Mom Tip #32

Pregnancy brain is just training for Mom brain.

Remember pregnancy brain? Of course you don’t! You’ve already moved to Mom brain.

You would be sitting on the couch staring at your belly and suddenly you would think of something you needed to do. Let’s say, plug in your cell phone and the charger is in the kitchen. As you walk to the kitchen a cute baby commercial suddenly comes on TV and since you are pregnant you automatically stop and watch. 60 seconds later you walk into the kitchen (with cell phone in hand, mind you!) and you have no idea why you were there. Oh well. As long as you are in the kitchen you grab 2 slices of pepper jack cheese, a glass of chocolate milk (the baby need the calcium!), the bag of pretzels from the top of the fridge and the caramel apple dip. On your way back to the couch, you wonder what it was that you were getting up to do. Oh well. You’ll take care of it when you remember. It couldn't have been too important.

Then there’s Mom brain. You sat down after dinner for a quick sitcom before you tackle the task of cleaning up the kitchen and packing tomorrow’s lunches. As your sitcom wraps up you get up to head to the kitchen. On the way there the nudist shows up looking for a bedtime snack and drink. The older child starts making fun of the nudist for being well, naked. A naked fight isn’t what you are looking for right now so you make a deal. If the nudist will go get jammies back on, you will get everyone a snack. Now that you have restored peace you take a deep breath and….WHAT IS THAT SMELL?!?!

The smallest member of your tribe looks up at you with a huge grin and big shiny eyes. “Mum, Mum! Ahh tink tink!” No kidding!! Off to the nursery you go for the sake of anyone who still has a nasal lining. Of course the diaper pail is full so you tuck the wee one into bed and head for the garbage can in the garage. Then it’s back to the kitchen. You know you’re supposed to be doing something in here but can’t for the life of you remember what. So you grab a chocolate bar – if you knew how to hook up a chocolate IV you would – a glass of sweet tea and you head back to the couch. This time though you don’t wonder what you were getting up to do.

You’re too tired to care.

A Note from the Zoo - The EHAS

Dear Zookeeper,

First, we would like to take this opportunity to thank you for the delightful gift of the chocolate chip cookies this week. We would, however, like to address your rationing practices before the next gift is delivered. But that is for another day.

We would like to express our concern about your failing hunger anticipation skills. It has come to our attention that we have been forced to implement our emergency hunger alert system with entirely too much regularity as of late. It is not our wish to intensify the alert system but if necessary, we will.

The large male lion will still continue to demand in his loudest roar but is capable of activating his grumpy refrigerator pawing. As we know from previous experiences, that only leads to higher food costs and very loud rants about the cleanliness of the refrigerator in question.

The female orangutan has informed us that she is capable of boosting her already very high level of wild insanity during periods of low blood sugar. She will also be forced to reactivate the loud, whiny, repetitive, "Is dinner ready yet?" if conditions do not improve.

The small male rhino has been content up to this point with the effectiveness of his fit throwing but feels that he may have a decibel or two that he can add to his demands for immediate gratification. He is also prepared to step up his sister aggravation skills if you need some added incentive to hone your anticipation levels.

At this point we would like to warn you that the pygmy marmoset has been working out. Her ankle cling move is showing great improvement and it now takes a full five minutes for complete extraction. We have found that extraction time can be greatly reduced by the presentation of fruit if it is in a prepared state. She too has been disappointed in your reaction time as of late and has told us that she is willing to add a high pitched scream to her repertoire if it should come to that.

Please know that we don't implement these techniques for our own pleasure. We only want to make you the best Zookeeper in Suburbia. It's for your own good and someday you will thank us for this.

Thank you for your prompt attention to this matter. We have every confidence that conditions will greatly improve.

Sincerely,
The Zoo