The Mother's Curse

I know that I have mentioned "The Mother's Curse" several times in past posts. Remember "Reincarnation?" Or how about "Parenting Fatigue?" I'm sure I mentioned it.

Part of me assumed that everyone knew what "The Mother's Curse" was. The other half of me thought I had already written this post. But now that I look back I realize that while I have mentioned it in passing, I have never actually clarified what "The Mother's Curse" is.

The Mother's Curse - the moment a mother utters out loud, under her breath, in the back of her mind, or in a dream "Someday you will have a child and when you do that child will be just. like. you."

It is important going into the next few days that you understand The Curse. You should also understand that The Grand Keeper never hid from us the fact that she used it and used it often. At one point in our lives we knew two phrases. "Remember Rule #1" (I'll explain that later) and "Someday..." She got to the point that she didn't even finish it. She would just let out "Someday..." and we knew another layer had been added to our curse.

From time to time I will call The Grand Keeper and no sooner does she pick up her end, then chaos is all it's glory erupts at my house. The dog will start barking at nothing; Marmie will have issues getting to the potty in time; Orangutan will show up with another tragedy of some cataclysmic proportion; and Rhino will deny that he had anything to do with any of it while he scrambles to hide the evidence. About that time the washer will go off balance; the toilet will overflow and the dishwasher will go psycho and start beeping for no apparent reason. Smoke will roll from the stove and the condiment shelf will inevitably fall off the refrigerator door as soon as I open it dumping all the contents of the ketchup bottle on the floor that I finally had a chance to mop.

Grand Keeper in all her wisdom will undoubtedly say something witty like, "I see my plan is working. I'll talk to you later. Tell them I love them. And Someday..."

Now perhaps Grand Keeper was just that good at applying her curse. Perhaps I really was the loony bin in sneakers. Perhaps I am getting double whammied (another idea we will explore later). In any case, it's time. It is time for me to start dishing out my own helping.

Someday my little exhibits. Someday...

Mom Tip Not so Mini

Contrary to what Wikipedia says, I think Murphy was a mom, not a scientist.

I had to run by CVS today before we went to pick up Mo from school. We popped in I grabbed what I needed and we got in line at the register. Of course this is when Murphy's Law kicked in.

You know how SM Rhino refuses to potty train? That only applies if we are somewhere that has an easily accessible restroom for customers. CVS doesn't have one of those. "But Mom I think the peeps are gonna come out!!! Stay peeps! Stay!!" Why not? I have no dignity left; let it rip son!

So I pay for our purchase, rush out the door and toss it in the van and then start to sprint up the hill to the Starbucks with an 18 mo old on one hip and three year old in the other hand. Whew! We made it! Thank goodness because that in the back of my van would have been truly Murphy.

Of course I'm the only person in Starbucks aside from the three baristas on duty and the store manager over there in the corner. My guilt gets the better of me and I make up a reason to buy a coffee cake - after all we did just come in here and use their potty. The darling barista behind the counter offers us some hot chocolate samples and makes sure that Rhino is holding his. I turn for the briefest of moments to pay for the coffee cake and Rhino drops his chocolate. Not just on the floor but in his shoes.

Understand this about Rhino. He doesn't do messy very well. Playing in the dirt is fine but getting something wet and sticky on him is an absolute no no. Remember how I said I had no dignity? Yeah, well, any that was left vanished when he started a full blown melt down right there in the middle of Starbucks. Now I have to figure out how to clean both feet and the inside of his shoes before he'll even think about moving from his soggy chocolate puddle.

And NOW someone else walks in. Where was she three minutes ago? If she had been here I would have slipped unnoticed out a side door and skipped the whole bathroom rental coffee cake! She of course was offered a chocolate too. As I finally got it together I rounded up my coffee cake, my children and a chocolate.

The only problem is that I don't think that was my chocolate.

Oh yeah. Murphy was definitely a Mom.