Mom Tip #64: Lacking Motivation? Schedule the Cable Guy!

Now maybe this should really go under one of my Mom Tips You can Use but oh well.

I have a spare exhibit this week so not only has my glorious routine been blown to smithereens but my disaster quotient has been exceptionally high. I promise you I can have a room spotless, walk away to blow my nose and come back to worse than it was before I cleaned. It's amazing! They are like those sister twisters in Twister. You know the ones that were flinging the cow around? Yeah. That's Marmoset and her cohort. Holy Flying Cows, Batman!

Yesterday I just gave up. I really said out loud so that the children and Lion could hear, "That's it! I quit. If the tornado warning carries the house away at least I'll have a God sent reason for the disaster!" They looked at me like I was nuts and went about their destruction.

This morning I woke up and scrambled to get Orangutan out for Cuddle Up and Read Day which involved both of us putting on our clean PJ's, gathering up some books and flying out the door. Halfway through my visit to OAT I remembered that the cable guy was going to be at our house between 11 and 2. It was 9. Lion had not left for the hunt yet so I knew the kitchen had exploded, the playroom was a left over nightmare, and the living room was probably in such shambles that the cable guy couldn't even get to the TV.

I zipped home as quickly as possible. Load and run the dishwasher while I speed pack a lunch for Lion. Kick toys into the cubby under the TV while I rip the vacuum around the carpet. Snatch the sheets off the beds because if they are in the washer I have a reason for the beds being unmade, right? Then it was a slide down the stairs and a quick scoop and stash in the playroom. Speed twirl the vacuum around the playroom and back up the stairs to save the kitchen. Unloading and reloading the dishwasher with one hand while I run the mop water and wipe down the counters with the other. Scrape a layer of sludge off the kitchen floor (that I just did yesterday) while herding the Twister Sisters off the wet floor. Go redo the living room where the Twister Sisters have been hanging out.

You know what? I should probably reconnect the cable boxes so that the cable guy can see what the problem was.
Are you )*&@$%^() kidding me?!
The cable is working?

But at least I have the afternoon off right?

Mom Tip #43

When your children start school, start setting multiple alarms.

And by multiple alarms I mean a dozen at least and all different and if you can get a firetruck to drive by your house on really important days, go for it!

Three guesses what happened at our house this morning. I woke up 15 minutes before we were supposed to be pulling out of the garage. The rest of the Zoo was knocked out and by knocked out I mean coma state.

The school girl of course didn't want to get out of bed so after 5 minutes of begging, pleading and threats I finally just flipped back the covers, grabbed two feet and started dressing her in her sleep. NutriGrain bars are ok for a 4 year old's breakfast, right? They have "Nutri" as in nutritious in the name! And if I give her a cup of orange juice to wash it down with in the car that will work. I know her dentist would completely approve of a Listerine swish and spit on the tooth front too, wouldn't he?

The child crawled back in bed! Apparently she missed the part where Mom's head was about to spin off her shoulders. The Nudist took it upon himself to "help." "MO! GET UP!! WITE NOOOOOOOW!!!!! I SAID (drag that out a little), GET UP NOW!!!!"

Now the baby was yelling from her crib in the next room (I can't imagine why.), the dog is howling, Lord of the Manor is fussing because I "let" him over sleep, and Magoo is protesting Tuck's wake up tactics. I, in the meantime, have realized that I forgot to pack Mo's lunch last night so I'm trying to assemble a bologna sandwich, remember to pack the water bottle and cajole Mo into eating her real breakfast of cinnamon toast. Where's my coffee? Oh yeah! I didn't set that up last night either.

Cram Mo's feet into her shoes, wave a magic hairbrush over her head, do a quick pass with the toothbrush (sorry Dr. King!) and head for the van. This is when Beloved announced that he was getting in the shower and the baby and The Boy had to go with me to take Mo to school. Are you on something?! But off we go. Oh yeah!! Maybe putting some contacts in would be a good idea. I mean it helps if you can see while you're driving. And a bra would be a good idea just in case I have to get out of the van.

We made it on time. The child was fed, dressed, brushed (teeth and hair), and smiling when she left the van.

I rewarded myself with Dunkin Donuts! I'll be calling the fire station this afternoon. Those Christmas cookies I deliver every year have to get me SOME perks!