Dear L.M. Lion, Please remember that I love you.

As I hog tie you, gag you, and throw you in the truck of your own car for the next 12 hours.

I understand that you aren't feeling your best. I'm sorry that Orangutan and I shared our flu bug with you. I'm sorry the people who line up the daytime programming didn't take you into consideration when they were setting up today's line up. I know that they would have put on more shows that interest you if only they had known you were going to be home all. day. long.

Again, please remember that I love you dearly. But let's do a little review shall we? If I am in the kitchen taking dishes out of the dishwasher, chances are I'm cleaning out the dishwasher. The question, "Whatcha doin'?" might be a little uncecessary. Walking out to the livingroom, turning around and coming right back does not create the necessity to ask the question again when you get back oh say three seconds later.

Please don't ask me what you can do if you have no intention of giving my suggestion any thought. Folding laundry is not that strenuous and will keep you in close proximity to both the bathroom and the bed in the event you start to feel woozy or sick again.

I love you and I'm glad that you are feeling a little better than you were this morning. I hope you continue to recover quickly.

I'd hate to have to hurt you.

All my love and nursing,

The Zookeeper.

Dear Zoo, The Flu is NOT a Spectator Sport.

I understand that Mom never REALLY gets sick. I know that it is a law of nature that no matter how sick we think we are we really must press on. It would be a lot easier to press on if you would all follow the guidelines outlined below. This is simply for future reference.

#1. When the Zookeeper is occupied with vacating the contents of her stomach is it unnecessary to stand over her and talk to her or mimic her sound effects. This is for you Marmoset. It is not helpful to ask the Zookeeper a million questions about "waddya doin" or copy the sounds I am making. It really just makes me feel a little worse.

#2. Screeches are completely unnecessary when the Zookeeper's head is on the verge of explosion. They really just make the fissures in her skull open a little more. The intensification of the skull pounding only amplifies the nausea and therefore leads to more sound effects which we have all established we are not in favor of.

And #3. While I appreciate that my life status was in question for the better part of the day yesterday, the giggling while you poked me with a stick was really uncalled for. The poking was not completely necessary but at one point I appreciated it because it let me know I was still alive. The giggling was a little too much though.

These are just a few thoughts should your Zookeeper ever fall victim again. Thank you for your attention to this matter. I look forward to being back on my feet in the next 24 to 48 hours and back in your service.

Sincerely,

The Zookeeper.

Mom Tip #22: You will NEVER be sick again.

I just saw a tweet from blogging buddy Tanya from Mommy Goggles which led me to a post on her page. Mommies aren't supposed to get sick! Now I knew I had written a Mom Tip about this but I wasn't sure if I had ever actually published it and after much searching I realized that you were all missing out. So here it is!

Mom Tip #22: You will never be sick again!

Isn’t that wonderful news?! Oh, I promise. You will still catch bugs and you will still FEEL like you’re sick. But you will never REALLY be sick ever again.

Allow me to illustrate. I have had a ridiculous, out of control, kill me now sinus infection for two weeks now. My eyes are being held in by my contacts; Kleenex and Tylenol have offered me stock options; and fish can hear more clearly than I can right now. But I’m not sick!

We were coming home from the grocery store a few nights ago and Molly asked me why I was so sad (she could see my reflection in the review mirror). I told her that I wasn’t sad; I was just sick and feeling really crummy.

"Well, when we’re sick you make us go to bed Mom so maybe you should take a nap!"

My mood improved immediately! Sure Mo! As soon as we get home.

Then the other shoe dropped. "I mean AFTER you make dinner and we get our baths and you make our popcorn and start our movie. THEN you can take a nap!"

And that’s how it works for Mom. Daddy can get sick and we wait on him hand and foot and nurse him back to health. The kids get sick and we stop sleeping for weeks at a time until they are breathing normally and sleeping through the night again.

We get "sick" and we continue to pack lunches with a dishtowel over our nose and mouth to keep from contaminating anything. We change sheets and fold laundry with one hand while we blow with the other. We get sick in the toilet and then take a moment to clean the bathroom while we brush our teeth.

Isn’t it amazing what pregnancy did for your immune system?! Hello OB – Goodbye, general practitioner!

Am I completely nuts?!

Neighbor is out of town this weekend. Neighbor has a 80 lb chocolate lab. Bentley didn't go out of town with Daddy. I've taken him into the Zoo. Did I mention that I am on cough syrup with codeine? Did I mention that Daddy has to go in to work early tomorrow and will be there late tomorrow night?

So the Zoo now has 1 Large Male Lion, 1 Orangutan, 1 S.M. Rhino, 1 P. Marmoset, 1 small security dog (Jack Russell terrier) and 1 large security dog (chocolate lab). Marmoset thinks Large Security Guard should double as a horse. S.M. Rhino thinks he makes a great pillow. Small Security Dog is incredibly jealous and has been sulking all night.

What have I done?

Another Mom Tip Mini

Kids make the best doctors!

Since Mo started school she has been bringing home her share of buggies. Thankfully the only person affected by these little gifts has been Mom. And this time she brought me a doozie!

I have the beginnings of bronchitis. Bad enough actually that Daddy-O found it necessary not only to take his day off but to also cancel his round of golf and call the doctor for me. Then he managed to wrangle 2 hours of full peace and quiet for me before Mo came home from school.

He went to pick Mo up from school and left me with The Boy and Munch. Munch found a thermometer from somewhere and decided to take my temp. In my ear. And Tuck knows that Max (our Jack Russel) always follows any sick family member all over the house. So if one dog is good, adding the 19 stuffed dogs in our house to my armchair would definitely have me on the path to recovery in no time!

With every coughing fit, Meghan tousled my hair and Tuck came by to check my breathing (ear to my chest). When they were convinced I was still breathing and ok they would resume playing until the next fit.

I don't really feel any better now than I did when I woke up this morning. But it sure did make me smile to have Dr. Tuck and Dr. Munch taking care of me.