I'm Not Feeding my Children Anymore.

All right Zoo fans.  Name one hobby that I truly love.  Writing - yes, but that's not the one I'm talking about.

Cooking.  How many bajillions of Wordless Wednesday's have been dedicated to food creations?  How many times have I blogged about baking or cooking or creating new meals?  I really do love to cook.  And of corse I'll continue to cook.  I'm just not feeding my family any more.

See there's a difference between cooking and feeding my family.  Cooking involves chopping, dicing, fileting, sauteeing, broasting, marinading, grilling, and searing.  Cooking means savoring aromas of fresh herbs, breathing in the sharpness of onions and garlics, and tuning in to the sizzle of the butter in a hot skillet.  Cooking can be done slowly while sipping a glass of wine and nibbling on the scraps of hard cheese that fall by the wayside of the cutting board.  The Three Tenors can keep you company in the kitchen and coax smoothness out of the sharpest combinations.  Cooking is relaxing and comforting.

Then I remove my lovingly prepared meal and I place it on the dining room table amidst the bouquets and neat place settings.  I call the family to the table.  This is where it goes from cooking a lovely meal to feeding my brood.

"But I don't like peppers." 

"These aren't the kind of noodles I like."
"You know I don't eat squash."

"Can I have a drink to wash this down?"

"I'm going to pretend to be a race car at the table now."
"Yeah, well, I'm going to scream all through dinner."
"Is it time for dessert yet?"
"Mom!  He's looking at me!"

I've decided that I'm not feeding them any more.  I will cook and they can come and get it.  But I will not be present.  I'm going to be out on the deck with Pavoratti.  Who cares if it's still 96 degrees at 9 PM?  At least I'll be able to dine.

Paul Harvey, Ketchup and Cupcakes!

I feel a little like Paul Harvey right now.

I got a lot of comments about how gross Ketchup and Cupcakes sounded. I really feel I should explain that she did not put the ketchup ON the cupcake. And she did not mix the two in anyway.

They had the cupcakes as a late snack yesterday and unbeknownst to me (who was folding ANOTHER load of laundry!) "someone" (read Rhino) had gotten one of the chairs from the dining room table, pushed it into the kitchen, opened the cake safe (in spite of it's side locks) and snagged "seconds."

Do you remember last week when I told you that Silence is NOT Golden? This is me revising that statement to say "Silence is your first warning that SOMETHING is going on!" It was entirely too quiet in the kitchen when the oven timer informed me that the fishsticks were ready.

And that is where the ketchup came into play. But let's not assume that the fishsticks were actually ever put in the ketchup. No. The pan friend potatoes were used as a makeshift spoon to scoop the ketchup up and well, as the picture so aptly demonstrates, SMEAR it all over our face.

Red and blue do NOT make purple! They make a Mess!

And that is the rest of the story. Good Day!

Wordless Wednesday: Toddler Math.

When this...

Adds this...


And this...

You get this...

Need your Wordless Wednesday fix? Head over to MomDot and check out more from your favorite blogs!

Mom Tip #9: Make a Date!

Last night was date night. Oh, not for the Lion and the Zookeeper! I should be so lucky!

Nope. Lion had another date last night. He and Orangutan went to the Father Daughter Dance at OAT. I got several very interesting reports when they got home.

ZK (that's me!): So Daddy! How was your date?
Lion: (straight face looking over top of his glasses) Our daughter can eat.
ZK: Well, um, yeah?
Lion: No. I mean she can EAT!
ZK: Do tell.

Apparently the dancing part wasn't as big of a draw for our little Orangutan as (to quote her) "A BUNCH of absolutely delicious food like the Sprite, and the chicken, and the rolls and the cake! I had my cake and Daddy shared his! And I had Orange Sprite too!" Really? I never would have known but for the fact that I have to try to follow your conversation as you ricochet around the room.

There was only one dance apparently. Something about "I Don't Wanna Be a Duck." Other than that it was all about the food.

I wasn't without a date though. The Rhino and Marmoset took me to ZS 1 (Zoo Suburbia 1 - only on screen at this theater) and let me watch The Music Man while they jumped on me and both dogs and populated the entire carpet with popcorn.

I'm pretty sure I'm about to state the obvious but I'll say it anyway. It was a pretty early night here at Zoo Suburbia.

The First Pantry Challege: Chicken Breasts!

My pal Shannon from over at the Motivators threw me the first Pantry Challenge (and inspired pretty much the whole group to clean out their pantries I think! Eek!) so here I go! Here's the message I got from Shannon.

"I loved your ideas with the roast & the whole chicken. I'll have to save them for when I find those items on sale.

OK, here is my challenge for you. I have a freezer full of chicken breast that I got on sale & I also have a ton of dark red kidney beans as well as white rice & pasta(these are things I use very frequently). What can you come up with? I will take as many ideas as you have."

Isn't this par for all of our freezers? We find a great buy on something as versatile as chicken breasts and then stare at it. Yes, chicken has potential but you can only make the same stuffing casserole, broccoli and rice bake, and grilled breast so many times before you are ready to curse Mr. Perdue into oblivion. The same thing can happen to ground beef. So here's my answer to the challenge.

Chicken Chili! Think about it. You brown up those breasts and chop them up fairly fine. Grab your kidney beans and a large $2 can of diced tomatoes and you are on your way. It's different, uses what you have on hand and is really great for the recent weather. Not to mention that you can put it in the crockpot and have a one dish easy dinner. Pair it with my Cornbread and you are on your way!

Cornbread
1 cup sugar
1 egg
1 cup milk
½ cup melted butter
1/3 cup yellow cornmeal
1 ¾ cup flour
½ tsp salt
2 ½ tsp baking powder
½ tsp baking soda

Blend together sugar, egg, milk, butter and cornmeal until smooth. Stir in flour, salt, powder and soda. Pour in greased and floured (or use a bit of the cornmeal) 9x9 pan. Bake at 400 for 30 minutes.

But Sarah that was a gimmee! So I'll give you some more takes I have. Cheesy Cornball Chicken - this one was an invention from one of my own pantry dives when I was running low and didn't want to head for the grocery store.

Corny Cheeseball Chicken
3 boneless, skinless breast halves
1 can whole kernel corn (drained)
¼ green pepper (diced)
1 med tomato (diced)
1 bunch green onions (diced)
1 12oz package dipping cheese (with or without jalapenos)
6 oz milk
Mexican chili powder
Salt and pepper to taste

Brown chicken in large skillet. In med bowl mix together corn, green pepper, tomato, and onion. Season lightly with salt, pepper and chili powder and set aside. Cut chicken into bite sized pieces and return to skillet. Stir in corn mixture and allow to simmer. Prepare cheese according to package directions and stir into chicken and corn mixture. Pour into oven proof dish and bake at 350 for 15 minutes or until beginning to brown and getting bubbly. Serve with flour tortillas.

There's also L.M. Lion's favorite! Italian Skillet Chicken. Simply brown your chicken breasts and add some quartered fresh tomatoes, garlic, parmesean cheese and Italian seasoning. Top with some shredded mozarella and bake at 375 for 25 minutes or until your cheese starts to brown.

And if you think you have exhausted my chicken reserves you are dead wrong. My favorite thing to do is to grab menu items from restaurants and try to recreate them at home. Some faves around the neighborhood are Buffalo Chicken Sandwiches with homefries; Chicken Cheesesteaks; Chicken Reubens; Chicken Ceasar Salads or Wraps. I'm a huge fan of the gourmet pizzas too. Check out my Faker's Gourmet Pizza's then shake it up to suit your own mission!

A Faker’s Gourmet Pizza
1 premade pizza crust (Boboli)
1 jar alfredo sauce
1 boneless skinless chicken breast half (cooked and chopped bite size)
1 bag shredded mozzarella cheese
Additional toppings:
1 jar sundried tomatoes
½ pkg sliced fresh mushrooms
Or:
½ bag frozen broccoli
½ pkg sliced fresh mushrooms

Place pizza crust on lightly greased cookie sheet. Top with preferred amount of alfredo sauce and chicken. Then add preferred topping blends and cover with cheese. Bake according to pizza package directions or 425 until cheese is browned.

This also works with A1, cooked steak-ums and shredded cheddar cheese; olive oil, Italian seasoning, thinly sliced tomatoes, prociutto, and very light cheese; or blue cheese dressing, chicken tossed with hot sauce, and blue cheese crumbles – obviously served with a side of celery!

So Shannon, even if you don't ever make any of these, I hope it got those culinary ideas flowing. Happy Eats! Any more takers? I'm up for The Challenge!

Creative or Lazy? Again!

If you follow along with my Wordless Wednesday's then you saw my lazy moment a few weeks ago when instead of going to get extra storage I just converted the Christmas garland into Valentine's garland.

Well, my lazy ways haven't really changed apparently. Watch my menu evolution for this week so far.

Monday - Pot Roast simmered all day in beef boullion. Served with mashed potatoes and steamed veggies. (Reserved boullion)

Tuesday - French onion soup (the reserved boullion + 2 Spanish onions) simmered all day and served with homemade sourdough bread rolls.

Tonight - Pulled beef barbeque sandwiches (made from left over roast) served on (leftover) sourdough rolls. Oven roasted potatoes for a side.

Did you see that? I managed to make one meal on Monday and convert it into 3 meals. And I'm thinking that there is a very good chance we'll be Fridge Diving tomorrow night which will mean potato pancakes (leftover!) and French onion soup (leftover)! Is it possible that I just fed my family for four days on a $10 pot roast, 79 cent pack of onion soup mix and a $2 bottle of barbeque sauce?

So again I ask you...Creative? Or just Lazy?

What in the Grilled Cheese...?

Why? Why can I cook the perfect grilled cheese with three children clamoring around my ankles? But as soon as L.M. Lion gets in the door the pan starts sticking and the thing catches fire and turns into a charcoal briquette?

Somedays are meant for going back to bed.

No Meatballs Here!

Sorry Ikea fans. On this trip to Sweden there are no meatballs or furniture with funny names. Man I love Ikea! No, this time it's just your traditional Swedish Christmas. But prepare yourself because I am pretty sure you are about to encounter some traditions that very few of you have ever heard of much less experienced!

Christmas in Sweden begins with the lighting of the first Advent candle. The first widely held celebration though is on December 13th for the celebration of Santa Lucia. Lucia was a Christian martyr who legend tells took food to persecuted Christians in Rome. She wore a wreath with candles on her head so that she would be hands free to deliver and serve. In her honor the eldest daughter of the home will dress in a white gown with a red sash, wear an evergreen wreath complete with lit tall tapered candles, and will serve her parents a breakfast of coffee and Lucia buns. She is accompanied by the other children of the house who also dress in white; the girls with glitter and the boys with pointed starry hats. {Side note - when I pictured the Orangutan in said outfit I had a moment but that's just me!}

The Christmas tree is not brought into the home until the two days before Christmas. It is decorated with candles, apples, Swedish flags, and small gnome figures. many of the decorations may be made of straw. The decorations made of straw are meant to serve as a reminder of the birthplace of Jesus in the manger. The homes are decorated with red tulips and the smell of gingerbread biscuits called Pepparkakor lingers through the home.

You are familiar with the term smorgasbord right? Well welcome to its origin. The buffet with is served on Christmas Eve is complete with fish dishes such as lutfisk (dried, lye soaked codfish) herrings and salmon dishes, turkey, Christmas ham, pickled pigs feet, and many other meat dishes. The finisher to the meal is the Risgryngrot - a special holiday rice pudding that contains one whole almond. It is told that the person who finds the almond in their pudding will marry in the coming year.

After the meal there is a visit from Tomte - a gnome that lives under the floorboards of the home or the barn and cares for the family and livestock throughout the year. Some legends tell that if one takes very good care of the livestock during the year Tomte appreciates the help and provides a gift accordingly! (I think I just heard mothers around the blogosphere suddenly adopting Tomte!)

Christmas Day begins with a service at church and is followed by a day of family and rest. But the holiday season does not end until January 14th or Knut's Day. On Knut's Day the children may dress up as Knut and play practical jokes while they snack on the edible ornaments from the tree. Then the trees are returned to nature to rejoin their fellows.

I can't even begin to tell you how many times I had to close my mouth as I read about these traditions. Maybe I am revealing my closed mindedness but I had no idea just how many very different versions of Christmas there really were. There is one thread that I have found in all of the traditions and customs that we have come across. There is always a time set aside for rememberance and family.

I know we have crossed over into the dreaded ten day countdown to Christmas and I know that there are probably some stress levels climbing even as I say that. But please take this moment and this reminder to look at who and what is around you. Remember the Reason for the Season and make sure to take time today, tomorrow and every day to show those you are fussing over and for what they mean to you. The paper will be gone in two weeks. The presents will be mixed in before the month is out. Take time for family!

God Jul! (Good Yule!)

Have you been Missing Christmas?

Sorry about that! I got caught up in all the Christmas prep around the Zoo and ran a little low on Steam! But I'm back and ready to move through Europe today! Tomorrow we are going to make a few stops in Africa and then it's off to Eastern Europe and the Middle East. Are you ready to move it on? (The Amazing Race has NOTHING on us!!)

Welcome to Italy! I am so excited about this stop!! A) Because I am the world's biggest pasta butt and B) because this is such a rich culture. Let's take a moment and review some history before we start exploring ok? This is the home of Rome - anciently remembered for being big on the mythic gods. Rome is also home of the largest empire in history and home to the Catholic Church and ancient Christianity. As a result when it is time to celebrate at this time of year you are surrounded by many rich and varied customs and traditions.

In a nod to the ancient pagan culture Saturnatalia (Winter Solstice) and Advent blend to create Buon Natale or Good Birthday - a combined celebration of winter and the birth of Christ. Piferari (fifers) march down fro the mountains to herald the season and kick of the celebrations. Eight days before Christmas children celebrate in their own way by participatin gin La Novena during which that travel through town and sing carols and recite Christmas poetry.

On Christmas Eve families visit Cribs (nativities) throughout thier communities much like we would tour lights and outdoor decorations. They also begin burning the Yule Log which will burn until New Year's Eve to clean the house of any bad luck or evil from the year before. It is legend that Mary would tour the homes where the Yule was burning and warm her newborn thus blessing the home when she left.

On Christmas Day families join in a huge banquet which features many fish and seafood dishes including capitone (roasted eel) or sausage stuffed pig leg served with lentil. For sweets one would have their choice of panettone (fruitcake), torrone (nougat)or panforte (gingerbread). And no Christmas banquet is complete without an assortment of nuts and honey. The nuts symbolize the fertility of the earth so eating the two together ensures one of a sweet and propserous New Year.

In Italy gifts are delivered by La Befana - a female Santa Claus. She is portrayed as a kind ugly witch which teaches the children that gifts can come from anywhere and anyone. Another tradition tied to gifts and giving is the Urn of Fate. A bag is loaded with wrapped boxes, some containing gifts and some empty. There is a box for everyone so a new meaning is given to "You get what you get and you don't throw a fit!" But one gift that is given to everyone no matter where or who is the Pope's Christmas blessing which is delivered from St. Peter's at noon on Christmas Day.

So Buon Natale! I hope you enjoyed this little visit to Italy with me. I think I'll pass on the eel though if you don't mind. See you later today for a quick stop over in Sweden!

Off to the Emerald Isle!

Ahhh, Ireland! The one place I would love to visit for a year! I'm a European mutt so you may get more information about the European countries that you every wish to know but I promise I'll try not to bore you. (Did I mention that I should have a guest post for Germany? Stay Tuned!!)

Now a little poll for you? How many of you put candles in your windows? Did you know that that is an invitation for strangers to enter in Ireland? Ok, maybe not "invitation" but it is traditionally an indication that strangers are welcome - perhaps a nod to the inkeeper in the Nativity story.

Much of the decorations put up during the season are natural. True pine wreaths, holly branches and sprigs, pine cones, ivy and definitely a real Christmas tree are all among the decor for the season. This may account for my love of wreaths and garland in my decorating (althought mine are all fake - oops). And if you have a Nativity may I suggest that you consider adding an Irish tradition this year? When did Jesus truly arrive on the scene? On Christmas Eve, correct? In Ireland they wait until Christmas Eve or even Christmas morning to put Jesus in the manger.

The day after Christmas is called St. Stephen's Day in honor of St. Stephen, the first martyr in the Christain faith. In South Ireland it would not be uncommon to see "Wren Boys" on St. Stephen's Day. Originally it was a day of hunting wrens because of the legend that a wren is the tattletale who gave away Stephen's location to those who were hunting him. Then it became a day for young men (think frat boys here) to dress up in straw outfits and march from home to home drumming and playing whistles and reciting the poem:

"The wren, the wren, the king of all birds,
On St. Stephen's Day was caught in the furze,
Although he is little, his family is great,
I pray you, good landlady, give us a treat."

Originally they would be given a penny or some pittance from the home which they then put toward a party! That was sincerely frowned on by the church so now the Wren Boys collect for charities.

Now here is a tradition I found that all women should embrace regarless of their ethnic background! January 6th (no, not Dia De Los Reyes!) is called "Women's Christmas." It is the day that all the decorations come down and the season is closed. But here's why I say we should all embrace it - the men give the women the day off! That's right ladies! The men take down the decorations and clean up the holiday mess. All in favor? Unfortunately for us it didn't really stick and women do get honored but still pretty much do the work - but you don't have to tell your family that!!

Now what would our stop be without a nod to all the food? As a starter you would see smoked salmon or prawns. Then you have goose or turkey with all the trimmings (potatoes of course!) and the finishers would be Christmas (plum) pudding or mince pies. On a side note, mince pies and a Guinness are the traditional offerings for Santa as well as some apples or veggies for the reindeer.

After dinner it is traditional to see a Pantomime or go to the horse races. Although the truly brave souls head for water and go for a Christmas swim. Only in Ireland!!

**Information was heavily gleaned from DoChara, an absolutely fabulous site that made me fall even more in love with Ireland!**

I am Enjoying Summer in December!

I'm enjoying it so much in fact that I think I'm going to stay in the Southern Hemisphere for a while longer (at least for today)! So it's over the mountains into Chile!

Christmas in Chile is a combination of our traditional customs and some that we saw in our other Latin American countries. The Nativity is present under the Christmas tree and Masses begin on the 16th and culminate with a midnight mass on Christmas Eve. There is a little twist though in that the children open their gifts on Christmas Eve instead of on Christmas Day.

Are any of you from Chile or familiar with the Christmas customs? Because I got a little confused here. Viejito Pascuero (Old Man Christmas) aka Papa Noel (Father Christmas) aka Santa still comes to bring the presents either via the chimney or through the window. So if he comes at night and brings the presents then either he is coming the night of the 23rd and the children have to wait ALL DAY on Christmas Eve or he comes while everyone is at Mass. For the sake of those poor Chilean children I hope he comes during Mass! Can you imagine looking at your presents ALL DAY and you weren't able to open them until after church - at midnight!!

Christmas Day is dedicated to playing with all those new toys and apparently the popular gifts are bikes and roller skates (again?!). Then there is a large family meal with azuela de ave (chicken soup with potatoes, onions and corn on the cob) , pan de pascua (Chilean fruit cake) and cola de mono - Monkey's Tail (coffee with milk, liquor, cinnamon and sugar). Something tells me after a meal like that you could be acting like a Monkey's Tail!

Both in Brazil and in Chile it is not uncommon to spend Christmas on the beach. I know some folks dream of a white Christmas but I can't say I would be terribly distressed if every once in a while I could have sand in my shorts on Christmas.

Oh cabana boy! I'll have a pan de pascua and a cola de mono - hold the pan!

I'm Headed to the Canal!

When I made my list of countries to visit on my Christmas tour I thought the traditions would vary significantly - especially in Central America where there were so many different tribal influences - Mayan, Aztec etc. And there is some of that but it I am quickly learning that the global communtiy is very quickly bleeding one culture into another.

Our next stop on the tour is Panama where I thought for sure there would be a lot of very different traditions since it is the gateway between North and South America. Guess what? I forgot about our little visit there called the Panama Canal! As a result I am learning that there is a very strong American influence on their holiday traditions.

Panama strikes me as a bit conflicted in their holiday. Christmas is brought in with fireworks - very unlike their highly religious neighbors who celebrate with midnight mass. Then they go to Mass the next morning to offer prayers. Particularly in the area around the canal they are very American in their decorating with elaborate outdoor lights and flood lights and Christmas trees. But like every good holiday they don't hold back on the food. Arroz con pollo (chicken with rice), ham, tamales, fruitcake, and bowls of fruit all come together for a family meal.

Of all the countries (all 3 of them!) that we have visited so far Panama has been one of the most interesting. They have married the American and Hispanic cultures to create a very unique holiday of their own. I would love to be able to pass through the canal this time of year and see just how close that marriage is!

Praise the Lord and Pass the Mashed Potatoes!

Can we say blurry eyes? Holy cow! Let's just see. I comment on an average of 15-20 blogs a day; we've been at this for 11 days now? So I'm up to about 165-220 comments? No wonder my contacts took themselves out last night! But you know what? I'm going to miss it. This has been a real treat! And of course I have added so many blogs to my blogroll! Yay! So here we go!

Sponsors: Day Eleven Blog Party Question is Brought to you by Shishu Style and Mimsi Bags.
VIP BLOGS to visit are Parent Reviewers , Mom Most Traveled, Mommy Zabs, MomStart, HipposToes, Run DMT

This was by far one of the hardest questions of the whole party! I hope the rest of the participants did better than I did.

If you could only eat ONE food on Thanksgiving Day, what would it be? Do you have a homecooked meal for Thanksgiving or do you go out to eat? Does your family dress up?

Yay! It’s almost here! I L-O-V-E Thanksgiving! I should have been a cook. Cooking and baking are my therapy when nothing else will soothe my savage breast (which I baste every 90 minutes BTW!) The warmth. The smells. The challenge. The suspense that it all came out right! I’m getting the giddy shakes already!

Oh yes. It is definitely home cooked here. We start with the stuffing which is packed with sausage, onions, celery, garlic, and mushrooms. We fill the turkey and we peel the REAL potatoes. We stew and relish cranberries. The pies, apple, cherry and pumpkin, are baked first thing in the morning to tempt all day. There is a green bean casserole, baked butternut squash or sweet potatoes, and gravy. The table ends up so full that we pass the plates instead.

In regards to dressing? Promise you can keep a secret? I dress from the waist up – pictures and all you know. But you can bet that my legs are tucked inside some nice, stretchy, comfy-under-any-pressure yoga pants! Oh yeah! It’s not about the waist band for me. It’s about the easy transition from Cooking Nazi to Tryptophan Coma Girl. If you are going to get a really good nap in after your meal you HAVE to be comfy!

And now the moment you have been pining for. If I could only eat one food on Thanksgiving what would it be? I like turkey. I love green bean casserole. Stuffing is killer. But if you are going to give me a plate of anything and tell me that that is the only thing I get all day? Bring on Mount Mashed Potatoes! Dump a tub of butter in the bowl and pass them over with a great BIG spoon! Remember the scene from A Christmas Story? "Show mommy how the piggy eats!" Gimmee those taters and I’ll re-enact it for you!

You may have noticed that there aren’t many full body shots of me around. Mashed potatoes will do that to a girl’s butt!

But I'm curious as to what my readers will pick as their one and only. Hmmm? But I'll warn ya, come after my taters and you may draw back a nub! Don't forget to check out the rest of the bleary eyed party animals over at MomDot and see what leftovers are out there for you!

Who's hungry?

Here it is! Day 4 of the MomDot Blog Party! I took the weekend off to rest my fingers and get my commenting thoughts straight so you guys better bring me some good ones today! I also got out my recipe box so I can rob pillage and plunder today as I run around Bloggy Land. But more about that later.

Sponsors: Day Four Blog Party Question is Brought to you by Bottlewise and Glow Mama
VIP BLOGS to visit are Parent Reviewers , Mom Most Traveled, Mommy Zabs, MomStart, HipposToes, Run DMT

Today's question was a tough one for me.

What is your favorite Holiday recipe? Describe your Holiday table and tell us about your biggest holiday cooking disaster.

This theme takes some real pondering for me. A favorite holiday recipe. Since I cook year round as a hobby I am struggling to find something that I cook only for the holidays.

Turkey? I do roasted chickens for dinners so that is a pretty standard. Cranberries? They are seasonal but there is really no recipe there. Mashed potatoes? Baked Sweet Potatoes? Pies? Green Bean Casserole? All of those are pretty traditional. I am a person who loads up the stuffing with a lot of extras (sausage, mushrooms, celery, onion) but there is no recipe for that either because it is one of my “smell it” recipes.

I would share my Chocolate Chip recipe but a cook with a trademark product never gives away the crown jewel. But on the dessert line there is one thing that I will share - mainly in the hope that someone else will claim it and make them so that I am never called on again. Chocolate Covered Cherries! You know those wonderful Queen Anne delights that you see in the red boxes? Oh yes! I love them! But last year I made them for the first time for a Christmas Eve party and have been saddled with them since. So here they are for anyone who would like to take them off of my To Do list.

Chocolate Covered Cherries
1/3 cup butter, softened
2 1/4 cups sifted powdered sugar
1 to 1 1/2 teaspoons milk
2 teaspoons cherry liqueur
2 (10-ounce) jars maraschino cherries with stems, drained
1 (8-ounce) package semisweet chocolate squares
1 tablespoon shortening

Beat butter at medium speed with an electric mixer until creamy; gradually add powdered sugar, beating well. Add milk and liqueur, beating until blended. Shape sugar mixture around cherries, coating completely, and place on wax paper.

Microwave chocolate squares and shortening in a 2-cup glass measuring cup at HIGH 1 1/2 minutes or until melted, stirring twice. Dip coated cherries by stems into chocolate mixture, allowing excess to drip; place on wax paper. Let stand until firm. Store loosely covered in a cool place 1 week or until centers soften.

I have been very fortunate to have avoided disasters (unless you count the time Mom was cooking for me at my house and couldn’t figure out how to turn my oven on). On the other hand, if anyone has a good gravy system to share I could use it. The Lion is a little weary of asking for two lumps on his potatoes.

Good luck! And happy kitchen clean up!

Mom Tip #51

If you give a mom a grocery list, be ready to give her a cookie.

Did I mention that the Zoo has had 2 touring exhibits this week? Yeah well, we have. Needless to say it had been an interesting week. Which could explain a lot about this tip.

On my To Do list yesterday were three little words that I dread. “Make grocery list.” Ugh. But I pulled up my big girls and got to work.

If you give a mom a grocery list, she will write a few things on it. Then she will open the pantry to see what else is running low. In an effort to check the sugar, she will end up cleaning out and organizing the entire pantry only to learn that she is OUT of sugar. So she’ll write that on the list. She will then decide to check the other spices.

While in the spice cabinet (which she will also clean out and organize) she will remember that she has not taken anything out for dinner. She will go to the freezer to take something out and will start to stare blankly at the half gallon of rocky road ice cream. As water begins to drip from the ice maker she will snap out of it and run for the mop.

As long as she has the mop out, she will decide that this is a good time to mop the kitchen floor. Only when she opens the cabinet she will notice that she is very low on cleaning products. She should put those on the grocery list. The grocery list!!

She will try to focus and will open the next cabinet in line – the canned good cabinet. Can anyone say clean out and organize? As she writes tomatoes on the list she will remember seeing a coupon for tomatoes in the Sunday paper.

Two hours later after clipping, sorting, and filing coupons, she will try to remember what she was doing in the first place. Instead she will put away the (still dry) mop and switch out the laundry.

Then she will sit down and have a cookie. After all, she earned it! She’s been working hard!

Feeding Time at the Zoo!

Well, here it is. Time to feed the exhibits and you are out of ideas. I thought maybe I would give it a good old college try and share some ideas with you on a weekly basis. We'll call it Feeding Time at the Zoo.

This week's menu:
Monday: Dump a Can Veggie Soup
Tuesday: Clear the Cabinet Shepherds Pie
Wednesday: Pass the Pasta Chicken Alfredo
Thursday: Freezer Diving Au Jus Sandwiches
Friday: Forgive me Family Baked Chicken

Here's the recipe for Dump a Can Veggie Soup (featured at The Bowl for Wordless Wednesday) but if any of the others peaked your interest let me know and I'll share those too!

Dump-a-Can Veggie Soup
1 lb + stew meat cut up into bites
1 10 oz can of diced tomatoes (lightly drained)
2 cans each corn, green beans, diced potatoes (lightly drained)
2 whole carrots chopped
¼ white onion diced
3 cloves garlic minced
2 cans beef broth
Dump in a stew pot and let it go for a few hours. Season to taste with salt and pepper.

Mom Tip #41

NEVER deep clean on low mom esteem or during PMS.

*This Tip is rated WS (Weak Stomach). Not appropriate for readers with sensitive gag reflexes.*

You know what I’m talking about, right? There are just days when you question your fitness as a mother and you actually think about calling Child Protective Services and reporting yourself!! And don’t let that day fall during PMS because then you actually pick up the phone and start to dial!

Never deep clean when you are in this “happy” place. It’s just bad for business all around.

I was feeling pretty good about things this morning. I got up and got moving early so the basic maintenance housework was done quickly. That’s when I decided today was the day to REALLY clean the kids’ room. This entails completely clearing the closet and starting from scratch; getting the broom and pulling everything out from under the beds; and eliminating everything from the top of the dresser.

As I dug in the closet a strange sweet smell kept wafting by my nose. I went through every toy until I came to the laundry basket. This is never a good place to sniff closely but I was left with no choice. Oh yeah! There it is! But the basket is empty?! So I took out the liner. The remains of what I think was a banana. I take the liner out every other week on Sheets Thursday and last week was the week so this thing has pretty much been in there since last Friday. Urk.

Then it was time for the broom under the bed. Clank, Thunk, Thud. And Squish?! That’s not supposed to happen. Seventeen books, 2 shoes (not the same pair), four sippy cups with questionable contents, and an apple impaled on the end of the broom?! Do you know how hard it SHOULD be to impale an apple with a broomstick? Urk!

I turned toward the dresser with dread but I had come this far so there was no turning back. Dress up clothes to go back to the playroom, the 8 outlet covers that have been missing for 3 months, the Lawgiver 3000 (they think they’re sneaky!), and a snack bag of moldy Cheeze-its. People, Cheeze-its will be the food of the cockroaches after the nuclear holocaust. They don’t go stale; they don’t ever run out: and they certainly don’t mold! Unless of course they are put in the ultimate Petri dish known as my children’s room. Double Urk!

You would think that that would have been enough for me wouldn’t you?! Oh no! I’m a glutton! I went for the laundry closet after that. This is where I found 238 hair bows (that have been replaced 5 times), 7 socks (whose mates have probably gone to the happy dryer in the sky months ago!), and a pair of underpants that over shot the top of the washer and would probably test even the most highly trained carbon dater’s skills!

If I had been doubting my skills as a mom and housekeeper this would have done me in. I would be sitting in that nice clean closet hugging my knees, rocking and petting my own hair. But it’s a good day. Maybe I’ll adjust the straps on my gas mask and go for the bathroom closet next! That should be fun!

Mom Tip #39

Supervise your child’s education.

And you may say, “Well, DUH!!” But I’m not talking about your child’s formal education. No, not the great halls of learning. Yes, you should supervise that but since when have you known this mom to be talking about the mainstream version of things?

No, I’m talking about the things one child learns from another – namely what the younger sibling learns from the older.

As is our standard operating procedure here at Zoo Suburbia, I made the kids dinner and set them up at their table in the kitchen. Then I left them to enjoy their meal in peace and harmony (ok. Now I’m laughing at myself!). They thought I had gone downstairs apparently because I came out of the bedroom where I had been folding laundry to hear the following conversation.

T: But I don yike dis stuff (referencing the sauce I had put on his spaghetti).

Big M: It’s okay Tuck. Just do what I do. Eat what you want and then throw your plate at the hole in the sink. The yucky stuff will go down the hole and Mom will never know.

T: Good idea Mo! Thanks!

Big M: Sure! It’s what I always do with my peas!

Please note that “the hole” is the garbage disposal. I’ve been wondering why I’ve been hearing 4 or 5 plates hit the sink every night when they are done with dinner – there’s only 3 of them and Munch isn’t clearing her own plate yet. That leaves 2 plates to make 5 noises? After hearing the above conversation I put it together.

Mo is tall enough now to see into the sink. If her “undesirables” don’t go down the disposal the first time she pulls the old “try, try again!” And now The Boy has picked up the tip so if she reports that his “undesirables” haven’t hit their mark he has her pull his plate back out so he can “try, try again.”

Looks like I’ll be eating a lot of chicken nuggets and corn dogs while I’m on pea patrol from now on.

Mom Tip #24

Sometimes you have to use kid logic to figure life out.

I have trained my children to scrape their plates into the trash and put them in the kitchen sink when they are done with a meal. Yesterday the fish sticks were a little hot when I put them on the plates so Mo asked if she could put hers in the freezer for a minute to cool them down. Sure, no problem! The meal went on like normal and I went to the bedroom to fold some laundry.

When I came back to the kitchen to load the dishwasher Mo’s plate was nowhere to be found! I asked her about it and she assured me repeatedly that she had put it on the counter beside the sink. I searched every possible nook and cranny of our kitchen and couldn’t find the plate. Well, it’ll turn up or start stinking. Either way I’ll find it.

About an hour later I was dealing out some fruit for dessert and I casually asked Tuck if he had seen Mo’s plate.

“Well, sure Mom! It’s in the fidge-ator!” and he opened the freezer door. There was Mo’s plate with 2 fish sticks and some almost frozen ketchup. Ummm, why son?

“Well if they were still hot she could come back and eat them later when they cooled down! See, Mom!” I was a complete and utter dingbat for not knowing it naturally.

Tuck cleans his plate at every meal. And by “cleans” I mean “licks it down to the paint!” So in his head the only possible reason she had left food on her plate – because who does that?! – was because it was still too hot; not because she was full. It made perfect sense that the plate was in the freezer.

This has cleared up so many things for me. Of course the dog leash should be under the couch because that’s where the dog also stores his ball, collar, and the cover for the dog door. Of course Daddy’s good shoes should be out on the deck in a rainstorm because they’re going to get wet when he goes to work anyway right? And why shouldn’t the baby have a pull up on her head? She’s the next one to potty train. She should keep that where she’ll be able to find it!

Life makes so much more sense when kid logic is applied.

The Zookeeper's response

Dear Zoo,

I sincerely appreciate the time and effort put into your recent correspondence.

Please take under advisement that the emergency hunger alert system may actually be detrimental to your cause. If you choose to activate the aforementioned "improvement's" to the system, please consider my resignation from my position as Zookeeper to be immediate and permanent. At that point feedings will become the sole responsibility of the large male lion.

As for your concerns about cookie rations, should my resignation be tendered they will no longer exist. Nor will the cookies.

Sincerely,
The Zookeeper