Two Weeks Notice!

That's it! I'm turning in my two weeks notice! I can't take it anymore!

Good thing they are going back to school in two weeks right? Well, Orangutan and Rhino are going to school anyway. Marmoset will still be here with me but that's a whole different world from what we've had this summer.

Holy Crap!

For the first half of the summer I was on it. I would go for a walk first thing; do housework in the early morning while the kids did chores; then we would do some school style stuff so that the two big ones could learn letters and Marmie could do art projects. Then we would hit the pool (yes, every day!) and play all afternoon. The theory was that they would be so worn out by the end of the day that they would pass out without issue! I am rewriting that theory. Mom was so worn out that she couldn't even fight back when they insisted that 12:30 was a perfectly respectable bed time.

I got derailed on the school stuff at the end of June but the kids have forgiven me and according to the review we did this morning they DID actually retain some of the letters and sounds we did earlier. Orangutan is now swimming like a fish and Rhino doesnt' freak out about getting his head wet anymore so that was successful too.

So why am I turning in my notice? Let's see. Orangutan lost her first tooth last week which was gross. She let it go until it was hanging by a string and felt the need to show me just how wiggly it was all the time. Gross! And then last night Rhino decided that he should take a few teeth out too. Ok so he didn't do it on purpose and they didn't come all the way out but taking a header face first into a maple coffee table creates quite a bloody mess. Daddy actually "popped" the teeth back into place when he fell asleep. Yeah, I gagged a little too.

And for the love of Pete! Will these children ever stop eating? I swear my grocery bill has been $100 higher all summer long because they eat nonstop! They've all gained at least 3 inches. Then you have the $700 dollars we spent on dental work. It's a good thing summer is coming to an end because we would be broke if it kept going.

But I am very grateful for the time this summer. We have had a good summer and I think the kids had fun. There has been minimal bloodshed (well, until last night) and a little education going on so I guess it's been a productive summer.

Even so, I'm looking forward to my two weeks being up. And as for that 12:30 bedtime? I'll have my revenge on Monday morning in two weeks!

To my Friend J Jiggety

And any of my other followers who are teachers.


I am writing to apologize to you. I know that your job as a teacher is made infinitely more difficult by parents who do not take advantage of teachable moments and expose their children to new and interesting opportunities and experiences. I understand that science is one of those subjects that can use all the parental assistance possible as it is as much observational as it is hands on.


I am confessing to you right now that I intentionally avoided one such learning experience this afternoon on the way home from school. As we left to go to carpool duty, I noticed that one of our neighborhood sciurus carolinenis (squirrel) had met his (or her) demise on the street leading out of the neighborhood. Having grown up in a rural area I did not give it a second thought because, well, life happens like that. You think you've dodged a bullet and then you see the garbage truck grill.


We completed our assigned rounds and were pulling back into the neighborhood when I observed a cathartes aura (turkey buzzard) feasting on our fresh carrion. I must admit that I sped up a little. Initially my hope was to make said fowl lift off in flight but then I was reminded that should these particular aviators have a full stomach upon lift off they will void said organ. Not what I want to park in the garage. Therefore it became my intent to swiftly ease past my dining friend without startling him or drawing attention to his meal of choice.


I really had no desire to explain to my children why their favorite Over the Hedge character had just become an afternoon snack. I recognize that in doing so I missed out on a tremendous teaching opportunity. I beg your forgiveness and promise that when they are a little older (say 12?) I will make amends by seeking out feasting cathartes auras.


Thank you for understanding my situation and forgiving my cowardice.


Sincerely,
The Zookeeper

Getting a Head Start on Ruining my Children's Education!

I started thinking about it while we were at Home Depot today. Everytime I want my children to remember something I make a rhyme or rythm out of it. Here are just a few things my poor children were subjected to today.

*Nothing in your nose that isn't wearing clothes.

*Saddle up, buckle up, rah, rah, rah!

*Skirt off, sleeves on, socks plus shoes.

*Put it in the potty or Mom will think you're naughty!

*Seat in the seat or you're not gonna eat!

*Chin to the sky - no bubbles in your eyes.

Do you see what I am doing to my children? If educators can make it rythm and rhyme, my children are never going to remember it! I can see right now that the rest of my parenting life is going to be spent pouring over their schoolbooks rhyming their spelling words, state capitals, and history notes.

I wonder if I can get advance copies of the kindergarten curriculum. I have a lot of work to do before August!

Mom Tip #40

Shoo all significant others from the room! This is for Mom’s Eyes Only!

We’re not always right!

Insert collective gasp here! And that is why I noted this tip as MEO.

Yesterday Lord of the Manor was given his first day off in over 8 weeks. He was “ordered” by the boss to take the day off and spend it with the family. So it was time to decide what to do. Through a friend it looked like we were going to the Aquarium for free but Mo was at school. Daddy begged, pleaded, cajoled and even pulled the “It’s Pre-K! It’s not like she’s studying for her SAT’s!” I folded. I didn’t want to pull her out of school on her 7th day but I folded and let Daddy pull her.

We had a fabulous family day! I was wrong. If she hadn’t been with us, it wouldn’t have been as much fun because we would have been rushed to get back to pick her up. She would have missed out on a really great visit to an incredible place. I can’t even imagine the tears I would have been dealing with! So I was wrong.

How many times have I told Tuck not to play with his food? Today he and I were having lunch together. Just us. Kind of like a date. Guess what we did? We played with our food. Have you ever seen a child peeking through the hole he just made in the middle of his PB&J? Have you ever seen the smile that comes out from behind the sandwich as he gets ready to make the hole “REALLY BIG!! Chomp!!”? Or the smile that happens when both of us play monkey and share a banana?

That was one of the best lunch dates I’ve had in a really long time! So I was wrong.

Now. Everyone reading. Right hand over your heart and repeat after me. I, (insert your name), pledge and promise to never breathe a word to the Zookeeper’s family that she can be wrong from time to time.

Hey! I’d do it for you!

Mom Tip #39

Supervise your child’s education.

And you may say, “Well, DUH!!” But I’m not talking about your child’s formal education. No, not the great halls of learning. Yes, you should supervise that but since when have you known this mom to be talking about the mainstream version of things?

No, I’m talking about the things one child learns from another – namely what the younger sibling learns from the older.

As is our standard operating procedure here at Zoo Suburbia, I made the kids dinner and set them up at their table in the kitchen. Then I left them to enjoy their meal in peace and harmony (ok. Now I’m laughing at myself!). They thought I had gone downstairs apparently because I came out of the bedroom where I had been folding laundry to hear the following conversation.

T: But I don yike dis stuff (referencing the sauce I had put on his spaghetti).

Big M: It’s okay Tuck. Just do what I do. Eat what you want and then throw your plate at the hole in the sink. The yucky stuff will go down the hole and Mom will never know.

T: Good idea Mo! Thanks!

Big M: Sure! It’s what I always do with my peas!

Please note that “the hole” is the garbage disposal. I’ve been wondering why I’ve been hearing 4 or 5 plates hit the sink every night when they are done with dinner – there’s only 3 of them and Munch isn’t clearing her own plate yet. That leaves 2 plates to make 5 noises? After hearing the above conversation I put it together.

Mo is tall enough now to see into the sink. If her “undesirables” don’t go down the disposal the first time she pulls the old “try, try again!” And now The Boy has picked up the tip so if she reports that his “undesirables” haven’t hit their mark he has her pull his plate back out so he can “try, try again.”

Looks like I’ll be eating a lot of chicken nuggets and corn dogs while I’m on pea patrol from now on.