Normal is...

Mama Kat does a writer's workshop every week and I've been watching some of the writing prompts that have come up from time to time. I couldn't pass one of today's prompts up. "Normal is..." I have to go with "relative" for this one. Normal is relative. Oh yeah!


Normal at my house is waking up somewhere completely different from where you went to sleep wearing something completely different. I fell asleep in the Orangutan-Marmoset exhibit last night (Marmie isn't having such a great transition) and woke up half an hour later on the chaise in the living room. I woke up 3 hours later to Orangutan and Marmie climbing into my bed with me and have no recollection of taking off my sweatshirt, taking out my contacts or even going into my room and clearing the bed which I know was covered with laundry.


Other people go to bed and wake up in the same bed and in the same clothes they went to sleep in. Not sure how they do it but it must not involve children.


Normal in my house is six meals a day. Breakfast, mid morning snack, lunch, mid afternoon snack, small exhibit dinner and large exhibit dinner. And before you tell me that you don't count the snacks as meals you don't know the preparation that goes into peanut butter saltines. Marmie insists that she must have silverware for every meal no matter what it is so it counts as a meal.


Other homes probably don't even have to use bowls for their snacks and therefore can legitimately discount them from being meals. That's not our normal.


Normal at my house is doing AT LEAST one load of laundry a day. I'm lucky if I escape doing two or three. Inevitably as soon as I even think, "Whew! Caught up! Yay!" someone has taken it upon themselves to spill a sippy, poop, pee, barf or draw on something not intended for any of the above. Thus creating another load.


Other homes can probably knock the laundry out in a day on the weekend and not even have to glance in the direction of the hamper until the following week.


Normal at my house is answering the phone and then proceeding to have four conversations at the same time. One with the person who called; one with Rang Tang; one with Rhino; and one with Marmie. None of them will be talking about the same thing. It's a good thing that most of the people who call me share my version of normal and therefore are very understanding (if they aren't having multiple conversations themselves).


Other people answer the phone, have their conversation with the person on the other end and hang up. I bet they even stay on the same train of thought while they are on the phone.


Now I am sure that several of you share the same normal I do but I thought you should know that other people think our life is not normal. Weirdos!

Welcome to the Rhino's Sleeping Standoff!

It's day three and it looks like the Zookeeper is beginning to lose her composure.

Day One of the stand off occurred due to a secret hideaway nap the Rhino managed to sneak in while the Marmoset and her exploding rear acted as 30 minutes of prime cover fire. Due to a bit of a chocolate high the Zookeeper caved and allowed Rhino to snuggle in the Lion's Den thinking that the Lion would relocate him to the Rhino/Orangutan exhibit at a later time. Lion never made it to the den thus leaving Rhino in the den for the whole night.

Day Two. Zoo lock down went as planned with all exhibits in their proper zones, covered and quiet. Thirty minutes later the Zookeeper stubbed her toe on a fleece covered "rock" that had managed to work HIMSELF from the Rhino/Orangutan exhibit into the middle of the hallway. After another 30 minutes of Lion snuggling and negotiation, the Rhino ended up...in the den. Again with the intentions of relocating him. Again, did not happen.

And here we are at Day Three of Rhino's Sleeping Standoff. We are at 10:32 PM and he is actively exploring the activity area of the Zoo without so much as a shadow of bloodshot in his eye. Sound effects are still in full effect and he has converted the activity area resting apparatus (aka playroom couch) into four carefully spaced landing zones for his imaginary kangaroo friend.

Send coffee. This Zookeeper is going to need it!

Mom Tip Monday

I know that my Mom Tips are usually all about some off the wall something that my children have taught me. I thought maybe I would shake it up a little and give you something you could really use. Some real live tips for Mom's (and Dad's too!) from a Mom who somehow manages to function in this whole world of parenthood.

Let's start with our morning. I know a lot of families face some serious challenges getting out the door in the morning with minimal crying, wailing and gnashing of teeth - and that's just Mom! So here are a few little tricks that we pull that help get us out the door.

#1. Do as much the night before as you can.
And you know it would help if you could just do this one thing every night. Pick out/layout clothes the night before as part of your bed time routine. Down to the shoes! That way there is no scramble looking for the missing lefty in the morning.

#2. Pack lunches and prep your coffee pot while you clean up dinner.

There are two reasons I do this. A) it's done the night before (see #1). And B) I only have to clean up once.

#3. Focus on the task at hand.

Too many times I try to start laundry, make beds, get everyone out of the house, clean up breakfast, empty the dishwasher....well, you get my point! If you can empty the dishwasher while everyone is having breakfast, yay for you! Go for it. But remember if it's a hectic morning there are things that can wait.

Start there. Try those little tips out this next week (and really focus on them!) and let me know how it works for you. Next week we'll try to tackle some Housekeeping 101. I'm a stay home mom but I'll try to share tips that work for both or offer suggestions on how to tweak the tips to fit a working parent's life too.

If you have a housekeeping challenge that you would like to hear a Zookeeper's take on just drop me a line at ineedthezoo(at)yahoo(dot)com. I'll give it my best shot!

Mom Tip #54

If you want it done right,…well, you know the rest.

L.M. Lion confessed today. He really cannot clean the kitchen. He tries sometimes and I have to give him credit for that. But he really is not good at it.

The dishwasher ends up loaded inefficiently; the clean silverware ends up a jumbled mess; the counters get a lick (from the dog probably) and a promise (that the Zookeeper will be done folding laundry soon) on the best of days; and the mop asks him for ID if he even looks in its direction. Lion looked at me today with the most pitiful of looks I have seen from him in a while and said, “Please, can you do it? You’re just so much better at it than me. And it will get done faster.” The “faster” is what got to me. The rest of the exhibits were clamoring for food and there was no way they were getting any from the kitchen in its current state.

So L.M. Lion took off to get fuel for his leaf blower so that he could complete a “man” project while I tackled the disaster area before FEMA showed up. By the time he got back from the gas station and got his yard shoes on I had reestablished that counters DID actually exist and had scoured a layer of…something out of a few pots in the sink. Before he was done with the yard the counters and stove top had been cleaned, the floor had been swept and the mop had thanked me for not letting him fall into the hands of that mad man who had been eyeballing him. The small exhibits were enjoying their rations and even the dog had a look of gratitude for clearing a path to his food bowl.

Moms, I know we wish our significant others would help more with the housework. But do we really mean it? Really? Deep down we know that we are going to end up redoing the things they don’t do to our liking and we really don’t want to help in the yard anyway.

I’m just saying. If you want it done right,…well, you know the rest.

Feeding Time at the Zoo!

Well, here it is. Time to feed the exhibits and you are out of ideas. I thought maybe I would give it a good old college try and share some ideas with you on a weekly basis. We'll call it Feeding Time at the Zoo.

This week's menu:
Monday: Dump a Can Veggie Soup
Tuesday: Clear the Cabinet Shepherds Pie
Wednesday: Pass the Pasta Chicken Alfredo
Thursday: Freezer Diving Au Jus Sandwiches
Friday: Forgive me Family Baked Chicken

Here's the recipe for Dump a Can Veggie Soup (featured at The Bowl for Wordless Wednesday) but if any of the others peaked your interest let me know and I'll share those too!

Dump-a-Can Veggie Soup
1 lb + stew meat cut up into bites
1 10 oz can of diced tomatoes (lightly drained)
2 cans each corn, green beans, diced potatoes (lightly drained)
2 whole carrots chopped
¼ white onion diced
3 cloves garlic minced
2 cans beef broth
Dump in a stew pot and let it go for a few hours. Season to taste with salt and pepper.

Introducing The Zookeeper's Inbox

Ever wondered if other Zookeepers face the same management issues you do?

Well, it's time to find out! Use the contact info on my profile and send me your questions! I may not have the solution but I can probably paint your issue in a new light that may make it a little more tolerable. So send me those questions. And watch for yours to appear in "The Zookeeper's Inbox!" Prime example from my inbox today....You remember the Chimp with the grooming issue, right? Her Keeper is back.

"Dear Zookeeper,
Greetings again from my little crazy zoo! We've had some strange things going on at night at our zoo and I wanted to share them with you to see if it's just my zoo or if all zoos have this problem.

First, I should give you an overview of the exhibit arrangements at my zoo. My Hippo shares an exhibit with the Hyena. The Chimp has her own exhibit. I usually spend the night in the Baboon's exhibit because he tends to not use it most of the night. And when he does, he's kind of nice to cuddle with.

This is what happens at night at our zoo: The Chimp and Hyena exhibits are closed at about the same time. We have to use extra security for the Chimp exhibit as she is still getting used to having a big exhibit all to herself. The Hippo begins the night in the lobby, because the Hyena takes quite a while to recognize that the exhibit is closed and settle down. Before I retire to the Baboon exhibit, I make sure the Hippo is safely in her exhibit. The Baboon is usually out doing whatever a Baboon does at night.


At some point in the night, the Hyena leaves her exhibit and joins me in the Baboon area. When the Baboon comes back to the zoo, he crowds into the area as well. Feeling very out of place with a bunch of smelly animals, I get up and move to the lobby until morning.

Shortly before dawn, the Chimp will stir. If she is not quieted, she will wake up the whole zoo. I send the Baboon into her exhibit to keep her company.


Occasionally, the Hippo will require food before breakfast and will end up in the lobby with me.
So, by opening of the zoo, you have the Hyena in the Baboon exhibit, the Baboon sharing the Chimp's exhibit with her, the zookeeper in the lobby and somehow the Hippo asleep in the food prep area. It's a game of musical exhibits.

I never thought that being a zookeeper meant I would learn to play party games in my sleep.


Yours truly...

A.R. Zookeeper"

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Dear A.R. Zookeeper,

Nocturnal party games are a regular occurrence here at Zoo Suburbia as well.

I have found that it is in my best interest to protect the Lion's den at all cost. A. The Lion does not respond well to interruptions in his nocturnal habits and has been known to throw a hard right paw at the interrupter without regard for who or where he contacts. B. The Lion is also very grumpy if he is awakened via a depositing Rhino or a kicking Orangutan and generally expresses his displeasure at me and me alone.

As a result of my regard for the Lion's den I have found it is best to move to the exhibit in question itself. I have spent many a night on the floor beside the Rhino cage or in the Orangutan's exhibit. Marmoset prefers to sleep on me in her exhibit if she is interrupted and therefore I have taken steps to install more Keeper friendly fixtures.

In the event I am unable to protect the den, I like you have been known to return to the lobby for the evening. I wish I could tell you that eventually your Zoo will settle into a more stable nocturnal routine. Unfortunately, I have heard from more established Zoos that the settling is short lived and then they just don't return to the Zoo until the wee hours still disrupting your rest. Take consolation in the fact that you are not alone.

Your friend,

The Zookeeper