Either I Missed Something...

Or Rhino's teachers are little truth stretchers.

How in the world did a child who could barely sit much less pay attention in class suddenly become a star pupil?

I mean it! What happened to my child?

Two weeks ago, I was crying myself to sleep because I just knew he was going to get himself kicked out of school - and he's not even in Kindergarten yet! Lion and I were walking him in so that we could have conferences with the teacher daily. I was headed to the school at 11 AM because they would need me to pick him up for behavior issues.

We put him on a behavior chart last Monday and he did fabulous. He had two weeks to get it together so we put the chart back in this week.

I went to Curriculum Night tonight and his teachers just raved about his complete turnaround and his great willingness to participate and cooperate.

Please don't get me wrong. I'm thrilled, delighted, ecstatic and about to just pop with glee.

I'm also praying that what has been done will not one morning wake up undone just because the switch flipped back again.

I should take consolation though, right? I mean if he's getting all this lunacy out of the way now, I won't have to deal with it when he's a teenage boy sandwiched between two teenage girls, right?

Preemtive Panic Attack

AAAUUUGGGHHH!!!

Thank you. I needed to do that so that I don't do it in about three hours. What happens in three hours you ask? Thank you for caring. My home will have eight people in it. I will be the only one over eight years old. Unless you count the dog.

Let's take a roll call shall we?

K1 - 7 in a few days

K2 - 5

Orangutan - 5 (5 days younger than K2)

Rhino - 4 tomorrow

K3 - 3

Marmoset - 2 in two weeks

and R - 2 on Sunday.

What was I thinking? And I promised them that I would make chocolate chip cookies for snack. Did I mention that it's about to start raining any minute? Me and seven children. In the playroom. All afternoon.

It was nice blogging for you. I'll be in my padded cell tomorrow.

Do You Know What This Is?

This is post #99. Do you know what that means? That means my first post for the MomDot Blog Party tomorrow will be my 100th post! Wow!! I am so incredibly excited! And I don't know what I'm more excited about.

Is it more exciting to have your 100th post and realize that you've been at this long enough to call it an addiction? To realize that you have rambled to 12 people about the nonsense that goes on in your head 100 times and they have faithfully hung around to hear it?

Or is it more exciting for Post #100 to be the launching post that you know (hope and pray) will be seen by a ton of people because they are participating in the same blog party you are? And it's a pretty good post (I've already scheduled it!) if I do say so myself.

Well anyway. It's a great big "Yay for me" so I thank you my faithful few for hanging around this long and I can't wait to see what comes up next! Thanks! And see you tomorrow!

**You are coming back, right?**

Take a Ride in the Livestock Trailer!

We went to pick Orangutan up from O.A.T. today and it was business as usual until we were on our way home.

O: Hey Mom! Do you know what we did at school today? We were working on feeling and hearing!
ZK (that's Me!): So you are talking about your senses this week huh?
O: Yup! I was in Ms. S's group and we were working on hearing. So we listened to pennies and paperclips and blocks and all kinds of stuff.
ZK: Wow! That sounds like it was a lot of fun! So did you drop them or bang them together or what?
O: No they were in boxes and we shook them and had to figure them out by their sounds.
ZK: That's really neat Mo!
O: Do you know which one didn't make any noise?
ZK: No which one? (Please note that I am thinking maybe the teachers put cotton balls in one!)
O: The gummi worm one! But it wasn't one of our gummi worms like we eat. It was one like we went fishing with. But it wasn't making any noise because I think he was asleep. Or dead. He could have been dead.
R: (piping up from the back seat!) Mo! We don't squish worms or poop!
M: Oh no! Not dain! (that's "not again" to all non Marmoset speakers.)

Mom Tip Mini

Think twice before adding last minute exhibits to your zoo.

I love my daughter. I love her friend. I love my son and I love his friend. Having a friend sandwich when you don't HAVE to is not a good idea. Yesterday I had Tuck's friend (because I keep him two days a week). But being the kind and generous person I am, I knew that the girls were out of school today for Election Day. I'll let Mo have an all day playdate!! That will be so nice of me!

Brrrnnnttt. And on top of that I took them all to the park where we met up with the other friends. That's right Zoo fans! I single handedly took four children to the park on an absolutely gorgeous no school day (it was PACKED!!) and met up with one other adult and three more children. Do you have a mental picture yet?

Two adults. One seven year old. Three five year olds. Two three year olds and an eighteen month old. Four children who decided to adopt my friend and I since their parents were too busy talking on their cell phones and about a dozen children who seemed insistent on giving us heart attacks by climbing up the outside of the twenty foot high climbing structure.

I'm exhausted. My nerves are shot. And I still have to mop my floor and make dinner. Did I mention that Tuck's friend comes back tomorrow?

I'm taking Thursday off.

Mom Tip #53

Sometimes the best policy is, “If you can’t beat ’em, join ‘em!”

Well, you are going to be the one to clean it up anyway, right? So why not have some fun while you are at it?

Play dough going wrong for you? Squish! Finger paint getting out of hand (literally)? Smear! Sugar high sending folks ricocheting? Chomp and bounce!

Last night was Halloween and as happens every year the sugar was flowing freely and folks were getting wired. What better way to battle the rush than to get a little sweeter myself! The whole time the Lion was out on procurement, I was home with Marmoset splitting miniature candy bars and popping Sweet Tarts. By the time the Orangutan and Rhino were back, I was INVINCIBLE!! I even managed to bathe children last night!

Sometimes Mom, you have to just stop trying to get the reins back on a runaway stage and just let the horses run it out. There is plenty of time to get back on the trail later – you might as well have a little fun along the way!

Motherhood Means...Maddening!!

Mom Tip #52

Plans are NEVER set in stone – even if you ARE the one who made them.

I think one of the biggest challenges of motherhood is being constantly and faithfully flexible while maintaining your sanity. You can plan a full day and an hour after announcing the plan, the whole smash is shot to pieces and you have to roll with it like the champ you are.

Take my day today. I got up this morning (after sleeping so fitfully on the couch with a teething baby all night) bright and early. The girls were cooperative while getting ready for church. The boys were still in bed but I had a brief conversation with L.M. Lion.

Me: So you are going to carve the pumpkins today, right?
Lion: Sure.Me: Would you pick up a newspaper when you go to get the carving kit while I’m at church? I want to check the sales before I go do the grocery shopping this afternoon.
Lion: I thought I was going to BJ’s (shopping club thing).
Me: When do you want to do that?
Lion: I’ll go tomorrow before I go to work.
Me: Awesome. But get a paper anyway because we need produce and some non-BJ’s stuff.

That settled the final plan was I go to church. I come home, drop off children and run to do grocery shopping while he has quality time with the zoo. I come home; he goes to watch football with his buddies. Then we have a nice family evening carving pumpkins at home.

I came home from church to two boys still in PJ’s, my kitchen trashed from pumpkin guts, no one has had breakfast and my paper has already been torn apart. But I am Mom. I can be flexible. So I scramble to restore order to the kitchen while stewing pumpkin, toasting seeds and making PB&J’s for lunch. I look up to see L.M. Lion in the kitchen door dressed to head to football. Huh? What about the grocery store? Take them with you. When they have been trying to kill each other all day? Not on your life! Well, you’ll work it out. Deep breath. I am Mom. I can be flexible.

Three hours later he comes home. You haven’t been to the grocery store yet? No. I was waiting for you to get home to watch the children. But I was going to go to BJ’s. I thought that was tomorrow morning! I decided to do it today. And you called to tell me when? Well, can you go so I can have the van? Not everything is going to fit in my car. I am Mom. I can be flexible. I grabbed Marmoset and out the door we went for a sprint through the grocery store.

I came home to no progress on the pumpkin front and L.M. Lion napping on the couch. Do I need to mention that BJ’s is happening tomorrow? Two of the three pumpkins got done and dinner was called on account of whiplash.

I am Mom. I can be flexible – just give me a little warning, would you?

Wordless Wednesday

And he wonders what I do all day.

Welcome to my world Large Male Lion!

Mom Tip #46

Suck it up and pay the price now to save on the bill later.

I am not sure how things work at your house but at my house discipline is never easy. It is ugly. It is hard. And it happens all too frequently for my tastes. I honestly thought my folks were full of it when they said “This hurts me more that it hurts you.” Balderdash! Right? Wrong!

Round two of the dental drama that is Magoo’s mouth happened this morning. And once again the two little ones had to go with me. The Boy has been a little prone to dramatic outbursts lately so I was bracing for a rough ride. It really was not very helpful that we overslept by an hour and were rushing to get out the door to only be five minutes late to the appointment. I just knew things were going to go south and fast because this was a very long appointment. Why would they have mercy and wait until the very end to lose their minds?

There could have been a million other reasons they were angels. It could have been the endless parade of people to watch and consider. It could have been the movie on in the little side theater. It could have just been that they knew Mom was a mental case already and they took pity on me.

However, I am going to take the credit for their behavior. I am going to say that it was the fear of the discipline that made them think twice when the temptation to act up kicked in. I am going to say it was the steely eyed crazy look that I had in my back pocket ready for immediate activation if things even looked like they were going to get wild.

I am going to say that it was my sacrifice on the altar of discipline that led me to a peaceful visit to the dental office. I paid my dues and as a reward I was spared from paying more in the form of extreme embarrassment and crazy looks from other mothers in the waiting area.

So the next time you have to “bust someone down to size” remember that paying the price now will please the behavior gods and they will reward you later. Or you could just try being as delusional as I am. That works too.

Mom Tip #45

Even SuperMom has bonehead moments.

And when I say “bonehead,” I mean all out brain fart!

How many millions of times have I told the children to “keep the water IN the tub?” It could be the rinse cup. It could be the bath toys. It could be the washcloth or even their hands but they always – and I mean ALWAYS – manage to get water all over the floor. I have sat right beside the tub from start to finish on a bath and we still end up with mystery water on the floor. I don’t know how but it has happened.

And what about the shower head? We have one that you can pull down and aim and that is how the bigger kids get their baths. They think running from the rinse cup is an Olympic sport and take their training seriously. I have finally broken their training spirit with the shower head so they just stand still and let the rinse cycle happen. But if I put it down for even a minute that is an engraved invitation to start attempting to spray one another which ends in – you guessed it! – water all over the bathroom floor.

Tonight we were almost done. There hadn’t been any screaming. Well, there was that moment when Munch did her business in the tub and freaked Mo out but I digress. Everyone made it through bath without getting soap in their eyes and I was finishing the rinse cycle on Mo. Then it happened. My crowning bonehead moment.

I stood up to put the shower head back on the mount. Did I turn the water off first? Did I at least turn the shower head off first? That would be “No” on both accounts. I aimed it straight at my face and lifted it up. Soaked. From my forehead to my knees. And now there is water on the floor. Was there any water on the floor before my brain fart? I couldn’t tell you because the deluge of water that I unleashed on the bathroom wiped out any prior evidence.

The next time your jaw drops because of a lapse in judgment on your own part, just smile and tell yourself “I’m entitled.”

Am I completely nuts?!

Neighbor is out of town this weekend. Neighbor has a 80 lb chocolate lab. Bentley didn't go out of town with Daddy. I've taken him into the Zoo. Did I mention that I am on cough syrup with codeine? Did I mention that Daddy has to go in to work early tomorrow and will be there late tomorrow night?

So the Zoo now has 1 Large Male Lion, 1 Orangutan, 1 S.M. Rhino, 1 P. Marmoset, 1 small security dog (Jack Russell terrier) and 1 large security dog (chocolate lab). Marmoset thinks Large Security Guard should double as a horse. S.M. Rhino thinks he makes a great pillow. Small Security Dog is incredibly jealous and has been sulking all night.

What have I done?

Mom Tip #44

You’re not imagining it; your children DO have multiple personalities.

Lord of the Manor had a moment yesterday. He looked at me and said, “What is wrong with him!? I don’t like his attitude or behavior at all today!!” Welcome to my world dear.

The Boy really does have multiple personalities. When it’s just us (Tuck, Munch and Mom) he is as sweet as can be. He plays with Munch, shares his toys, helps me clean, goes potty without prompting, is a general angel.

Then we go pick Mo up from school. The Boy turns into Mr. Aggravation and Whine. He picks fights, shoves both girls, whines about everything, and refuses to acknowledge that the bathroom even exists. Tell him no or correct him and he flips out like a cornered badger!

Mo isn’t an exception. She can be calm, quiet, kind, giving, and as attentive as anything. Then something snaps in here and suddenly she’s a wild woman who won’t listen to anything and is ricocheting off the walls like a Super Ball on a on a pound of Pixie Sticks.

The only benefit to the multiple personalities is Munch. She can be incredibly sweet or outright hysterical. She was eating lunch today and suddenly started channeling Chewbacca’s love child from an Ewok! Still cute and cuddly but the noises she was making had me about to pee on myself. And the more I laughed, the louder and faster she Sqrowled (new term – squeaked and growled).

My only advice is to make a list of the personalities and when they arise. I know Mr. Aggravation rears his nasty little head when Tuck needs a snack. I know Wild Woman pops up when Mo is so tired she can barely stand up.

I have no idea what started baby Chewy today but you can bet that I’m going to trigger her as often as possible!

The other option is to start expressing your own personalities (you know that you have them!) and something tells me that that might just compound the problem.

Introducing The Zookeeper's Inbox

Ever wondered if other Zookeepers face the same management issues you do?

Well, it's time to find out! Use the contact info on my profile and send me your questions! I may not have the solution but I can probably paint your issue in a new light that may make it a little more tolerable. So send me those questions. And watch for yours to appear in "The Zookeeper's Inbox!" Prime example from my inbox today....You remember the Chimp with the grooming issue, right? Her Keeper is back.

"Dear Zookeeper,
Greetings again from my little crazy zoo! We've had some strange things going on at night at our zoo and I wanted to share them with you to see if it's just my zoo or if all zoos have this problem.

First, I should give you an overview of the exhibit arrangements at my zoo. My Hippo shares an exhibit with the Hyena. The Chimp has her own exhibit. I usually spend the night in the Baboon's exhibit because he tends to not use it most of the night. And when he does, he's kind of nice to cuddle with.

This is what happens at night at our zoo: The Chimp and Hyena exhibits are closed at about the same time. We have to use extra security for the Chimp exhibit as she is still getting used to having a big exhibit all to herself. The Hippo begins the night in the lobby, because the Hyena takes quite a while to recognize that the exhibit is closed and settle down. Before I retire to the Baboon exhibit, I make sure the Hippo is safely in her exhibit. The Baboon is usually out doing whatever a Baboon does at night.


At some point in the night, the Hyena leaves her exhibit and joins me in the Baboon area. When the Baboon comes back to the zoo, he crowds into the area as well. Feeling very out of place with a bunch of smelly animals, I get up and move to the lobby until morning.

Shortly before dawn, the Chimp will stir. If she is not quieted, she will wake up the whole zoo. I send the Baboon into her exhibit to keep her company.


Occasionally, the Hippo will require food before breakfast and will end up in the lobby with me.
So, by opening of the zoo, you have the Hyena in the Baboon exhibit, the Baboon sharing the Chimp's exhibit with her, the zookeeper in the lobby and somehow the Hippo asleep in the food prep area. It's a game of musical exhibits.

I never thought that being a zookeeper meant I would learn to play party games in my sleep.


Yours truly...

A.R. Zookeeper"

**********************************************************************************
Dear A.R. Zookeeper,

Nocturnal party games are a regular occurrence here at Zoo Suburbia as well.

I have found that it is in my best interest to protect the Lion's den at all cost. A. The Lion does not respond well to interruptions in his nocturnal habits and has been known to throw a hard right paw at the interrupter without regard for who or where he contacts. B. The Lion is also very grumpy if he is awakened via a depositing Rhino or a kicking Orangutan and generally expresses his displeasure at me and me alone.

As a result of my regard for the Lion's den I have found it is best to move to the exhibit in question itself. I have spent many a night on the floor beside the Rhino cage or in the Orangutan's exhibit. Marmoset prefers to sleep on me in her exhibit if she is interrupted and therefore I have taken steps to install more Keeper friendly fixtures.

In the event I am unable to protect the den, I like you have been known to return to the lobby for the evening. I wish I could tell you that eventually your Zoo will settle into a more stable nocturnal routine. Unfortunately, I have heard from more established Zoos that the settling is short lived and then they just don't return to the Zoo until the wee hours still disrupting your rest. Take consolation in the fact that you are not alone.

Your friend,

The Zookeeper