Mom Tip #2

Your intelligence has just entered a state of constant flux.

It has only been four short years since Molly joined our family and I have already learned that I can be an unbelievable genius or a complete idiot.

Let’s start with idiot. “Why are your shoes on the wrong feet?” “Because I like them like that!”
“Why did you snatch that from your brother?” “Because I wanted it!”
These are matter of fact answers that are delivered in such a way that I can’t help but feel stupid for asking the question in the first place.

In my own defense, I am also a genius. I know the answers to every “Why” and “How” and I can prove it. Ask me anything. I am the smartest woman in the world.

“Why is that man running, Mom?”
Because he wants to exercise.
“Why does he want to exercise?”
So he can be healthy.
“What does healthy mean?”
You feel good; you don’t get sick and your body works right.
“Do I need to exercise?”
Yes, so why don’t you go outside and ride bike?

See! I am a genius! But it won’t last long. I predict that when she turns twelve my IQ will begin to drop and I eventually won’t have any of the answers any more. I predict that by 2021 (She will be 18.) I will be a complete moron.

I will remain a moron until approximately 2028 (give or take a year or two). At this time she will be right around twenty-five and may be starting a family of her own. She will call me and ask why the baby won’t stop crying. She will ask me for dinner ideas and the recipes to make them. She will call me crying because Price Charming just turned back into the ugly old toad. I will begin to regain IQ points at this point and we will come to a mutual respect of one another’s intelligence and ideas.

This too may not last long. Soon I will begin to lose my way and I will look to my daughter to guide me. She will have the answers for the doctors and the list of medications for the pharmacy. She will become the teacher.

And I will think she is the smartest woman in the world.