Monday, August 11, 2008

Mom Tip #36

Read every book written on parenting but you’ll still be surprised.

Go to any Barnes and Noble and you can find a whole line up of books about pregnancy, parenting and child psychology. Go ahead and spend a fortune and then countless hours reading them. You’re still going to have days that make your jaw drop.

Daddy was helping Tuck get ready for church this morning and they were making one of the last passes by the bathroom before we walked out the door. I don’t know what inspired it but Tuck told Daddy what he’s been telling me all week.

“I don’t want Mo anymore.”
You don’t? Well what do you think we should do with her?
“I don’t know but I don’t want her!”
Well, should we ship her off somewhere? Mail her to someone?
“Yeah!!” He reached into his pocket and pulled out an imaginary letter which he proceeded to unroll like a scroll. “Dear Mo, Go Away!”

You can’t prepare for that.

This evening (as if one off the wall surprise a day would ever be enough in the Zoo!), I did everyone’s baths and one by one they left the bathroom with towels on their heads. I know you all will be shocked and amazed when I tell you that the Nudist and his Apprentice took this as an engraved invitation to stay au natural.

Mo took a separate shower after the other two so when she got out of the tub with her towel she headed for her room for her pajamas. I’m going about my business rinsing out the tub and restoring order when she comes flying (her towel as a cape of course) into the bathroom.

“Mom!! I just found poop in the middle of our bedroom floor!”

You can’t prepare for that.

Off to the bedroom to clean up the poop. Nudist is hiding in the closet and Apprentice is dancing in the hallway. Who would you think was the culprit? Nudist of course and he claimed the handiwork to avoid interrogation and punishment. Fine. I clean it up and pass out pajamas. No more naked butts!

On my way back out the hallway I scoop up Apprentice and carry her out to get her dressed. As I flip her up to diaper her I make a horrible discovery. She was the culprit. Please don’t ask me how I came to this discovery. It’s just not pretty.

You can’t prepare for that.