Monday, September 29, 2008

A Moment Away from the Zoo

Please pardon me while I diverge from the normal Zoo nonsense. I have found myself thinking deeper than usual Zoo related thoughts today and really wanted to share. We will return to the normal level of insanity sooner than I would like, I am sure.

If you have not been by The Bowl today, take a moment and pop over. And that is not the traffic directing ploy it looks like - it really is relevant. Earlier today I let a vent go about our gas situation and then an apologetic letter to Karma for my outburst. Now I have had vacuuming and two loads of laundry to ponder the gas situation more and have a whole new perspective.

Every time we have gotten in the van for the past two days I have muttered under my breath, "God give me enough to get there and back." Maybe not your most faithful prayer and certainly not something I expected anyone to pay attention to. But then we got the call from the Lion today and went to the station that had gas. As we pulled up, Tuck piped up from the back seat, "Hey Mom! God heard you! He gave us gas!!" Eye opening in and of itself wouldn't you say!

As we sat there waiting our turn I peeked in the side view mirror to see how the line was going. Several cars back there was an older body damaged car that looked like it might need an extra push to get to the pump. I looked past it quickly without really noting. Then it was our turn and I busied myself with swiping my card and hitting all the right buttons and putting the nozzle in my tank. It was my full intention to fill up and top off my tank. The Tie was not going to have another opportunity to stick it to me any time soon!

Then I saw that car again. This time though I saw the people in the car. It was a family with two car seats. The mother let a small smile pass her face every time her hubby pulled into the next place in line. The father kept looking over at her and giving her reassuring smiles which faded as soon as she looked away. The anxiety was so incredibly clear as they got one car closer. Would there be enough? Would they be the last car to get a tank?

I stopped the pump. I knew I only had about half a tank but I just could not put any more in my van. Where do I go everyday? To pick Mo up from school and bring her home. That's it - three miles round trip. Where did that father go every day in that car that was already on its last leg? What if the seven gallons I didn't put in my van gave him a chance to take one extra shift? What would that mean to his family? Would it make a difference?

I did not know those answers. I had no idea if I was going to make any difference. But I knew how I felt when The Tie took more than I thought he needed. It just wasn't in me to do that to a family that seemed to be in need. I knew I was going to have to explain to Lion why I only had half a tank. I knew he was going to say I was foolish but then he would look as his children and give me a hug and that smile that admits I was right - just not out loud.

I didn't give Tuck a lecture about taking just what you need on the way home. I didn't even mention the God statement again. As I watched him smiling and looking out the window on the way home I thanked God for giving me gas and a heart to share it.

Saturday, September 27, 2008

Mom Tip #48

Boys are completely different from girls.

Yeah I know. That is a “Well, Duh!!” moment but I have to explain myself because there are people out there who have not had the pleasure of having both genders in their family. Me, for example. I only have a sister. So I was not prepared for anything that came with raising a boy or living with a boy’s – shall we call them, quirks?

Boys could really care less about the potty. I think we have covered this in great length but it bears repeating. Munch has to “go potty” every time someone sets foot in the direction of the bathroom. Granted, she is not really doing anything when she is in there, but it counts, right? Not The Boy! He could care less. Tuck, go potty. “But I don’t wanna! (screaming, wailing gnashing of teeth)” And then he pees his pants while he is in mid-fit. What is that?

Boys have no concept of fashion and are not in any rush to get one. As long as they have pants and a shirt, all is right in the world. Shoes are optional. Colors are inconsequential. Socks only exist if you already sacrificed a few toes to the weather. He came out of his room is red shorts with blue pinstripes down the side and a lime green shirt with yellow and white surfboards which was of course backwards. His sandals were on the wrong feet and when I asked him to fix his clothes or at least change his shorts into something that might match a little I got, “But I like it like this.” There is no point in arguing.

Boys speak their own language. Tuck had a friend here the other day and they were out on the porch playing while I cleaned the kitchen. They were speaking to one another like they understood but I am at a loss for what they were saying. There were a lot of sound effects (fire engines, horns honking, back up alarms) and a language that I would be hard pressed to find a dictionary for. But they understood each other and played so nicely that I forgot where they were for a few minutes.

I will probably never win the potty fight. That will be something he just makes his mind up about one day. The fashion might have a fighting chance when girls enter the picture. But I do have a shot at the language barrier. I think they were teaching Munch a little the other day. I may actually have a translator in the works. I’ll let you know when she is preparing her dictionary.
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Friday, September 26, 2008

You May Send Chocolate & Gift Cards

Or you can just refer to me as "Queenie!" That works too. I am Queen of the Dorks! That's right folks! My senior yearbook picture took the honors over at the Inn! Many thanks to those of you who heeded my pleas and voted. This is an honor I'll treasure for quite a while!

QueenOfDorks
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Thursday, September 25, 2008

Feeding Time at the Zoo!

Well, here it is. Time to feed the exhibits and you are out of ideas. I thought maybe I would give it a good old college try and share some ideas with you on a weekly basis. We'll call it Feeding Time at the Zoo.

This week's menu:
Monday: Dump a Can Veggie Soup
Tuesday: Clear the Cabinet Shepherds Pie
Wednesday: Pass the Pasta Chicken Alfredo
Thursday: Freezer Diving Au Jus Sandwiches
Friday: Forgive me Family Baked Chicken

Here's the recipe for Dump a Can Veggie Soup (featured at The Bowl for Wordless Wednesday) but if any of the others peaked your interest let me know and I'll share those too!

Dump-a-Can Veggie Soup
1 lb + stew meat cut up into bites
1 10 oz can of diced tomatoes (lightly drained)
2 cans each corn, green beans, diced potatoes (lightly drained)
2 whole carrots chopped
¼ white onion diced
3 cloves garlic minced
2 cans beef broth
Dump in a stew pot and let it go for a few hours. Season to taste with salt and pepper.

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Wednesday, September 24, 2008

You don't want to let her down do you?

So I'm up for "Embrace your Inner Dork" (after being monkey stomped in the Dotties last week) and I really feel that I can take this one!! So here's what you need to do. Pop over to the Inn and tell Kadi that you think #'s 10, 12 and 15 are the biggest dork you've ever seen! Yup! It's me in all three. I wish I could say "You've come a long way baby!"



Mo even did a cheer for me! You wouldn't want to let the poor tyke down would you? So go!! Quickly! Voting ends tomorrow night! Fly little ones! Fly!!



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video

Wordless Wednesday!



And you thought I was the only one who went Pirate last week!


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Monday, September 22, 2008

Mom Tip #47

Your children got a mission and they chose to accept it.

To undo everything you have done with in seconds of completing it.

It started with the dishwasher. I was unloading and putting everything away. Munch was pulling all the Tupperware out of the cabinet behind me.

Then it was the living room. I put toys in the cabinet; she took all the pillows off the furniture. I put the pillows back; she took all the blankets off the fireplace. I folded and put the blankets back; she took all the toys out of the cabinet.

Moving on to the bedrooms, beds were unmade while shoes were put away. Stuffed animals were put in the laundry basket while beds we remade. Shoes went for a walk around the house while stuffed animals were sorted back out and put on their respective beds.

And speaking of the laundry basket! No need to sort while she’s around. The dirty stuff will end up in the dryer. The clean stuff will end up on the floor and the wet stuff will end up under the comforter on my bed. ::sigh:: I sorted it all out, got a load going and trudged to my room to fold. She insists on being on the bed while I am in the room. This was the perfect timing to unfold each pile, knock as much as possible on the floor, and smile and laugh the whole time.

I gave up. How can she undo vacuuming? So I started only to have the vacuum go dead in my hand. She had unplugged me. Not once but three times. I would plug it in, walk back to the vacuum, start it up and maybe get two passes in before it went dead.

Remember how I said that there were some days when you just were not going to get anything done? Today is one of those.

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Thursday, September 18, 2008

A Letter from the Zookeeper

Dear Pygmy Marmoset,



You are an amusing tenant here at Zoo Suburbia, of that there is no doubt. However, we need to address your skills as a contributing member of the Zoo.

I greatly appreciate any assistance that you can offer me in the upkeep of the Zoo. As long as it is actually "assisting."

I have no doubts that you understand that when you wear your daily attire it tends to get soiled. I know that you are aware of this as you have started removing said soiled attire as soon as you deem it unfit to wear. This creates something we call "laundry."

When laundry is soiled it goes in a receptacle known as a "laundry basket." You are familiar with said object and I have seen you use it. Bless you. Could you teach Orangutan and Rhino how it works? Moving on. I, your friendly neighborhood Zookeeper, remove the soiled laundry from the basket and put it in the laundering machine. When it has cycled through, it goes in to the drying machine.

This is the first step in which your assistance becomes detrimental to our process. Removing the lint filter from the drying machine while I am trying to load it is not good timing. Spreading the aforementioned lint all over the wet laundry is simply bad practice. Forcing the lint filter back in to the drying machine backwards will only lead down an ugly path with Large Male Lion. I sincerely advise that you refrain from any of the above going forward.

When the drying machine has completed its cycle we move to the final phase of the process. This is another area I feel that we have a communication problem. Jumping on the folding surface (aka my bed) while I have a precariously stacked pile of towels, never ends well. Unfolding all of Rhino's underwear and putting them on your feet, does not shorten the process. And finally, you WILL eventually grow into Orangutan's clothes - please refrain from unfolding them and trying to put them on.

I appreciate your attempts at assisting me. I sincerely do. Next time though, could you save the helping for putting the laundry in the appropriate exhibits?

All my love and affection,

Your Zookeeper

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Wordless Wednesday (just pretend I didn't post already ok?)

Train up a child in the way they should go....





And later they'll blog about it.

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Mom Tip #46

Suck it up and pay the price now to save on the bill later.

I am not sure how things work at your house but at my house discipline is never easy. It is ugly. It is hard. And it happens all too frequently for my tastes. I honestly thought my folks were full of it when they said “This hurts me more that it hurts you.” Balderdash! Right? Wrong!

Round two of the dental drama that is Magoo’s mouth happened this morning. And once again the two little ones had to go with me. The Boy has been a little prone to dramatic outbursts lately so I was bracing for a rough ride. It really was not very helpful that we overslept by an hour and were rushing to get out the door to only be five minutes late to the appointment. I just knew things were going to go south and fast because this was a very long appointment. Why would they have mercy and wait until the very end to lose their minds?

There could have been a million other reasons they were angels. It could have been the endless parade of people to watch and consider. It could have been the movie on in the little side theater. It could have just been that they knew Mom was a mental case already and they took pity on me.

However, I am going to take the credit for their behavior. I am going to say that it was the fear of the discipline that made them think twice when the temptation to act up kicked in. I am going to say it was the steely eyed crazy look that I had in my back pocket ready for immediate activation if things even looked like they were going to get wild.

I am going to say that it was my sacrifice on the altar of discipline that led me to a peaceful visit to the dental office. I paid my dues and as a reward I was spared from paying more in the form of extreme embarrassment and crazy looks from other mothers in the waiting area.

So the next time you have to “bust someone down to size” remember that paying the price now will please the behavior gods and they will reward you later. Or you could just try being as delusional as I am. That works too.
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Tuesday, September 16, 2008

An Idle Threat


Well, I've posted it everywhere else so it's time. Remember how I was nominated for a Dottie? Remember how I said there were a ton of other people nominated too and I didn't think I would make the final ballot? Remember how I said it was an honor just to be recognized? Well that's a load of CRAP!! I made the ballot and now I want the stinking award!


So do it already! Follow the link and go vote for me. I'll cut you all off. I mean it. Other folks are bribing people with talk of giveaways and funny self depricating videos and stuff like that. Not me! I'm not above good old gangster methods. I'll turn off the Zoo and refuse to post no matter how big you blow up the Inbox (which no one has used yet. Big Losers!) Oh yeah! I'll insult you too. I'm not above being snotty. I learned from the Orangutan so I can hang with the snottiest!


Ok. I'm just kidding about cutting you off. You guys know better than that. I can't go without my Zoo! Who am I kidding! Please? Please will you go vote? I don't have any cool connections to get giveaways yet (though I would from the publicity a Dottie would get me!) and I make a big enough fool of myself in writing without subjecting my already sorry ego to a web cast of my stupidity. I'm not above begging and guilt trips. I have no pride.


So go vote! And while you're there vote for Mrs. Schmitty for the the BlubHer Overhaul under Cheer Captain. She's an incredible motivator and is really doing her part to help women support women.

http://www.momdot.com/?p=1572





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Monday, September 15, 2008

How Much do You LOVE the New Zoo?

Wow!! I am so excited about the new Zoo!! Becky over at Creative Blog Designs did an absolutely outstanding job, don't you think? She couldn't make it any easier for anyone to get a new blog. Give her your ideas on a great little form she sends you and she tailors your site. {I think she crawled in my head while I was sleeping last night and took a picture of my idea!}

Everyone stand up and cheer! The New Zoo is here!! A million thanks to Sissy over at The Martians landing zone and a bajillion to Becky at CBD!! You guys rule!!

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Mom Tip #45

Even SuperMom has bonehead moments.

And when I say “bonehead,” I mean all out brain fart!

How many millions of times have I told the children to “keep the water IN the tub?” It could be the rinse cup. It could be the bath toys. It could be the washcloth or even their hands but they always – and I mean ALWAYS – manage to get water all over the floor. I have sat right beside the tub from start to finish on a bath and we still end up with mystery water on the floor. I don’t know how but it has happened.

And what about the shower head? We have one that you can pull down and aim and that is how the bigger kids get their baths. They think running from the rinse cup is an Olympic sport and take their training seriously. I have finally broken their training spirit with the shower head so they just stand still and let the rinse cycle happen. But if I put it down for even a minute that is an engraved invitation to start attempting to spray one another which ends in – you guessed it! – water all over the bathroom floor.

Tonight we were almost done. There hadn’t been any screaming. Well, there was that moment when Munch did her business in the tub and freaked Mo out but I digress. Everyone made it through bath without getting soap in their eyes and I was finishing the rinse cycle on Mo. Then it happened. My crowning bonehead moment.

I stood up to put the shower head back on the mount. Did I turn the water off first? Did I at least turn the shower head off first? That would be “No” on both accounts. I aimed it straight at my face and lifted it up. Soaked. From my forehead to my knees. And now there is water on the floor. Was there any water on the floor before my brain fart? I couldn’t tell you because the deluge of water that I unleashed on the bathroom wiped out any prior evidence.

The next time your jaw drops because of a lapse in judgment on your own part, just smile and tell yourself “I’m entitled.”

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Friday, September 12, 2008

Am I completely nuts?!

Neighbor is out of town this weekend. Neighbor has a 80 lb chocolate lab. Bentley didn't go out of town with Daddy. I've taken him into the Zoo. Did I mention that I am on cough syrup with codeine? Did I mention that Daddy has to go in to work early tomorrow and will be there late tomorrow night?

So the Zoo now has 1 Large Male Lion, 1 Orangutan, 1 S.M. Rhino, 1 P. Marmoset, 1 small security dog (Jack Russell terrier) and 1 large security dog (chocolate lab). Marmoset thinks Large Security Guard should double as a horse. S.M. Rhino thinks he makes a great pillow. Small Security Dog is incredibly jealous and has been sulking all night.

What have I done?

Mom Tip #13

Another trip back to the archives friends.

When planning a major project, allow enough time to do it twice - especially if your children are helping.

I think you can probably guess where I am headed with this.

See, I just built a flower bed in my backyard and planted about 40 flower bulbs in it. In the spring it should be a delightful burst of purple, white, yellow, red, pink, and blue. The flowers should bloom in sequence; crocuses, daffodils, tulips, irises, and a few other cute little frilly flowers in between. They should be in neat little rows so that one is sprouting as one fades away.

That is if the boy and the dog didn't get all the way down to them.

I'm sorry. Did I forget to mention that I had help planting my flower bed? Did I also forget to mention that in the middle of it Meghan decided to have a total meltdown forcing me to leave a shovel behind while I went inside to tend to her? Silly me! To think that something as interesting as a trowel would stay where I put it! And even sillier to think that the smell of turned over dirt was not a lure for two year old boys and their dog.

So after replanting my now indistinguishable bulbs we went to the nursery to get mulch to cover the flower bed to prevent another "re-landscaping." By the way, cypress mulch is also irresistible to young boys and dogs so make sure you have them on hand for the spreading (and re-gathering) when it is time.

Not only will you be interrupted during major projects but more than likely you will be re-doing your projects at least once before they reach finalization. Just a Mom Tip from me to you!

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Should I be as proud of this as I am?!

So the crew over at MomDot is hosting the first Dottie Awards. My good pal Sissy over at My Kids Might be Martians nominated me as......Wait for it......drum roll please........



And I am giddy!! Should I really be this proud of being the Class Clown?! Other categories include...

Homecoming Queen (yeah not so much!)
Drama Queen (you can't really be nominated for something you avoid like the plague right?)
Miss Congeniality (what is Miss Congeniality anyway?!)
Band Geek (hide the high school year book and they'll never find out!)
Teachers Pet (the teacher has to know you're there first!)
Class President (not with my a-political record)
Captain of the Debate Team (again non-confrontational does not lend itself to this category)
Captain of the Cheerleading Squad (not until my legs are in better shape)
Class Clown (That's me!!!)
Biggest Nerd (hide the college year book and I should be able to avoid this one too)
Most Likely to Succeed (at what exactly?!)

Now it's all in good fun and should I win (out of about 5000 blogs being nominated) I'll get a nifty feature along with the other winners and I'll reign for about 6 months.

But it's pretty cool that someone (other then those of you on the payroll) noticed!! Thanks Sissy!!

::I nominated you for Drama Queen but it really goes to Aiden (change that to King for Matt's sake!) if you win!!::

The Zookeeper's Inbox

There is a now designated address for your Questions for the Zookeeper. And don't worry if you can't speak "zoo;" I'll translate for you for publication if you want! Feel free to quiz the Zookeeper on other things too. It may not make the blog but I might answer your letter personally!! How 'bout them apples!!

Send your Letter's to the Zookeeper to:
ineedthezoo@yahoo.com

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Wordless Wednesday

This is a little over a year old but it's one of my faves.

Another Mom Tip Mini

Kids make the best doctors!

Since Mo started school she has been bringing home her share of buggies. Thankfully the only person affected by these little gifts has been Mom. And this time she brought me a doozie!

I have the beginnings of bronchitis. Bad enough actually that Daddy-O found it necessary not only to take his day off but to also cancel his round of golf and call the doctor for me. Then he managed to wrangle 2 hours of full peace and quiet for me before Mo came home from school.

He went to pick Mo up from school and left me with The Boy and Munch. Munch found a thermometer from somewhere and decided to take my temp. In my ear. And Tuck knows that Max (our Jack Russel) always follows any sick family member all over the house. So if one dog is good, adding the 19 stuffed dogs in our house to my armchair would definitely have me on the path to recovery in no time!

With every coughing fit, Meghan tousled my hair and Tuck came by to check my breathing (ear to my chest). When they were convinced I was still breathing and ok they would resume playing until the next fit.

I don't really feel any better now than I did when I woke up this morning. But it sure did make me smile to have Dr. Tuck and Dr. Munch taking care of me.

Monday, September 8, 2008

Mom Tip #44

You’re not imagining it; your children DO have multiple personalities.

Lord of the Manor had a moment yesterday. He looked at me and said, “What is wrong with him!? I don’t like his attitude or behavior at all today!!” Welcome to my world dear.

The Boy really does have multiple personalities. When it’s just us (Tuck, Munch and Mom) he is as sweet as can be. He plays with Munch, shares his toys, helps me clean, goes potty without prompting, is a general angel.

Then we go pick Mo up from school. The Boy turns into Mr. Aggravation and Whine. He picks fights, shoves both girls, whines about everything, and refuses to acknowledge that the bathroom even exists. Tell him no or correct him and he flips out like a cornered badger!

Mo isn’t an exception. She can be calm, quiet, kind, giving, and as attentive as anything. Then something snaps in here and suddenly she’s a wild woman who won’t listen to anything and is ricocheting off the walls like a Super Ball on a on a pound of Pixie Sticks.

The only benefit to the multiple personalities is Munch. She can be incredibly sweet or outright hysterical. She was eating lunch today and suddenly started channeling Chewbacca’s love child from an Ewok! Still cute and cuddly but the noises she was making had me about to pee on myself. And the more I laughed, the louder and faster she Sqrowled (new term – squeaked and growled).

My only advice is to make a list of the personalities and when they arise. I know Mr. Aggravation rears his nasty little head when Tuck needs a snack. I know Wild Woman pops up when Mo is so tired she can barely stand up.

I have no idea what started baby Chewy today but you can bet that I’m going to trigger her as often as possible!

The other option is to start expressing your own personalities (you know that you have them!) and something tells me that that might just compound the problem.

Friday, September 5, 2008

Introducing The Zookeeper's Inbox

Ever wondered if other Zookeepers face the same management issues you do?

Well, it's time to find out! Use the contact info on my profile and send me your questions! I may not have the solution but I can probably paint your issue in a new light that may make it a little more tolerable. So send me those questions. And watch for yours to appear in "The Zookeeper's Inbox!" Prime example from my inbox today....You remember the Chimp with the grooming issue, right? Her Keeper is back.

"Dear Zookeeper,
Greetings again from my little crazy zoo! We've had some strange things going on at night at our zoo and I wanted to share them with you to see if it's just my zoo or if all zoos have this problem.

First, I should give you an overview of the exhibit arrangements at my zoo. My Hippo shares an exhibit with the Hyena. The Chimp has her own exhibit. I usually spend the night in the Baboon's exhibit because he tends to not use it most of the night. And when he does, he's kind of nice to cuddle with.

This is what happens at night at our zoo: The Chimp and Hyena exhibits are closed at about the same time. We have to use extra security for the Chimp exhibit as she is still getting used to having a big exhibit all to herself. The Hippo begins the night in the lobby, because the Hyena takes quite a while to recognize that the exhibit is closed and settle down. Before I retire to the Baboon exhibit, I make sure the Hippo is safely in her exhibit. The Baboon is usually out doing whatever a Baboon does at night.


At some point in the night, the Hyena leaves her exhibit and joins me in the Baboon area. When the Baboon comes back to the zoo, he crowds into the area as well. Feeling very out of place with a bunch of smelly animals, I get up and move to the lobby until morning.

Shortly before dawn, the Chimp will stir. If she is not quieted, she will wake up the whole zoo. I send the Baboon into her exhibit to keep her company.


Occasionally, the Hippo will require food before breakfast and will end up in the lobby with me.
So, by opening of the zoo, you have the Hyena in the Baboon exhibit, the Baboon sharing the Chimp's exhibit with her, the zookeeper in the lobby and somehow the Hippo asleep in the food prep area. It's a game of musical exhibits.

I never thought that being a zookeeper meant I would learn to play party games in my sleep.


Yours truly...

A.R. Zookeeper"

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Dear A.R. Zookeeper,

Nocturnal party games are a regular occurrence here at Zoo Suburbia as well.

I have found that it is in my best interest to protect the Lion's den at all cost. A. The Lion does not respond well to interruptions in his nocturnal habits and has been known to throw a hard right paw at the interrupter without regard for who or where he contacts. B. The Lion is also very grumpy if he is awakened via a depositing Rhino or a kicking Orangutan and generally expresses his displeasure at me and me alone.

As a result of my regard for the Lion's den I have found it is best to move to the exhibit in question itself. I have spent many a night on the floor beside the Rhino cage or in the Orangutan's exhibit. Marmoset prefers to sleep on me in her exhibit if she is interrupted and therefore I have taken steps to install more Keeper friendly fixtures.

In the event I am unable to protect the den, I like you have been known to return to the lobby for the evening. I wish I could tell you that eventually your Zoo will settle into a more stable nocturnal routine. Unfortunately, I have heard from more established Zoos that the settling is short lived and then they just don't return to the Zoo until the wee hours still disrupting your rest. Take consolation in the fact that you are not alone.

Your friend,

The Zookeeper

Mom Tip #43

When your children start school, start setting multiple alarms.

And by multiple alarms I mean a dozen at least and all different and if you can get a firetruck to drive by your house on really important days, go for it!

Three guesses what happened at our house this morning. I woke up 15 minutes before we were supposed to be pulling out of the garage. The rest of the Zoo was knocked out and by knocked out I mean coma state.

The school girl of course didn't want to get out of bed so after 5 minutes of begging, pleading and threats I finally just flipped back the covers, grabbed two feet and started dressing her in her sleep. NutriGrain bars are ok for a 4 year old's breakfast, right? They have "Nutri" as in nutritious in the name! And if I give her a cup of orange juice to wash it down with in the car that will work. I know her dentist would completely approve of a Listerine swish and spit on the tooth front too, wouldn't he?

The child crawled back in bed! Apparently she missed the part where Mom's head was about to spin off her shoulders. The Nudist took it upon himself to "help." "MO! GET UP!! WITE NOOOOOOOW!!!!! I SAID (drag that out a little), GET UP NOW!!!!"

Now the baby was yelling from her crib in the next room (I can't imagine why.), the dog is howling, Lord of the Manor is fussing because I "let" him over sleep, and Magoo is protesting Tuck's wake up tactics. I, in the meantime, have realized that I forgot to pack Mo's lunch last night so I'm trying to assemble a bologna sandwich, remember to pack the water bottle and cajole Mo into eating her real breakfast of cinnamon toast. Where's my coffee? Oh yeah! I didn't set that up last night either.

Cram Mo's feet into her shoes, wave a magic hairbrush over her head, do a quick pass with the toothbrush (sorry Dr. King!) and head for the van. This is when Beloved announced that he was getting in the shower and the baby and The Boy had to go with me to take Mo to school. Are you on something?! But off we go. Oh yeah!! Maybe putting some contacts in would be a good idea. I mean it helps if you can see while you're driving. And a bra would be a good idea just in case I have to get out of the van.

We made it on time. The child was fed, dressed, brushed (teeth and hair), and smiling when she left the van.

I rewarded myself with Dunkin Donuts! I'll be calling the fire station this afternoon. Those Christmas cookies I deliver every year have to get me SOME perks!

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Wordless Wednesdays



It's almost football season!

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

The Bathroom is around the corner

Random I know. But I took a page from some other mom's I've run into out there in Bloggy land. I expanded to have a side blog that is "big girl" stuff. Things that might not involve my children.

Here's the poop. (hee hee, I'm still funny!) I think when I clean and I think really deep thoughts when I'm in the bathroom - cleaning, not using! You dorks!! So that's where Thoughts from the Bowl came in.

I don't know about you but my bathroom isn't always pretty so I must warn you that there may be days where the Zoo has you crying tears of joy and the Bowl just has you crying. It's my life and I can do that.

Thanks for hanging out at the Zoo. Here's to a great fall!

Monday, September 1, 2008

A letter from the Zookeeper

Dear Zookeeper Sisterhood,

Please treat visiting Zookeepers In Training (henceforth referred to as Z.I.T.'s) with great care. I was hostess to a Z.I.T this weekend and I fear that I may have popped her.

My Z.I.T was holding up quite nicely to the craziness that is Zoo Suburbia in spite of Marmoset's determination to keep shoes on her feet regardless of what Zookeeper and Z.I.T. were doing when her shoes fell off. She was even beginning to speak Rhino with a fluency reserved for those of us who are in daily contact with him. Orangutan was at school but was so delighted to have the visiting Z.I.T. that she was on her best behavior and was containing her climbing antics to the exhibit closing routine.

Then the zoo began to reveal the ugliness that lies behind the solid wooden fence between exhibits. It began with Rhino's recounting of the debris I had just removed from his attire. "That looks just like a rocket ship! Coooool!!" I think the Z.I.T. might have considered tossing her cookies.

The following day we loaded the livestock trailer and visited Zoo Atlanta. I believe the Z.I.T. referred to it as herding cats on high levels of catnip. The Orangutan chose this moment to share her whine settings and Marmoset gave a lecture on The Effects of a Missed Nap. Rhino shared some delightful tips on How to Aggravate an Orangutan because he certainly couldn't be left out.

My Z.I.T. was holding up fairly well after an evening of rest but then I tested her skills to the limit. It was the trip to the food procurement center that did her in I believe. The Rhino chose to do some unsupervised investigation of the center, the Orangutan was back to her normal swinging from anything that was still and Marmoset was about to launch into her lecture on the Effects of Missed Meals. Did I mention that after arriving back at Zoo Suburbia, the Rhino thought it perfectly acceptable to start channeling his alter ego The Nudist?

Add to all of this that Z.I.T.'s have not developed the mutant antibodies that act as a Zookeeper's medical Armor All and she was starting to catch a bit of an allergy induced cold, and my Z.I.T. popped.

So let this be a lesson to you, my Zookeeper Sisterhood. When handling a Z.I.T., use extreme caution. Especially if your Zoo is one like mine. As a fellow Zookeeper once said, "Some quality time with my Zoo and your eggs will refuse to hatch!"

Sincerely,
The Zookeeper

We interrupt this blog....

'Cause apparently I might be a little bit cool!

So Sissy over at My Kids Might be Martians rewarded me with the following...



So now I get to pass it on to 7 bloggers who have influenced me and who I greatly enjoy!

1. Mommy Cracked

2. The X Mom

3. Sleeping Mommy

4. Wiping up Snot

5. Mommy Confessions

Unfortunately I'm still growing my blogroll and since Sissy and the Martians are the ones who awarded me I hate to pass it back. She would be #1 on the list otherwise. Thank you to my faithful readers for tolerating my nonsense. I love you all!! (cue Oscar music....)