Tuesday Tribute: Here's to You "Normal."

If you've been reading the Zoo for a while you know that I seldom play very many memes here. Most of that finds it's way over to The Bowl. But today there was one that I couldn't resist. Jay at Halftime Lessons and Deb at Dirty Socks and Pizza are the host of Tuesday Tribute. It's a weekly opportunity to bow to someone or something other than our ginormous egos.

This is my first time playing along but I have read quite a few of the tributes in the past. Let's see if I can do the meme justice. My Tribute to "Normal."

Welcome to My Norm!

There's a dino in the dining room
And a pick up in the tub.
There's a martian on the ceiling fan
And an ape under the rug.

A watermelon's sprouted

Underneath the bathroom sink.
And something quite unknown
Is making such a stink.

I saw a walrus hiding

In the pillows on mom's bed.

She hasn't found my toad yet

Or I'd probably be dead.

My little sister just ate dirt.

The big one flushed the phone.

I think I should try hiding

Until my Dad gets home.

I think my mom is losing it.

She's about to blow her stack.

'Cause she may have just discovered

She's standing in dog yack.

I'm pretty sure at other homes

This scene might make you squirm.

But around these parts my mom would say...

Welcome to my Norm.

Normal is...

Mama Kat does a writer's workshop every week and I've been watching some of the writing prompts that have come up from time to time. I couldn't pass one of today's prompts up. "Normal is..." I have to go with "relative" for this one. Normal is relative. Oh yeah!


Normal at my house is waking up somewhere completely different from where you went to sleep wearing something completely different. I fell asleep in the Orangutan-Marmoset exhibit last night (Marmie isn't having such a great transition) and woke up half an hour later on the chaise in the living room. I woke up 3 hours later to Orangutan and Marmie climbing into my bed with me and have no recollection of taking off my sweatshirt, taking out my contacts or even going into my room and clearing the bed which I know was covered with laundry.


Other people go to bed and wake up in the same bed and in the same clothes they went to sleep in. Not sure how they do it but it must not involve children.


Normal in my house is six meals a day. Breakfast, mid morning snack, lunch, mid afternoon snack, small exhibit dinner and large exhibit dinner. And before you tell me that you don't count the snacks as meals you don't know the preparation that goes into peanut butter saltines. Marmie insists that she must have silverware for every meal no matter what it is so it counts as a meal.


Other homes probably don't even have to use bowls for their snacks and therefore can legitimately discount them from being meals. That's not our normal.


Normal at my house is doing AT LEAST one load of laundry a day. I'm lucky if I escape doing two or three. Inevitably as soon as I even think, "Whew! Caught up! Yay!" someone has taken it upon themselves to spill a sippy, poop, pee, barf or draw on something not intended for any of the above. Thus creating another load.


Other homes can probably knock the laundry out in a day on the weekend and not even have to glance in the direction of the hamper until the following week.


Normal at my house is answering the phone and then proceeding to have four conversations at the same time. One with the person who called; one with Rang Tang; one with Rhino; and one with Marmie. None of them will be talking about the same thing. It's a good thing that most of the people who call me share my version of normal and therefore are very understanding (if they aren't having multiple conversations themselves).


Other people answer the phone, have their conversation with the person on the other end and hang up. I bet they even stay on the same train of thought while they are on the phone.


Now I am sure that several of you share the same normal I do but I thought you should know that other people think our life is not normal. Weirdos!

Mom Tip Mini's (hey they make mini muffins! I can make Mini Tips!)

Some quick lessons I learned all in one day!

Children give great fashion advice – if you don’t take it!
We were going out to get Mo’s new sneakers for school when Tuck gave me a lecture on comfortable shoes.
“Mom, you need to get your shoes too!”
I have my sneaks already Tuck. I don’t need any shoes.
“But they’re not COMFY Mom! You need some REALLY comfy shoes.”
I happen to think these are plenty comfy. Thank you very much.
“Nooo Mom! You need some polka dot sandals because they’re the biggest comfy.”

You have to be really careful with old things.
I was wearing a pair of old boxers (I got them my junior year in high school.)for jammies this morning. Molly noted that they were a bit faded.
“Mom, are those jammies old?”
They sure are Molly.
“So you have to be really careful with them right?”
Well, I guess so. I’d hate to blow the butt out!
“Kind of like Poppie, right?”
Yep, Mo! Kind of like Poppie.

I’m so glad I have my dad on speed dial!

Normal is completely relative.
My sister called me on her way home from work to chat. Bizarre things kept happening and at one point I was afraid she would get into an accident or hyperventilate because she was laughing so hard. I was straight faced and just rolling with each bizarre twist. When she finally caught her breath she said, “So how was your day?”
Just a normal day at the Zoo- if you call Raid before 8 am, boxer conversations, polka dot sandals, random nudity and wormy apples normal.
“For your house? Completely normal!”

Mom Tip #33

Like anything taken on a regular basis, you will build up a tolerance to insanity.

I envy the moms who have a “normal” life. Their children get up and have breakfast, play together, have a snack, play with mom or (gasp!) take a nap?...I think you get my point.

I was sitting on the couch this evening just taking a little breather with my favorite friends from Food Network when out of the blue the nudist was on the coffee table. I really believe that he has built a little teleporter under his bed and he just pops in and out of it to freak me out. But yes, he was (as usual these days) naked. I glanced up and proceeded to conduct the regular interview. Why are you naked again? “Because I was tired of those other clothes. They weren’t fun anymore.” Please put your clothes back on.

He put his shirt on – backwards of course; why would we do it the easy way? And then still naked from the waist down, proceeded to try to look at the fire truck on his back. You’ve seen a dog chase his tail right? Have you ever seen a half naked dog chasing his tail on a coffee table?

The worst part? I didn’t even blink; I just went back to watching 4 normal people build Candy Castles.

I was on the phone with my sister later and swiveled my chair around to have a 3 pound bag of apples dropped on my lap. So I take it you guys want an apple for snack? “Well, yeah!” So I handed them out. Not five minutes later the big one is spitting peels in the garbage can beside my desk. I really wish you would just swallow those. “I’m not a peel person, Mom.”

I used to call my folks or my sister every time they did something off the wall, out there, space cadet bizarre. Now I just wait for the weekend and share the “really good ones.”