Mom Tip Not so Mini

Contrary to what Wikipedia says, I think Murphy was a mom, not a scientist.

I had to run by CVS today before we went to pick up Mo from school. We popped in I grabbed what I needed and we got in line at the register. Of course this is when Murphy's Law kicked in.

You know how SM Rhino refuses to potty train? That only applies if we are somewhere that has an easily accessible restroom for customers. CVS doesn't have one of those. "But Mom I think the peeps are gonna come out!!! Stay peeps! Stay!!" Why not? I have no dignity left; let it rip son!

So I pay for our purchase, rush out the door and toss it in the van and then start to sprint up the hill to the Starbucks with an 18 mo old on one hip and three year old in the other hand. Whew! We made it! Thank goodness because that in the back of my van would have been truly Murphy.

Of course I'm the only person in Starbucks aside from the three baristas on duty and the store manager over there in the corner. My guilt gets the better of me and I make up a reason to buy a coffee cake - after all we did just come in here and use their potty. The darling barista behind the counter offers us some hot chocolate samples and makes sure that Rhino is holding his. I turn for the briefest of moments to pay for the coffee cake and Rhino drops his chocolate. Not just on the floor but in his shoes.

Understand this about Rhino. He doesn't do messy very well. Playing in the dirt is fine but getting something wet and sticky on him is an absolute no no. Remember how I said I had no dignity? Yeah, well, any that was left vanished when he started a full blown melt down right there in the middle of Starbucks. Now I have to figure out how to clean both feet and the inside of his shoes before he'll even think about moving from his soggy chocolate puddle.

And NOW someone else walks in. Where was she three minutes ago? If she had been here I would have slipped unnoticed out a side door and skipped the whole bathroom rental coffee cake! She of course was offered a chocolate too. As I finally got it together I rounded up my coffee cake, my children and a chocolate.

The only problem is that I don't think that was my chocolate.

Oh yeah. Murphy was definitely a Mom.

Mom Tip #45

Even SuperMom has bonehead moments.

And when I say “bonehead,” I mean all out brain fart!

How many millions of times have I told the children to “keep the water IN the tub?” It could be the rinse cup. It could be the bath toys. It could be the washcloth or even their hands but they always – and I mean ALWAYS – manage to get water all over the floor. I have sat right beside the tub from start to finish on a bath and we still end up with mystery water on the floor. I don’t know how but it has happened.

And what about the shower head? We have one that you can pull down and aim and that is how the bigger kids get their baths. They think running from the rinse cup is an Olympic sport and take their training seriously. I have finally broken their training spirit with the shower head so they just stand still and let the rinse cycle happen. But if I put it down for even a minute that is an engraved invitation to start attempting to spray one another which ends in – you guessed it! – water all over the bathroom floor.

Tonight we were almost done. There hadn’t been any screaming. Well, there was that moment when Munch did her business in the tub and freaked Mo out but I digress. Everyone made it through bath without getting soap in their eyes and I was finishing the rinse cycle on Mo. Then it happened. My crowning bonehead moment.

I stood up to put the shower head back on the mount. Did I turn the water off first? Did I at least turn the shower head off first? That would be “No” on both accounts. I aimed it straight at my face and lifted it up. Soaked. From my forehead to my knees. And now there is water on the floor. Was there any water on the floor before my brain fart? I couldn’t tell you because the deluge of water that I unleashed on the bathroom wiped out any prior evidence.

The next time your jaw drops because of a lapse in judgment on your own part, just smile and tell yourself “I’m entitled.”

Mom Tip #20 - A Mother's Revenge.

Revenge is sweet (so keep a journal)!

Imagine if you will that we are fast forwarding 14 years to Tuck’s first date. Imagine that I take that opportunity to recount the following story.

While Tuck was potty training I made it a point to make sure that no matter where we were or what we were doing, if he said he had to go potty I would take him. It seems that his favorite time to tell me this was when we were in the middle of the grocery store. This meant parking the cart, unloading Meghan, grabbing the diaper bag and herding the three children into the handicap stall of the ladies’ restroom where there was room for all four of us.

On one particular trip, the handicapped stall was already occupied by someone else. Tuck made a beeline for the stall only to pull on the handle and find the door locked. So being a boy of two, he decided to check this situation out a little further. He was not content to just look under the door and see feet – no, the Boy had to stick his entire head under the door and yell, “Hey Mom! Dere’s a yady in dere!”

By this point I had him by the waistband of his shorts and was hauling him backward and into the stall next to the handicapped stall. Four people don’t fit in a standard one person stall so I was standing with the door open, Tuck on the potty (still lecturing me about the “yady” who was using “our” potty), Mo standing behind me emptying the diaper bag, and Munch on my hip trying to get down so she could personally study the cleanliness of the restroom.

Then the long suffering female next door coughed.

“Mom!! Mom!! Dat yady BARFED!!!”

Do you know how badly public restrooms echo? We finished our business and started to leave. This time – and only this time! – he decided it was imperative that he wash his hands. I’m sure the “yady” was done with whatever she was doing but took mercy on me and stayed in the stall until we were well clear. I couldn’t help but wonder though every time we passed someone in the aisles from that point on if she was the one.

Back to present now. Can you imagine how satisfying this moment is going to be?! Oh yes, son! Go ahead and embarrass me now but know that I will have my day!