Mom Tip Mini

Think twice before adding last minute exhibits to your zoo.

I love my daughter. I love her friend. I love my son and I love his friend. Having a friend sandwich when you don't HAVE to is not a good idea. Yesterday I had Tuck's friend (because I keep him two days a week). But being the kind and generous person I am, I knew that the girls were out of school today for Election Day. I'll let Mo have an all day playdate!! That will be so nice of me!

Brrrnnnttt. And on top of that I took them all to the park where we met up with the other friends. That's right Zoo fans! I single handedly took four children to the park on an absolutely gorgeous no school day (it was PACKED!!) and met up with one other adult and three more children. Do you have a mental picture yet?

Two adults. One seven year old. Three five year olds. Two three year olds and an eighteen month old. Four children who decided to adopt my friend and I since their parents were too busy talking on their cell phones and about a dozen children who seemed insistent on giving us heart attacks by climbing up the outside of the twenty foot high climbing structure.

I'm exhausted. My nerves are shot. And I still have to mop my floor and make dinner. Did I mention that Tuck's friend comes back tomorrow?

I'm taking Thursday off.

Mom Tip #42

Naps are wonderful but time them with care!

Here at Zoo Suburbia things tend to hit critical mass from time to time. Our options when this happens are to either tolerate the incomprehensible screaming and wailing and gnash our own teeth or put some people in crash mode (full blown nap).

Yesterday we picked Mo up from school, ran by the grocery store and headed for home. I thought all was well until The Boy hit the door between the garage and the house. I don’t know what happened or who started it but it was ugly. There was serious screaming from Tuck and Munch and to this moment I have no idea what it was all about. Off to bed. Now here’s the problem. Critical mass didn’t hit until 4. With Munch that’s no big deal; she can take a nap at 4 and still go down for bed at the normal time. She plays pretty hard.

Tuck? Not so much! He went down for his nap and try as I might there was no waking him before 5. The rest of the evening was delightful with minimal fighting but then it was time to go to bed. Talking, talking, books, more talking. There was no end in sight. At 9:30 he came to tell me that Mo hit him. Could that be because she wanted to sleep and you were in her face? “Well, yeah.” Come help me pack lunches.

He talked me through packing lunches. Let’s go brush teeth and get Mom ready for bed. He talked me through that including a discussion on why Mommy has to take her “no baby medicine.” “Yeah we don’t want another Meghan!” Let’s go make the coffee. He talked me through that. Do you need to go potty? This is where I learned that when “the peeps” don’t want to come out it means they aren’t home. They went to the grocery store. I was exhausted so I asked. What do peeps buy at the grocery store? “Food, you silly goose!” What do peeps eat? (I was REALLY tired) “More peeps!” Please son! Can we go to bed?

So I let him snuggle with me in my bed but no snuggles were to be had until we sang The Little Old Lady who Swallowed a Fly. Then I tried to “pretend” I was asleep to encourage him to do the same. Next thing I knew there were toes up my nose. “Smell my feet Mom!” I don’t know what time he finally fell asleep. He was still talking about feet and peeps and coffee when I lost it for the night.

I do know that the peeps got back from the grocery store somewhere around 2:30 this morning. It happened on Daddy’s side of the bed which I heard about pretty promptly but since it wasn’t my side I made a mental note to just sleep really still.

Go ahead. Get those naps in – just make sure you time them early enough in the day. Or take a nap with them!

The Zookeeper Goes Seussical

{For those that are part of my CafeMom world - sorry it needed to make the trip over here!}

This is not good. This is not right.

The children have gone to bed for the night.

It's way to early for this state.

Maybe someone can relate.

All day the battles raged and roared.

Zoom went the toys and slam went the door.

Best of friends they used to be.

What has changed I cannot see!

"But it's MY turn!" she hollered out.

"No, it's NOT." I heard him shout.

"No, No! Mum, Mum!" the baby chimed.

As the dog stared at me and whined.

And then the crying with a high pitched screech

She didn't make it out of his reach.

Teapot to the head, a hand full of hair

I'll never take them anywhere!

But tomorrow morn the sun will rise

My little terrors will open eyes

"It's church day!" she'll beam and spring from bed

"Mornin' Mom!" from my little tow head.

"Hi Mum Mum!" the babe will say.

And so we'll start a brand new day.

"Dear Lord," I pray with all my heart

"Please don't let more rukus start!"

"My head of glass no more can bear

The clawing, scratching and pulling hair.

Wash my home with peace and love

Or I'll be forced to send them to you above!!"

Mom Tip #37

Examine your child occasionally for new and “improved” features.

Apparently while everyone was asleep emergency triggers were installed in my children. They are sensitive to sleep levels and can go off at anytime anywhere.

Magoo’s first day of “big school” was yesterday. It was a very exciting time for everyone. We took great precautions to plan ahead and make sure we had everything we needed. We laid out clothes and packed lunches the night before. We set 2 alarm clocks to make sure everyone got up and Super Mom even planned a family breakfast of blueberry pancakes as a special treat.

Everything went off like clockwork. We got Mo to class, said our farewells and got back to the house just in time for Daddy to go to work. The two small people played together like best friends all day with only a small moratorium for Munch to nap around 9. After lunch it was time for a quick trip to the grocery store and gas station before we had to pick up Mo.

Then the sleep sensitive emergency triggers went off. I didn’t even know they existed. I’ve never seen them and in tonight’s bath I was unable to locate them. I sincerely pray that not only will I be able to locate them but also deactivate them IMMEDIATELY!!

These triggers tripped and Munch started the squeal from…well…you know. Simultaneously Tuck started hollering as loud as he could that his belly hurt and he was just positive if I didn’t get him home NOW the pain was going to make his head fall off. There I was sitting in the carpool line in my own little torture chamber. School was out at 2:20 but it took the longest 20 minutes in history to get the children together for departure.

Just when I thought my head was going to join Tuck’s, it all went stone silent. I pried my now numb fingers from the steering wheel and slowly cracked one eyelid in the general direction of the rearview mirror. There were two passed out cherubs in the backseat where just moments before were the minions of the Dark Lord himself. And what do you know, there’s Mrs. F bringing Mo down the sidewalk. The last thing I wanted to do was hit the button to open that automatic door and sure enough as soon as I did I saw eyelids flutter. As we pulled away from the curb, the triggers tripped a second time and this time Mo felt like she should shout over them to tell me about her day.

I know when I gave birth to these children I counted fingers, toes, ears, eyes – well, everything. I do not remember seeing a red button or a switch that said “Warning: This switch will be activated when sleep levels reach critically low levels leading to failure of volume controls and extreme temper tantrums.”

I don’t know who installed these triggers but it had to have been a male and when I find him he had better hope I don’t have a trigger of my own!