Friday, July 25, 2008

A Note from the Zoo - The EHAS

Dear Zookeeper,

First, we would like to take this opportunity to thank you for the delightful gift of the chocolate chip cookies this week. We would, however, like to address your rationing practices before the next gift is delivered. But that is for another day.

We would like to express our concern about your failing hunger anticipation skills. It has come to our attention that we have been forced to implement our emergency hunger alert system with entirely too much regularity as of late. It is not our wish to intensify the alert system but if necessary, we will.

The large male lion will still continue to demand in his loudest roar but is capable of activating his grumpy refrigerator pawing. As we know from previous experiences, that only leads to higher food costs and very loud rants about the cleanliness of the refrigerator in question.

The female orangutan has informed us that she is capable of boosting her already very high level of wild insanity during periods of low blood sugar. She will also be forced to reactivate the loud, whiny, repetitive, "Is dinner ready yet?" if conditions do not improve.

The small male rhino has been content up to this point with the effectiveness of his fit throwing but feels that he may have a decibel or two that he can add to his demands for immediate gratification. He is also prepared to step up his sister aggravation skills if you need some added incentive to hone your anticipation levels.

At this point we would like to warn you that the pygmy marmoset has been working out. Her ankle cling move is showing great improvement and it now takes a full five minutes for complete extraction. We have found that extraction time can be greatly reduced by the presentation of fruit if it is in a prepared state. She too has been disappointed in your reaction time as of late and has told us that she is willing to add a high pitched scream to her repertoire if it should come to that.

Please know that we don't implement these techniques for our own pleasure. We only want to make you the best Zookeeper in Suburbia. It's for your own good and someday you will thank us for this.

Thank you for your prompt attention to this matter. We have every confidence that conditions will greatly improve.

The Zoo


PeanutMM said...

So it WAS the marmoset after all! I will have to pass the word along! :-)

Jennifer said...

Pygmy marmoset! I'm dying over here!