Up Down Side

Since the Orangutan and Rhino have gone back to school, I've had a lot more time to lavish on Marmoset and she is loving life!

It has it's goods and bads. Now she thinks she HAS to be with me 24/7 and has started to meltdown anytime I have to go somewhere without her. It lasts for about 45 seconds but those 45 seconds are stinkin' loud!! I mean hear it in the car at the bottom of the drive way with all doors and windows closed and the radio on loud.

On the good side of the equation is the fact that I laugh. A lot! Take today for example. For a full hour we played "Up Down Side." Very simply put she has to be upside down (so now you get it, right?) and tickled. I can prop her up against the back of the couch, stand her on her head or just hold her by her ankles. She doesn't care - as long as she is "up down side." Her laugh is infectious and as soon as you put her down to catch her breath and get the blood circulating again she is begging for more.

It's awesome to be entertained by things so simple. I guess that's one of the gifts of parenting. May all grown ups revisit the laughter and enjoyment of Up Down Side on a regular basis.

When Animals Attack!

This has been a very strange week for me animal wise. I'm not sure why but it seems that every day this week there has been an animal related incident that has made me laugh or freak me out.

Sunday I was planting on the porch and suddenly saw a little gecko pop out from under the door between our screen porch and our deck. Being the educationally encouraging mother I am, I called Orangutan and Rhino out of the yard where they were playing in the sprinkler to observe this gift of nature. We even had a deep conversation about how his tail ould fall off if they touched it. And then he ducked back under the door.

Please keep in mind that our screen porch is just off of our master bed room and the sliding glass door has been open to air the house out. Rhino pursued our little friend into the screen porch and I went back to planting. At least I went back to planting until I heard this.

"It's ok pal! My room is right there across the hall. Just run through Mommy's room to the other side."

Yeah, no! I am not up for lizards in my bed, under my bed, or rotting in Rhino's closet. No sir! Lizards stay outside, thank you very much!

Fast forward two days to a phone call from my college roommate during which she recounted the capture of 8 (or nine - we're not sure) crickets that were released in her car. Did I mention that she didn't find out about the crickets until it was dark and she was driving said car? Yeah.

And then we called Grand Keeper and Silverback. Chat, chat, chat. Grand Keeper erupts in unexplained laughter. "Mom? What's going on?"

"I'm not sure but your father is dancing." This peaks Orangutan's curiosity because she knows Silverback is an "awesome" dancer. "Why is he dancing, Grammy?"

More laughter followed by lots of stomping. "There's a bee in Poppie's pants!!"

My mother had put laundry out on the clothesline last weekend and a bee got trapped in my father's pants and stayed there all week. Well, until he put them on last night anyway. The bee is no more. That was funny enough to make Orangutan laugh until she fell off my lap but the real kicker came next.

"It's not funny girl!" Silverback was chuckling himself. "If you think that's funny wait until I tell you about the mouse that ran up my leg and into my boot!"

And you were all wondering why I call this The Zoo!

The New Innies and Outies

Well, there is a very good chance that we have FINALLY gotten over the hump with Rhino's potty training. It has been a long and tearfilled journey but he has finally taken mercy on me and decided that the potty is not the black hole of death.

In celebration of this fact we are now moving on to encouraging very "boy" behaviors such as standing and aiming. For the sake of my bathroom floor, we started this project outside. Yes, I have been encouraging my son to pee on trees in the back yard. And before you all freak out and call me looney because after all suburbia isn't country, we have a very high privacy fence and lots of trees and bushes. No one is "peeping" on my son. And he is keenly aware that this is only BACK yard behavior.

Last night we moved training inside. Unfortunately the timing could have been better. Orangutan was jumping in for her shower when suddenly a completely naked (fresh out of the tub) Rhino came sprinting into the bathroom screaming, "Gotta pee! Gotta pee!" Nothing like an entrance. He was all too excited to show his sister his new "trick."

I knew a conversation was about to happen but with Orangutan you never really know which way it's going to go.

"Hey Mom! Do ALL boys have those sticky outie things?"

(oh crap!) "Yes honey they do." (Dear Lord let it end now. Please! I beg you! Let it end now!)

"But girls have innie things."

"That's right." (Ok, this could still be saved as long as she doesn't ask why. And even then I can go with the God's plan line.)

"Well, that's just too bad for boys then." Said as if the conversation was done. On that note? Now I have questions!

"Why do you say it's too bad?"

"Well, if boys aren't paying attention then they'll miss the potty and make a mess. Then the Mommys will get mad and probably spank them for being messy."

"Is that what you would do if you were a mommy for a boy?"

"Oh Mom! I'm only having little girls. Boys are just a mess."

If only you knew O. If only you knew! And on top of that she still has no interest in boys which delights my little soul that much more. I thought we were having issues because there is a little boy in her class who adores the very air she breathes.

I did however forget to remind her that that was a Mommy-Orangutan conversation before she left for school today so I could be in for an interesting e-mail from Mrs. F if things go poorly.

Try not to think too much about this the next time you shower. Are you an innie or an outie?

Tuesday Tribute: Lessons of Childhood

I know you are used to my Tributes being a little lighter in nature but this week I have a genuine Tribute to pass out. Here's to my children and their lessons.

This whole blog is really dedicated to all the little lessons I learn from them and silly things they do. But here is a lesson we can all take from my children. Take joy.

Friday afternoon I was folding laundry and watching my little Marmoset play with the dog. She had a ribbon off of the front door wreath and she was trying her hardest to catch the dog so that she could "tangle" him and take him for a walk. She tried to tie the ribbon on his tail, his back foot, his ear and his nose. She was nothing if not persistent. Anyone else would have gotten frustrated and given up.

"So why is the lesson 'Take Joy' instead of 'Be persistent' Sarah?"

Because everytime she failed she would fall on the floor giggling hysterically. And not just giggling. That bubbly giggle laughter that made me giggle and laugh until tears came to my eyes. She was truly joyful to be chasing the dog. It didn't matter that she never won. She was happy with just her ribbon and her dog.

I folded the laundry and pondered what I had just seen. I try very hard to turn things back to my own life as I watch my children play them out so the question that confronted me was this. Am I content to take joy in what I have?

In the current state of affairs in our nation there is plenty to be down and out about. There is plenty of finger pointing and blaming and lamenting for everyone. But is there enough joy? Is anyone actually looking at what they have and saying, "Well, ok"?

I have three incredible children and a loving hubby. I have a roof over my head and food in my pantry. I have sunshine and bubbles. I can take joy. I can allow myself to be happy. I don't need for anything. So "ok."

And here's to my Marmoset and the gift of her joy.

You Might Not Want to Call 911.

We got love you packages from our favorite Z.I.T. today and the fun has been boundless. Well, it was fun once I convinced Orangutan and Marmoset that they could wait until after bath to put on their new pajamas. That part wasn't so fun.

Now the empty boxes have been converted into cars and more specifically police cars complete with steering wheels and walkie talkies.

Orangutan took hers off for a minute so she could decorate it and the Security Dog tried to bite it. She used her best gruff officer voice and told him, "Do NOT eat the police car! If you eat a police car you will get a ticket and get thrown in jail and you will have to eat mashed potatoes for the rest of your life for breakfast and lunch and dinner and even for your snacks."

I asked her if that is what people in jail have to eat. "Well something like that anyway!"

Officer Rhino has been busy chasing down bad guys in his unmarked car (he didn't want to decorate his) and has so far found three stores that were being "battacked (that's not a typo) by ugly bad guys." Because apparently all bad guys are ugly.

Officer O drew a "12" on the back of her car. I asked her if it was her car number and she said, "Yes. And I'm car #12 because I have arrested 12 bad guys so far. " The Grand Keeper was on the phone at the time and asked what they had done to be arrested.

"Some were robbing purses, and some were sticking up people, and some were robbing the bank. Well, a lot were robbing the bank but I got them all!"

Look at me. Raising such upstanding citizens. Who apparently would rather live in Idaho.

Mom Tip #60: Embrace a Child's Notion of Diversity.

I'm sure you all saw the Presidential news conference Monday night - well, you did if you turned on any one of the major networks or news stations. We happened to turn it on just as it started and Marmoset had taken a seat next to me to mooch part of my dinner.

A little piece of critical backstory - her best friend is a 3 year old African American boy. His mom is one of my closest friends and she's already heard the story so I know she wasn't offended but very highly amused. His two older siblings are also close friends to my children and have spent many an afternoon here deconstructing the playroom. And of course Marmoset attends a very diverse Sunday School class as well.

As soon as she saw the President on TV she looked up at me and said, "K?"
No baby. That's not K. That's Mr. President.
"Mr. Pezzz-dint?"
Right! (that's a big word for a two year old!)
"Pezz-dink K?"
No baby. K isn't the President.
"Pezz-dint head. K head."
Well, yes. The President and K both have heads.
"Pezz-dint nose. K nose."
That's right too.
"Pezz-dint ears. K ears."
Yup.
"Pezz-dint no hab peet (feet). K peet."

You have to love a toddler's concept of object permanance. If you can't see it, it isn't there. So Mr Pezz-dint didn't have feet since she couldn't see them. And since she knows that K has feet that must be what makes him NOT be the pezz-dint.

Wouldn't it be great if we could only tell each other apart by differences like our shirts rather than the differences over our skin?

Mom Tip Mini on Listening

If you listen carefully you can hear some of the funniest things never put on stage.

From the Rhino: Did you see that Mom? I just fell off my legs.

I almost went in search of the missing parts until I realized that he meant to say "I just fell on my knees."

From the Orangutan: But I can't brush my teeth because then my orange juice will go to waste because you know Mom that I can't drink my orange juice after I brush my teeth because it will taste all funny and then you'll have to throw it out and Daddy hates it when we have to throw our juice out because we haven't finished it.

And I promise you not only did she never take a breath but that is verbatim what came out of her mouth. I can no longer say that she doesn't listen.

From the Marmoset: Ah neena noonle for Maxie licka me. Which means (because not everyone speaks Marmoset) "I need a noodle so I can put it in my mouth with a little piece hanging out so Max can eat it like a treat."

And yes, that does happen at my house. Not only do I serve naked noodles for dinner from time to time but the dog does get table scraps. And yes, the children have been known to put treats just between their lips and let the dog take them from their mouths. What can I say? He lives a great life. I have often told him that in my next life I'm coming back as him.

From the Lion: (and I have held this as long as I can) I am hyperactivating the fridgidity.

That was in response to my question of why there was a sealed glass jar of $6 apple juice in my freezer just waiting to explode.

And finally From the Zookeeper: If you are not naked in the next 2 seconds I am going to whoop that fanny all the way to Wisconsin!

A - I can't believe I even had to ask twice for someone to get naked! And B - The response I got was not a naked child. It was "where's Wisconsin?!"

Did I mention that in my next life I'm coming back as a dog?

Take a Ride in the Livestock Trailer!

We went to pick Orangutan up from O.A.T. today and it was business as usual until we were on our way home.

O: Hey Mom! Do you know what we did at school today? We were working on feeling and hearing!
ZK (that's Me!): So you are talking about your senses this week huh?
O: Yup! I was in Ms. S's group and we were working on hearing. So we listened to pennies and paperclips and blocks and all kinds of stuff.
ZK: Wow! That sounds like it was a lot of fun! So did you drop them or bang them together or what?
O: No they were in boxes and we shook them and had to figure them out by their sounds.
ZK: That's really neat Mo!
O: Do you know which one didn't make any noise?
ZK: No which one? (Please note that I am thinking maybe the teachers put cotton balls in one!)
O: The gummi worm one! But it wasn't one of our gummi worms like we eat. It was one like we went fishing with. But it wasn't making any noise because I think he was asleep. Or dead. He could have been dead.
R: (piping up from the back seat!) Mo! We don't squish worms or poop!
M: Oh no! Not dain! (that's "not again" to all non Marmoset speakers.)

Mom Tip #54

Motherhood is gross!

I know I posted a vlog along this line during Motherhood Means (which you may have guessed by now was nixed due to lack of interest). In case you missed it and need a lesson in how NOT to empty a training potty, here you go!

But the point was driven home to me today. I was cleaning the bathroom and had already had to pull one child (Marmoset) and a dog out of the toilet! So you can guess that I was less than thrilled when I turned around to see Marmoset brushing her teeth with the Lion's toothbrush and B-Dog's teeth with MY toothbrush! I am having a hard time expressing just how nauseated I was when I saw this. I of course have disposed of the toothbrush but the heebie jeebies are still stalking me.

I went about my business cleaning the bathroom only to realize that the job "Mom" is, by its very nature, gross. Let me tell you all the gross things I have done in the past week that fall under my job title.

*Cleaning out the fridge. We all know what that is like so I will refrain from going into detail.
*Cleaning the toilets - potty chair included. All I can say for commentary on that is - Men! Of all ages!
*Changing butts. ::sigh::
*Washing the dog. I wash him because he smells. Somehow I always forget that I end up smelling like him every time I wash him.
*Sippy cup hunting. That funky smell in the bedroom is not coming from the laundry basket or the diaper pail.
*Sippy cup washing. Once you find them you have to so something with them.
*Playroom cleaning. Have I ever told you that Cheeze-Its will be the food of the cockroaches after the nuclear holocaust?

If anyone ever asks you why mothers shower at night rather than in the morning, I will give you the easy answer. To wash the crud off! We do not shower in the morning "to wake up" because we are already awake - probably before the rest of the house. We do not shower while everyone else is napping. That's when we get all of our gross stuff done without interruption. We wash up to our elbows before cooking dinner because we know that we are going to get the rest of our bath while we do baths in a little while.

The old hymn says "And they'll know we are Christians by our love." The mom version says, "And they'll know we are mothers by our stench."

The Blog Party!

Listen. I know I have already posted about the MomDot Christmas Blog Party but I have to tell you that if you aren't part of this - as blogger or spectator - you will miss out big time!

We got the list of topics early this week and there is soooo much blog fodder in this that I have already started working on my posts. People, I don't laugh at my own stuff often but even I think I am coming up with some real gems! And if that wasn't reason enough guess who gets to write a feature for the MomDot home page?

You may bow and peel grapes now. That's right Zoo Butts! I will be writing a feature and if the rough draft is any indication it could be a doozie!

Here. I'll give you a peek at the topic list.

*Traditions, what are some of your favorite family traditions? What are some traditions you want to begin?
*What is your favorite Holiday recipe, describe your Holiday table, biggest holiday cooking disaster (I'm tuning in for the disaster part myself!)
*Favorite holiday memory from YOUR childhood (RD, you better tune in for this one)
*Who’s on your naughty list? Who's on your nice list? Why? (Guess whose feature this is!!)
*Most unusual gift you have received? Best gift? Do you re-gift?
*If you could only eat ONE food on Thanksgiving Day, what would it be? Do you have a homecooked meal for Thanksgiving or do you go out to eat? Does your family dress up?

And that's only half of them! Now tell me that you don't want to get in on this. Think of the stress reliever this is going to be as you face the holiday stuff. I will be adding a Mr. Linky to each post so that folks can drop their posts off for you to visit.

And did I mention that participants can earn entries into a really awesome giveaway pull? So come on! Warm up those fingers and get ready to really have some fun this holiday season!

Mom Tip #42

Naps are wonderful but time them with care!

Here at Zoo Suburbia things tend to hit critical mass from time to time. Our options when this happens are to either tolerate the incomprehensible screaming and wailing and gnash our own teeth or put some people in crash mode (full blown nap).

Yesterday we picked Mo up from school, ran by the grocery store and headed for home. I thought all was well until The Boy hit the door between the garage and the house. I don’t know what happened or who started it but it was ugly. There was serious screaming from Tuck and Munch and to this moment I have no idea what it was all about. Off to bed. Now here’s the problem. Critical mass didn’t hit until 4. With Munch that’s no big deal; she can take a nap at 4 and still go down for bed at the normal time. She plays pretty hard.

Tuck? Not so much! He went down for his nap and try as I might there was no waking him before 5. The rest of the evening was delightful with minimal fighting but then it was time to go to bed. Talking, talking, books, more talking. There was no end in sight. At 9:30 he came to tell me that Mo hit him. Could that be because she wanted to sleep and you were in her face? “Well, yeah.” Come help me pack lunches.

He talked me through packing lunches. Let’s go brush teeth and get Mom ready for bed. He talked me through that including a discussion on why Mommy has to take her “no baby medicine.” “Yeah we don’t want another Meghan!” Let’s go make the coffee. He talked me through that. Do you need to go potty? This is where I learned that when “the peeps” don’t want to come out it means they aren’t home. They went to the grocery store. I was exhausted so I asked. What do peeps buy at the grocery store? “Food, you silly goose!” What do peeps eat? (I was REALLY tired) “More peeps!” Please son! Can we go to bed?

So I let him snuggle with me in my bed but no snuggles were to be had until we sang The Little Old Lady who Swallowed a Fly. Then I tried to “pretend” I was asleep to encourage him to do the same. Next thing I knew there were toes up my nose. “Smell my feet Mom!” I don’t know what time he finally fell asleep. He was still talking about feet and peeps and coffee when I lost it for the night.

I do know that the peeps got back from the grocery store somewhere around 2:30 this morning. It happened on Daddy’s side of the bed which I heard about pretty promptly but since it wasn’t my side I made a mental note to just sleep really still.

Go ahead. Get those naps in – just make sure you time them early enough in the day. Or take a nap with them!

Mom Tip #18 - Just Laugh.

Sometimes the only answer is to laugh.

When the wheels start to come off, and they will more often than you would like, sometimes the only thing to do is stop and laugh. There will be other options but they just won’t be as effective as laughing. Allow me to illustrate.

Since becoming an at home mom, my time has settled into a nice routine of rescue the kitchen, set the leprechauns up with breakfast, pour a cup of coffee and zip to the computer for some morning e-mail and social networking.

I was in the middle of an e-mail to a friend when Mo walked up beside the desk and started the following conversation.

“Uh, Mom? Tucker just made a big mess but it’s okay; Max (our Jack Russell Terrier) cleaned it up.”

Uh huh. What kind of mess? Please note that not only have I not taken my eyes from the screen but my fingers are still flying furiously at this point.

“Well it wasn’t pee and it wasn’t poop. But don’t worry! Max already cleaned it up.”

Wait! What?!?!

She indulged me and repeated the above and finished with, “I know it came from his butt and let me tell you Mom. It sure did STINK! And it was ah-sckusting!”

I wasn’t 3 steps up the stairs when I discovered (with my nose unfortunately) what the “mess” was but since the dog had already “cleaned” it up the where was still questionable. First things first, get to the boy. So we were off to the bathroom where I removed the offending (and were they ever offensive!) clothing and swished them in the potty. As if my gag reflex wasn’t already in overdrive my delightful son decided to provide the following commentary.

“See, Mom! There’s my carrots and my grapes and …Hey! Why did you slam the potty? I was yooking at dat!” Take a moment and picture a Peter Pan pose naked from the waist down – it really adds something!

Now there were several options I could have taken with my reaction. #1 I could have vomited on the spot! #2 I could have lost my temper and yelled and hollered about getting to the potty in time and ended up cleaning the whole mess up anyway. And #3 I could have laughed, cleaned and called it a day.

Just so you know I went with #3. So laugh. And invest in a good dog