How to Tell You're a Grown Up by The Orangutan

It was feeding time at the Zoo Thursday night and the small exhibits were gathered around their corn dogs chomping away with glee. Lion and I were discussing whether we should have egg noodles or rice under our beef tips. It was a pleasant little Cleaver scene when Rhino decided he was done.

He got up from the table, pooched his belly out as big as he could get it and said, "See Mom! I'm all full."

Before I could say a word Orangutan jumped in. "Rhino, if your belly is getting that big it must mean you are getting to be a grown up because grown ups have big bellies. Well, Daddy grown ups do but Mommy grown ups don't. The have straight down flat bellies."

Lion and I just looked at each other and started to laugh but I composed myself and I asked the inevitable question, "Orangutan, why? Why are grown up Daddy bellies big and Mommy bellies flat?"

"That's easy Mom! Because Daddys eat a lot and lot of food and just sit and Mommys don't eat very much at all."

They don't? Why don't mommys eat?

"Because they are too busy working and feeding everybody and taking care of everybody and being bossed around. They don't get to eat breakfast or lunch and they only get to eat dinner if the kids are done eating and will leave them alone."

She's going to be a great mom. With a flat belly.

Must be a Daddy Tang!

Mom Tip #22: You will NEVER be sick again.

I just saw a tweet from blogging buddy Tanya from Mommy Goggles which led me to a post on her page. Mommies aren't supposed to get sick! Now I knew I had written a Mom Tip about this but I wasn't sure if I had ever actually published it and after much searching I realized that you were all missing out. So here it is!

Mom Tip #22: You will never be sick again!

Isn’t that wonderful news?! Oh, I promise. You will still catch bugs and you will still FEEL like you’re sick. But you will never REALLY be sick ever again.

Allow me to illustrate. I have had a ridiculous, out of control, kill me now sinus infection for two weeks now. My eyes are being held in by my contacts; Kleenex and Tylenol have offered me stock options; and fish can hear more clearly than I can right now. But I’m not sick!

We were coming home from the grocery store a few nights ago and Molly asked me why I was so sad (she could see my reflection in the review mirror). I told her that I wasn’t sad; I was just sick and feeling really crummy.

"Well, when we’re sick you make us go to bed Mom so maybe you should take a nap!"

My mood improved immediately! Sure Mo! As soon as we get home.

Then the other shoe dropped. "I mean AFTER you make dinner and we get our baths and you make our popcorn and start our movie. THEN you can take a nap!"

And that’s how it works for Mom. Daddy can get sick and we wait on him hand and foot and nurse him back to health. The kids get sick and we stop sleeping for weeks at a time until they are breathing normally and sleeping through the night again.

We get "sick" and we continue to pack lunches with a dishtowel over our nose and mouth to keep from contaminating anything. We change sheets and fold laundry with one hand while we blow with the other. We get sick in the toilet and then take a moment to clean the bathroom while we brush our teeth.

Isn’t it amazing what pregnancy did for your immune system?! Hello OB – Goodbye, general practitioner!