Normal is...

Mama Kat does a writer's workshop every week and I've been watching some of the writing prompts that have come up from time to time. I couldn't pass one of today's prompts up. "Normal is..." I have to go with "relative" for this one. Normal is relative. Oh yeah!


Normal at my house is waking up somewhere completely different from where you went to sleep wearing something completely different. I fell asleep in the Orangutan-Marmoset exhibit last night (Marmie isn't having such a great transition) and woke up half an hour later on the chaise in the living room. I woke up 3 hours later to Orangutan and Marmie climbing into my bed with me and have no recollection of taking off my sweatshirt, taking out my contacts or even going into my room and clearing the bed which I know was covered with laundry.


Other people go to bed and wake up in the same bed and in the same clothes they went to sleep in. Not sure how they do it but it must not involve children.


Normal in my house is six meals a day. Breakfast, mid morning snack, lunch, mid afternoon snack, small exhibit dinner and large exhibit dinner. And before you tell me that you don't count the snacks as meals you don't know the preparation that goes into peanut butter saltines. Marmie insists that she must have silverware for every meal no matter what it is so it counts as a meal.


Other homes probably don't even have to use bowls for their snacks and therefore can legitimately discount them from being meals. That's not our normal.


Normal at my house is doing AT LEAST one load of laundry a day. I'm lucky if I escape doing two or three. Inevitably as soon as I even think, "Whew! Caught up! Yay!" someone has taken it upon themselves to spill a sippy, poop, pee, barf or draw on something not intended for any of the above. Thus creating another load.


Other homes can probably knock the laundry out in a day on the weekend and not even have to glance in the direction of the hamper until the following week.


Normal at my house is answering the phone and then proceeding to have four conversations at the same time. One with the person who called; one with Rang Tang; one with Rhino; and one with Marmie. None of them will be talking about the same thing. It's a good thing that most of the people who call me share my version of normal and therefore are very understanding (if they aren't having multiple conversations themselves).


Other people answer the phone, have their conversation with the person on the other end and hang up. I bet they even stay on the same train of thought while they are on the phone.


Now I am sure that several of you share the same normal I do but I thought you should know that other people think our life is not normal. Weirdos!

A Letter to Rhino: About your Clothes...

Dear Rhino,

Good morning small, stubborn exhibit. I can see that we are about to have one of "those" days so I thought I would write you a little note instead of (wringing your scrawny neck) getting into a debate with you.

I apologize for not switching the laundry over to the dryer last night. That was an oversight on my part. Had I realized that the sweatshirt that matches those sweats had missed the load capacity cutoff, you may be assured that I would have been more attentive to making sure drying happened in a more timely fashion.

For the record, I really DO appreciate your keen fashion sense and desire to coordinate all your attire. It's wonderful that you are so image conscious and take pride in your appearance. It will get you far in life.

However. If you decide to throw yourself on the floor, kick, scream, wail, pound, bang, screech, and spin in circles like that over a shirt ever again, I assure you that you will spend the rest of your life naked. I'm fine with it. Sure it's 20 degrees outside and there is still some snow on the ground. Of course with the wind chill at 2 that could cause some issues for your exposed skin but it's your choice.

I have told you before but apparently it bears repeating. I do not negotiate with terrorists. Our dryer is fast and as you can tell from the fact that you are now wearing said matching sweatshirt, all things dry in time. Since I see no visible scars from putting on the T-shirt that matches the pants, I am pretty sure you are going to survive to tell your shrink about this one.

Now that we have the clothing issue out of the way, can we please have a better day? Your darling Orangutan shared her barfs with me and I am really not in any kind of mood to deal with your terrorism any more today.

With deepest love and thanks,

The Zookeeper

Wordless Wednesday: You served us well.

This is dead.

This is two days worth of dead.

**You can see the rest of the story now over at The Bowl.**

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Motherhood Means...Work

Welcome to Laundry Peak! Enjoy your visit!

Mom Tip #47

Your children got a mission and they chose to accept it.

To undo everything you have done with in seconds of completing it.

It started with the dishwasher. I was unloading and putting everything away. Munch was pulling all the Tupperware out of the cabinet behind me.

Then it was the living room. I put toys in the cabinet; she took all the pillows off the furniture. I put the pillows back; she took all the blankets off the fireplace. I folded and put the blankets back; she took all the toys out of the cabinet.

Moving on to the bedrooms, beds were unmade while shoes were put away. Stuffed animals were put in the laundry basket while beds we remade. Shoes went for a walk around the house while stuffed animals were sorted back out and put on their respective beds.

And speaking of the laundry basket! No need to sort while she’s around. The dirty stuff will end up in the dryer. The clean stuff will end up on the floor and the wet stuff will end up under the comforter on my bed. ::sigh:: I sorted it all out, got a load going and trudged to my room to fold. She insists on being on the bed while I am in the room. This was the perfect timing to unfold each pile, knock as much as possible on the floor, and smile and laugh the whole time.

I gave up. How can she undo vacuuming? So I started only to have the vacuum go dead in my hand. She had unplugged me. Not once but three times. I would plug it in, walk back to the vacuum, start it up and maybe get two passes in before it went dead.

Remember how I said that there were some days when you just were not going to get anything done? Today is one of those.

A Letter from the Zookeeper

Dear Pygmy Marmoset,



You are an amusing tenant here at Zoo Suburbia, of that there is no doubt. However, we need to address your skills as a contributing member of the Zoo.

I greatly appreciate any assistance that you can offer me in the upkeep of the Zoo. As long as it is actually "assisting."

I have no doubts that you understand that when you wear your daily attire it tends to get soiled. I know that you are aware of this as you have started removing said soiled attire as soon as you deem it unfit to wear. This creates something we call "laundry."

When laundry is soiled it goes in a receptacle known as a "laundry basket." You are familiar with said object and I have seen you use it. Bless you. Could you teach Orangutan and Rhino how it works? Moving on. I, your friendly neighborhood Zookeeper, remove the soiled laundry from the basket and put it in the laundering machine. When it has cycled through, it goes in to the drying machine.

This is the first step in which your assistance becomes detrimental to our process. Removing the lint filter from the drying machine while I am trying to load it is not good timing. Spreading the aforementioned lint all over the wet laundry is simply bad practice. Forcing the lint filter back in to the drying machine backwards will only lead down an ugly path with Large Male Lion. I sincerely advise that you refrain from any of the above going forward.

When the drying machine has completed its cycle we move to the final phase of the process. This is another area I feel that we have a communication problem. Jumping on the folding surface (aka my bed) while I have a precariously stacked pile of towels, never ends well. Unfolding all of Rhino's underwear and putting them on your feet, does not shorten the process. And finally, you WILL eventually grow into Orangutan's clothes - please refrain from unfolding them and trying to put them on.

I appreciate your attempts at assisting me. I sincerely do. Next time though, could you save the helping for putting the laundry in the appropriate exhibits?

All my love and affection,

Your Zookeeper