Summertime, and the Livin's Cray-zee!

Well, this is it. The time of year that every stay home mom dreads. Summer. The time when the following questions play in your head even while you are asleep (which I think we have established, mom's don't ever really do).

What do we have to eat?
Is it time to eat?

What can we do now?

Can we go to the pool now?

and of course the every popular collection of catch phrases...

I'm bored.
I'm hungry.
He/she did (insert ultimate world ending evil here) to me!!

I thought I was going to be ok. I made a plan two weeks ago. O is having some literacy issues at school so we are going to have Zoo Summer School! I am Super Mom and therefore I can come up with activities and games and other occupations to help her learn in a fun and engaging way.

Yesterday was Day 1 of my Super Plan. We woke up and hour later than I had planned. Marmie sat on the potty for 15 minutes with no result. And Rhino peed his bed. While I was stripping sheets Marmie went into the kitchen and peed on the floor which of course O walked through. I mopped up the mess and handed out breakfast. We had a nice little chat about what we were going to do while everyone ate and I unloaded the dishwasher.

Breakfast was wrapping up nicely when Marmie got out of her chair and peed on the floor again. Three guesses what O did! Yup, walked through it again!

Ladies and gents that was all before 9 AM yesterday.

The rest of the day went rather well. Our letter of the day was B so we drew B's in grits on cookie sheets; did a B treasure hunt around the house; beat Mom on the head with a baseball bat! (Not really but a late cup of coffee and missed breakfast made me feel like it.) All in all we managed to salvage it and have a good day.

Fast forward to today when we decide to take a trek to the pool. The usual departure chaos but overall a pretty easy time getting out of the house. Being that it is still early in the year, the water was the expected cold but children have no thermostats so they didn't care which meant that I COULDN'T care. Swimming, swimming, swimming.

Hey gang. Let's take a potty break. Rhino had been refusing to get back in the pool for a good 15 minutes and when we went to the potty I learned why and thanked God. Serious debris in the mesh swimming trunks. (Sure! Go ahead and gag. I did!!) Pack everyone up and trek back while watching "stuff" fall out his pant leg. (Gagging again!)

Did I mention that we have been doing a letter of the day? Yeah and today's was P. I really didn't need this many words that started with P.

Apparently I'm a Butt Mom.

Lie to me if you must moms in the reading audience, but tell me that you are a Butt Mom too.

It has to happen outside of my house. If it doesn't; if my house is the only place on the planet that is home to the Butt Mom then I am renegotiating my stance on dying in the basement and being buried in the front yard.

Please go put these shoes in your closet.
But Mom! I have to finish this puzzle! (Which I am then going to leave strewn in a million places all over so you have to pick it out of the vacuum cleaner for the next 3 weeks.)

Please go put your laundry away.
But Mom! I don't know where it goes.
(But if I ask you to get dressed you can assemble an outfit in 2.7 seconds. It may clash but you can change it 3 more times during the day - for absolutely no reason!!)

Please clean up the playroom.
But Mom! I'm soooo tired! (It's 8 AM and you just had syrup with pancakes - not a typo people.)

Dear Exhibits,
If I was a Butt Mom you would be the funniest looking kids in Kindergarten. I (am going to pull out one of Bill Cosby's lines) brought you into this world; I can take you out!!

And I wish I could say it was just the Exhibits that had this problem. Apparently I'm Butt Honey too!

Please stop and pick up some milk on the way home.
But Honey! I've had a really long day and I just want to come home. Can't you get it in the morning?

Please help me get the kids into bed.
But Honey! I just ate and I want to sit here and just relax or a minute.

Please put your stuff in the laundry basket.
But Honey! Then I have to look at what I'm doing.

Dear Zoo Supporters,
Don't think to hard about Butt Honey. You'll never look at a bee the same way again.

All my love!

I Have Decided to Quit Blogging

I’ve gotten a few notes and comments from regular readers asking if I’m okay and telling me that they miss my blog updates. Thank you. That is very sweet of all of you.

And while I don’t OWE you an explanation for my absence because after all this is my place on the web and I will do with it what I want, I will offer one out of friendship. Simply put, I burnt out. I was pressing everyday to find something to write about and stressing about whether my stats were climbing and if I was "good enough" to be a part of bloggy land at all. I was worried about whether you were enjoying my writing and was I funny enough? Why wouldn’t my meme take off and why didn’t I take more pictures this week for Wordless Wednesday? Who in the forums was reading my stuff and why wouldn’t more people comment? Why couldn’t my most controversial stances spark any kind of debate?

I was dreaming in blog people. I would wake up thinking blog and I would eat blog for lunch and I would blog while I was brushing my teeth. Not on the blog but in my head. I would wake up in the middle of the night to make notes about a dream because maybe when I was fully awake I could turn it into a roll em in the aisles post.

For some people that is a great thing. For some people that would be a rocking life. For me it was torture. I want to write. Just write. I don’t want to install meta tags and learn CSS code and HTML code and link all the right keywords. I don’t really care if Google finds me or not. I don’t necessarily want to make millions off of my blog. It would be nice if it happened but only if I can still be happy while I do it.

I just want to write. And that is what this started out as. A place for me to write. Then I got sidetracked with stats and comment counts and posting two or three times a day and making sure that I was friends with the right people in bloggy land and making sure that I didn’t offend or comment on the wrong blog because that would draw drama.

So I am going to quit blogging. I am just going to write. Here. When I feel like it and about what I want. The family stuff will still be found at The Zoo and the brain junk and social commentary will still be at The Bowl. But don’t expect me to update everyday. I don’t have THAT much to say.

I am no longer judging my success by stats, followers and page rank. I am purely judging my success by comments and my own happiness. If I can inspire you enough to cause you to comment then I have been successful. My biggest reward is forcing Buck to come out of his reader to comment. And that is what I want it to be all about. Just writing and sharing my writing with people who want to read.

Those of you who know me from some forums, give my regards. It’s not that I don’t like you or want to hang out with you. I just can’t get sucked back into all "stuff" that is blogging.
So farewell to blogging - welcome back writing.

**Note: For those of you who follow both, you will see this post cross posted today because the same audience is not in both places. Thanks for your tolerance.

My Mommy by Orangutan!

This morning was O's Mother's Day program at school. They sang for us and then presented us with gifts and a little interview that they put together with the teachers. I'll sharee the interview first (because the computer is slow and hasn't finished loading the video yet).

These are the answers to 10 questions the teachers asked Orangutan.

1. My dad calls my mom Sarah.
I would have said he calls me "Honey where's the..." but it was her interview not mine.

2. My mom is as tall as a pole.
Not sure how I feel about that. I guess it's better than being as tall as a frog, right?

3. My mom weighs I don't know. I never weighed her before.
Good use of diplomacy O. I am so glad she stuck to the scientific answer! By the way the low bid out of all the moms was 10 pounds I think. She looked good too!

4. My mom is 19 years old.
Boy, I sure wish I felt like I was 19! My knees actually made audible creaks this morning. And the low bid on age was 5 - yes, that would mean simultaneously being born and giving birth. Not a labor I want to be part of thank you very much!

5. Her favorite drink is fancy ones.
Maybe cocktail hour has been happening a little early lately! Eeek!

6. Her favorite restaurant is fancy ones.
The correct answer here is any! As long as I don't have to clean I'm golden.

7. She likes to play with us for fun.
Or take a nap, or watch a movie or write, but yeah, playing with them is a pretty good deal too!

8. She enjoys cooking pizza.
Time to shake up the dinner menu again!

9. She looks prettiest when she wears a black dress.
She could have said "dress" in general or "when she actually showers" so I'll take this one.

10. My mom is so smart she can even get me, my brother, and my sister a playground that you can pick a circus, then switch again and find a new one. If you get on the sun the game is shorter.

See, what she was trying to say is that I'm so smart I can get them to play a board game together with minimal bloodshed. But instead she described the game.

And now (an hour and a half later) I can share with you the musical number from our morning. O is in the very back because she's one of the tallest in her class. Sorry about the quality. It's from our digital camer. Any one who would like an idea for a birthday gift (coming up soon!) is welcome to remember that a gift card to Best Buy is a really GOOD idea! (Pass it on sis!)

Well, how did THAT happen?!

Orangutan is staring down the end of her first year of school. I think she is actually disappointed that school is ending "so soon." And I can understand why. She's the popular kid in class.

So how did THAT happen?

I was the Invisible Girl. The one you knew if you needed help with homework or a ride after track practice but other than that I didn't exist. I had my friends (all eight of us who ate lunch together every day) but I wasn't picking a name out of a hat for prom if you know what I mean.

Lion was part of a group of guys who probably held their own in high school but he wasn't a Jock himself. I think he was probably that guy between Jock and well, the other guy actually. And yes, that close nit tribe he ran with in high school is almost all relocated here to Atlanta too.

So how is it that my daughter, who talks entirely too much, is the popular kid in her PreK class? I didn't realize this was her status until I went to a birthday part at Chucky Cheeze yesterday. And yes, that's a rant filled blog in and of itself but I'm trying to stay focused. I walked into the party and met the host and hostess who were the sweetest people on the planet I think. Barbie and Ken right here in Suburbia!

As we were making small talk Ken (obviously not his real name which quite honestly I've forgotten! eek and shame on me!), noted that she is the friendliest, most talkative, helpful and delightful child in the class. To which Barbie replies, "Oh yes! S talks about her all the time! He just adores her!"

Fast forward fifteen minutes when we bump into another member of her class and his father. C reacts with typical girls are yucky fervor "Oh No!! Not M!!!" and his father turns seven shades of red, apologizes profusely, and adds, "But C really likes her. He talks about her all the time!"

Then there's the girls who flocked to her when they came in, and the little boy who follows her around like a puppy all day every day. "Please be my friend today?" Like he has to get permission to be her shadow every day?!

I don't understand. How did a child from a socially backward mother end up the popular kid in the class?

I'm not sure how I feel about this. I would almost rather she was invisi-kid like me. She wouldn't have the pressure of everyone's eyes. She wouldn't have to feel like a leader before her time. I could protect her from so much more if she was invisi-kid.

This motherhood thing just keeps getting harder.

When Animals Attack!

This has been a very strange week for me animal wise. I'm not sure why but it seems that every day this week there has been an animal related incident that has made me laugh or freak me out.

Sunday I was planting on the porch and suddenly saw a little gecko pop out from under the door between our screen porch and our deck. Being the educationally encouraging mother I am, I called Orangutan and Rhino out of the yard where they were playing in the sprinkler to observe this gift of nature. We even had a deep conversation about how his tail ould fall off if they touched it. And then he ducked back under the door.

Please keep in mind that our screen porch is just off of our master bed room and the sliding glass door has been open to air the house out. Rhino pursued our little friend into the screen porch and I went back to planting. At least I went back to planting until I heard this.

"It's ok pal! My room is right there across the hall. Just run through Mommy's room to the other side."

Yeah, no! I am not up for lizards in my bed, under my bed, or rotting in Rhino's closet. No sir! Lizards stay outside, thank you very much!

Fast forward two days to a phone call from my college roommate during which she recounted the capture of 8 (or nine - we're not sure) crickets that were released in her car. Did I mention that she didn't find out about the crickets until it was dark and she was driving said car? Yeah.

And then we called Grand Keeper and Silverback. Chat, chat, chat. Grand Keeper erupts in unexplained laughter. "Mom? What's going on?"

"I'm not sure but your father is dancing." This peaks Orangutan's curiosity because she knows Silverback is an "awesome" dancer. "Why is he dancing, Grammy?"

More laughter followed by lots of stomping. "There's a bee in Poppie's pants!!"

My mother had put laundry out on the clothesline last weekend and a bee got trapped in my father's pants and stayed there all week. Well, until he put them on last night anyway. The bee is no more. That was funny enough to make Orangutan laugh until she fell off my lap but the real kicker came next.

"It's not funny girl!" Silverback was chuckling himself. "If you think that's funny wait until I tell you about the mouse that ran up my leg and into my boot!"

And you were all wondering why I call this The Zoo!