Two Weeks Notice!

That's it! I'm turning in my two weeks notice! I can't take it anymore!

Good thing they are going back to school in two weeks right? Well, Orangutan and Rhino are going to school anyway. Marmoset will still be here with me but that's a whole different world from what we've had this summer.

Holy Crap!

For the first half of the summer I was on it. I would go for a walk first thing; do housework in the early morning while the kids did chores; then we would do some school style stuff so that the two big ones could learn letters and Marmie could do art projects. Then we would hit the pool (yes, every day!) and play all afternoon. The theory was that they would be so worn out by the end of the day that they would pass out without issue! I am rewriting that theory. Mom was so worn out that she couldn't even fight back when they insisted that 12:30 was a perfectly respectable bed time.

I got derailed on the school stuff at the end of June but the kids have forgiven me and according to the review we did this morning they DID actually retain some of the letters and sounds we did earlier. Orangutan is now swimming like a fish and Rhino doesnt' freak out about getting his head wet anymore so that was successful too.

So why am I turning in my notice? Let's see. Orangutan lost her first tooth last week which was gross. She let it go until it was hanging by a string and felt the need to show me just how wiggly it was all the time. Gross! And then last night Rhino decided that he should take a few teeth out too. Ok so he didn't do it on purpose and they didn't come all the way out but taking a header face first into a maple coffee table creates quite a bloody mess. Daddy actually "popped" the teeth back into place when he fell asleep. Yeah, I gagged a little too.

And for the love of Pete! Will these children ever stop eating? I swear my grocery bill has been $100 higher all summer long because they eat nonstop! They've all gained at least 3 inches. Then you have the $700 dollars we spent on dental work. It's a good thing summer is coming to an end because we would be broke if it kept going.

But I am very grateful for the time this summer. We have had a good summer and I think the kids had fun. There has been minimal bloodshed (well, until last night) and a little education going on so I guess it's been a productive summer.

Even so, I'm looking forward to my two weeks being up. And as for that 12:30 bedtime? I'll have my revenge on Monday morning in two weeks!

Summertime, and the Livin's Cray-zee!

Well, this is it. The time of year that every stay home mom dreads. Summer. The time when the following questions play in your head even while you are asleep (which I think we have established, mom's don't ever really do).

What do we have to eat?
Is it time to eat?

What can we do now?

Can we go to the pool now?

and of course the every popular collection of catch phrases...

I'm bored.
I'm hungry.
He/she did (insert ultimate world ending evil here) to me!!

I thought I was going to be ok. I made a plan two weeks ago. O is having some literacy issues at school so we are going to have Zoo Summer School! I am Super Mom and therefore I can come up with activities and games and other occupations to help her learn in a fun and engaging way.

Yesterday was Day 1 of my Super Plan. We woke up and hour later than I had planned. Marmie sat on the potty for 15 minutes with no result. And Rhino peed his bed. While I was stripping sheets Marmie went into the kitchen and peed on the floor which of course O walked through. I mopped up the mess and handed out breakfast. We had a nice little chat about what we were going to do while everyone ate and I unloaded the dishwasher.

Breakfast was wrapping up nicely when Marmie got out of her chair and peed on the floor again. Three guesses what O did! Yup, walked through it again!

Ladies and gents that was all before 9 AM yesterday.

The rest of the day went rather well. Our letter of the day was B so we drew B's in grits on cookie sheets; did a B treasure hunt around the house; beat Mom on the head with a baseball bat! (Not really but a late cup of coffee and missed breakfast made me feel like it.) All in all we managed to salvage it and have a good day.

Fast forward to today when we decide to take a trek to the pool. The usual departure chaos but overall a pretty easy time getting out of the house. Being that it is still early in the year, the water was the expected cold but children have no thermostats so they didn't care which meant that I COULDN'T care. Swimming, swimming, swimming.

Hey gang. Let's take a potty break. Rhino had been refusing to get back in the pool for a good 15 minutes and when we went to the potty I learned why and thanked God. Serious debris in the mesh swimming trunks. (Sure! Go ahead and gag. I did!!) Pack everyone up and trek back while watching "stuff" fall out his pant leg. (Gagging again!)

Did I mention that we have been doing a letter of the day? Yeah and today's was P. I really didn't need this many words that started with P.

Planning my Summer

Now I know you all think this is a little premature - especially those of you who are still looking at snow. Here's the thing. Spring break is in two and a half weeks. We all know that spring break is really just a dry run for how nutty things are going to get over the looooooong summer break. That being said, I think it is completely appropriate for me to start planning now.

Here's my list of things that I would be willing to do, vlog and blog for the small fee of some corporate sponsorship. Hey! They are getting behind all kinds of techno Internet promos now and I'm a pretty entertaining person if I do say so myself so I can't see that I could severely hurt anyone. And I have Twitter, Facebook and my two awesome blogs on my side. So here's the list Corporate PR people. Feel free to contact me when you're ready to get behind me.

Remodel my house.
I was thinking that this one could be sponsored by a LOT of companies thus spreading the cost out and minimizing the impact on any one company. I think some appropriate sponsors would be Home Depot (we all know how I feel about Homer), Bed Bath and Beyond, Pier One, Rooms To Go, Behr or the DIY Network. Duct Tape or 3M could also get involved because child restraint and painters tape would definitely be involved. See guys, all you have to do is provide the supplies. I'll provide the sweat, swearing, and crying.

Redo my entire landscaping front and back.
Homer, you are in on this one too. DIY you could come hang out too. Caterpillar, I know you guys are in need of some good face time and I'm sure there are some trees to come down or other front loader/skid loader projects (like spreading topsoil) so I saved some space for you. You may want to send a licensed operator though because I can't guarantee my heavy machinery skills.

And the BIG ONE that I would really knock out of the park for everyone - The East Coast Road Trip!
I have Winnebago, WalMart or Target, and Exxon or BP tagged for this one. Rand-McNally we'll be needing your help too unless Tom Tom or Garmin wants to kick in (just in case Winnie gives me a model that doesn't have a navigation system). I'll go to whatever East Coast landmark or city you want. But know this; if you choose some educational spots, you would expand your campaign base by labeling yourself the Education Company!

So you ask yourself what you get in return? You get your name plastered all over every blog, vlog and my forehead related to your endeavor. You get my dry wit and humor. And you get one free commercial on network TV because you will undoubtedly be so awestruck by my mad skills at PR that you will want to sign me for an enormous contract as a spokesperson.

I should offer a claimer that I really would do all of these things this summer if funds were available. I should also note that while I am not a review or PR blog you can bet your paint rollers and Tang that I would take every single one of these companies up on their offer if they said they would do it.