that?! – was because it was still too hot; not because she was full. It made perfect sense that the plate was in the freezer.

This has cleared up so many things for me. Of course the dog leash should be under the couch because that’s where the dog also stores his ball, collar, and the cover for the dog door. Of course Daddy’s good shoes should be out on the deck in a rainstorm because they’re going to get wet when he goes to work anyway right? And why shouldn’t the baby have a pull up on her head? She’s the next one to potty train. She should keep that where she’ll be able to find it!

Life makes so much more sense when kid logic is applied.

Mom Tip #29

It’s okay. We all have days when we hate the sound of our own name.

I mean, makes your skin crawl, want to stab yourself in the ears HATE the sound of your own name. And not just your name but all the other names you go by. Here’s the list of names that I am not a fan of today.

“Honey!”

Hubby’s phone rang bright and early today to let him know that he was needed at the office asap. From there it went something like this. “Honey! Where’s my hairbrush?”
“Honey! Can you pack me a lunch?”
“Honey! The baby’s awake!”
“Honey! Can you get me some clothes for Tuck?”
“Honey! Can you find me a travel mug?”
“Honey! I forgot to tell you something; can you come back here?”
“Honey! Can you pass me the creamer?”
“Honey! Can you put the creamer away?”
“Honey! You have one big mess over here in the high chair.”
“Honey! Have you seen my wallet?”
“Bye Honey! Have a good day!”

I’m changing my name to Elvis.


“Mom, Mommy, and every whiney version of Mom!”

“Mom, can you check my butt?”
“Momma, Meghan stinks!”
“Mooooom! Tucker snatched from me!”
“Mamaaaaaaaah! Mo smacked me on the head!”
“No! No! Nooooo! Mooom! I don’t want to go potty!”
“Ma, I need another snack.”
“Look Mom! We just destroyed your bed again!”
“mum mum mum mum mum mum mum (you see where this is going right?) mum mum mum (Can I help you Meghan?) mum mum mum mum.”

I’m changing my name to Elvis.

I don’t think I would even want to hear my own mother say my name right now. If the lottery people called I’m sure they’d use “Mrs. C” and I haven’t heard that one yet today so maybe I could handle that. Otherwise you may call me Elvis.

And Elvis has left the building.

A Note from the Zoo

{The small male rhino actually.}

Dear Zookeeper,

I would like to express my dissatisfaction with my personal living arrangements. I no longer wish to have the female orangutan or the pygmy marmoset as part of the zoo. I would like them to be removed immediately.

I will keep you in the zoo for food procurement purposes and the male lion may stay as long as he is going on the hunt daily. However since I have no use for Orangutan and Marmoset, they may leave immediately.

Thank you for your attention to this matter.

Sincerely,

S.M. Rhino

{Zoo keeper's Note: I received this correspondence on the way home from the grocery store. The Orangutan's response: "Too bad Charlie! You're stuck with me!" The Marmoset's response: "Bub Bub Tuck!"}

Mom Tip #28

You don’t really want to know “how?” or “why?”

How did the fully clothed baby end up back in the bathtub?

Why is the dog wearing my bra?

How did you get the monkey wrench and why are you trying to tighten your brother’s head?

I have learned that there are absolutely no circumstances under which you should ask any questions in the bathroom. “How did THAT get THERE?” is one that I avoid at all cost.

Why is the garden shovel in the middle of the living room?

How did the dog dish end up in my bed? And why is it upside down?

How did the baby get on top of the washing machine?

Why are there cornflakes all over the playroom? And how did you get them off the top of the refrigerator?

I stopped asking who did it a long time ago. The only culprits in this house are Mr. Nobody and Ms. Shrug. “What happened?” is entirely too vague and any answer that starts with “Well, see Mom…” can’t go anywhere good.

“What is that smell?” is one that never gets a good answer or one that I want to know anyway.

I know you’ve heard it before but it rings particularly true for mothers. Ignorance is bliss!

Mom Tip #12

If you take a horse to the grocery store, make sure you take plenty of rope.

“Okay,” you are saying to yourself. “You have officially gone off your rocker!” Loosely translated this means, your children will choose the most inopportune and embarrassing moment to play pretend. Please allow me to illustrate from my own life.

Since becoming a stay at home mom, I have altered our schedule to avoid going to the grocery store when it is terribly crowded. Tuesday is “G” day and is approached much like a reenactment of D-Day. Grocery list – check. Children fed before going to the store – check. Comfortable shoes on everyone – check. Last minute potty break – check. Then we set out. You would think that I would be prepared for anything. You haven’t met my son.

One happy Tuesday we were almost done. Produce and the deli counter and it’s game over. Tucker had a spring in his behind and had a hard time sitting in the car cart but was holding on for me. Then he decided that he wanted to walk alongside the cart. “I promise me, Ma. I tay wif yoo.” This had a 50-50 chance of coming back to bite me but I was in a good mood so I gave in. Then it happened. He let out the loudest “whinny” you have ever heard and started to “gallop” in circles around me, the cart and the sweet little old lady who was in the aisle with me. My head dropped on to the baby’s car seat and I heaved a sigh that they had to hear at the checkout. Thankfully this angel in the aisle was a mother of boys and just smiled at me and burst into hysterical laughter.

You will hear – more than once, I promise – “It’s okay, hon. They’ll outgrow this and then you’ll wish they were babies again.” I’m sure this is probably true. I’ll let you know in 20 years.

Mom Tip #25 - Language Skills

You now speak a second language.

I’m not referencing Spanish or French or any of those. Yes you may have studied those in high school or college but unbeknownst to you, you learned “Child” the minute you became a mom.

Initially you only understand Child when you hear it. When your baby says “aahh-boo” you know that means “apple.” And “lub-oo” makes your heart melt. Slowly your vocabulary grows and you begin to speak Child.

“No. No.” This is usually said with a smile on your face and is pretty direct.

But then it mutates into “NooooOOOO. No. No. Nonononono!” This is for those moments when you try to redirect with your voice and end up a rapid fire “no” machine gun as you sprint across the room to pry your toddler’s mouth open and extract 7 pieces of dog food.

Machine gun No is usually accompanied by “Aaah.” This is the Child word for “open your mouth.” However it has been known to mutate into “AaaaaaaAAAAHH! Open!” This is for those moments when the toddler has decided that watching Mom make a fool of herself is so much more fun that just spitting the dog food out and has locked down the jaws of death.

Another pair that is often seen is “Get! Get. Get. OFF!” and “Come. Coooome. Come. Come. Come (reinstall machine gun for this).” Why these two come together is still the biggest oxymoron of motherhood.

There are days when speaking Child sounds more like the sound effects track of an action movie. “Nonono’s” and “comecomecome’s” all run together and get mixed up with “ttthhhbbbttt” and “blech!”

And don’t even get me started on “Mum mum. Ah tink tink!” The only response for that one is an emphatic “eeeeeeeewwwwwwwww!”

The Zookeeper's response

Dear Zoo,

I sincerely appreciate the time and effort put into your recent correspondence.

Please take under advisement that the emergency hunger alert system may actually be detrimental to your cause. If you choose to activate the aforementioned "improvement's" to the system, please consider my resignation from my position as Zookeeper to be immediate and permanent. At that point feedings will become the sole responsibility of the large male lion.

As for your concerns about cookie rations, should my resignation be tendered they will no longer exist. Nor will the cookies.

Sincerely,
The Zookeeper

Mom Tip #18 - Just Laugh.

Sometimes the only answer is to laugh.

When the wheels start to come off, and they will more often than you would like, sometimes the only thing to do is stop and laugh. There will be other options but they just won’t be as effective as laughing. Allow me to illustrate.

Since becoming an at home mom, my time has settled into a nice routine of rescue the kitchen, set the leprechauns up with breakfast, pour a cup of coffee and zip to the computer for some morning e-mail and social networking.

I was in the middle of an e-mail to a friend when Mo walked up beside the desk and started the following conversation.

“Uh, Mom? Tucker just made a big mess but it’s okay; Max (our Jack Russell Terrier) cleaned it up.”

Uh huh. What kind of mess? Please note that not only have I not taken my eyes from the screen but my fingers are still flying furiously at this point.

“Well it wasn’t pee and it wasn’t poop. But don’t worry! Max already cleaned it up.”

Wait! What?!?!

She indulged me and repeated the above and finished with, “I know it came from his butt and let me tell you Mom. It sure did STINK! And it was ah-sckusting!”

I wasn’t 3 steps up the stairs when I discovered (with my nose unfortunately) what the “mess” was but since the dog had already “cleaned” it up the where was still questionable. First things first, get to the boy. So we were off to the bathroom where I removed the offending (and were they ever offensive!) clothing and swished them in the potty. As if my gag reflex wasn’t already in overdrive my delightful son decided to provide the following commentary.

“See, Mom! There’s my carrots and my grapes and …Hey! Why did you slam the potty? I was yooking at dat!” Take a moment and picture a Peter Pan pose naked from the waist down – it really adds something!

Now there were several options I could have taken with my reaction. #1 I could have vomited on the spot! #2 I could have lost my temper and yelled and hollered about getting to the potty in time and ended up cleaning the whole mess up anyway. And #3 I could have laughed, cleaned and called it a day.

Just so you know I went with #3. So laugh. And invest in a good dog