Mom Tip #65: Sometimes our Job just Stinks.

I'm not talking about the smells. Eau de poop and barf is definitely not one of the highlights of being a mom. Just the same there are so many other aspects of our job that stink that the smells really just act as a little whipped cream and cherry on top of all the other odor.

The hours stink. We are up at the butt crack of dawn (no offense to any Dawns in my audience - I'm sure your butt crack is adorable) and really have to hit the ground running. We can say that we sit in the quiet and savor our fabulous coffee, but chances are that if someone were to put a hidden camera in our house, they would find that we have the coffee in one hand and we are picking out clothes or washing dishes with the other.

But I got sidetracked (SURPRISE!). We cover the whole day working inside and outside our home and then we clock out (or not) and we head home (or not) to fold laundry, feed small and large mouths, bathe people, read stories, tuck in and call it a night. But we don't call it a night because now we are sneaking into rooms and putting away the laundry, washing dishes, paying bills, picking up toys and trying to get our heads on for the next day. We fall into bed only to be jarred awake by some noise in the middle of the night or we open our eyes to see a big toe on the end of our nose. Our hours stink.

The pay. Now some of my fine readers may very well have good paying careers outside of the home but sentimentality be flushed. I love my children and their hugs and their kisses and giggles. They really are something special. But it sure would be nice if someone really did pay me that $114,000 that some ridiculous government agency determined my work to be worth. And even nicer if they paid me in something other than a namby pamby tax break or day care credit. Pay me in the green.

Ahh Hah! I figured out the real stimulus package! Pay the stay at home moms and working moms for their parenting time. We in turn will hire teenagers to babysit while we go to spas and nail salons and malls and crafting and writing conventions. Or maybe we'll start our own businesses that will stimulate the ecomony. We will be spending that money you gave us. We will be providing jobs for working class people. As Mrs. Dolly Levi said, "Money is like manure. It does no good unless you spread it around." (Name that musical and a bonus for the person who names the actress who played her. Double bonus if you can tell me who the leading man was.)

Anyway, I'm just saying that for all the joy that being a mother can be, it's not a job for whiners and wimps. It's a job for selfless, dedicated, determined, focused people with no olfactory nerves.

Mom Tip #62: Know your Limits.

I can handle three children at a time. There was a period last summer where I was balancing six children at a time but I call that my Loonie Period and really don't remember much of it. At least I came out with both of my ears. I think. Yeah, they're both there.

But I know I can handle three at a time. Yesterday I had a fourth because Orangutan didn't have OAT and my spare exhibit is here this week. Yesterdayday I started to consider my stance on drinking before noon. But I know I can handle three.

Lion asks for extra exhibits from time to time. I tell him no - three is my limit. He begs. He pleads. He talks sweet and he tells me how cute I was when I was preggers and how sweet it is to fall asleep with a baby on your chest. That's when I schedule a day like today.

Yesterday was a day when I intentionally called him half way through the third hour of screaming and running laps around the kitchen, dining room, living room circuit. I made sure I called him when the very large, very loud stray dog was throwing itself at the front door. I made sure I talked to him in the middle of the playroom meltdown. Side note: Gravity is what takes the toys off the shelf and children cannot battle gravity. But that's for another day.

And still he came home and wondered why there was a pile of popcorn still laying in the middle of the foyer hall where the two two year olds had made a "snowstorm" for the two big ones while I was trying to make their dinner, feed the dog, answer the phone, fold laundry, wipe noses, clean the bathrooms, save dinner from burning, bake shortcakes, prep our dinner, talk to Spare's father, trip over the dog, run the vacuum, and snatch myself bald. On one cup of coffee.

Did I mention that a very scary dog kept barking and throwing itself at the front door?

I'm just saying that I know I can handle three. There will not be a #4. I know my limits and yesterday I pushed them.

Mom Tip Monday

I know that my Mom Tips are usually all about some off the wall something that my children have taught me. I thought maybe I would shake it up a little and give you something you could really use. Some real live tips for Mom's (and Dad's too!) from a Mom who somehow manages to function in this whole world of parenthood.

Let's start with our morning. I know a lot of families face some serious challenges getting out the door in the morning with minimal crying, wailing and gnashing of teeth - and that's just Mom! So here are a few little tricks that we pull that help get us out the door.

#1. Do as much the night before as you can.
And you know it would help if you could just do this one thing every night. Pick out/layout clothes the night before as part of your bed time routine. Down to the shoes! That way there is no scramble looking for the missing lefty in the morning.

#2. Pack lunches and prep your coffee pot while you clean up dinner.

There are two reasons I do this. A) it's done the night before (see #1). And B) I only have to clean up once.

#3. Focus on the task at hand.

Too many times I try to start laundry, make beds, get everyone out of the house, clean up breakfast, empty the dishwasher....well, you get my point! If you can empty the dishwasher while everyone is having breakfast, yay for you! Go for it. But remember if it's a hectic morning there are things that can wait.

Start there. Try those little tips out this next week (and really focus on them!) and let me know how it works for you. Next week we'll try to tackle some Housekeeping 101. I'm a stay home mom but I'll try to share tips that work for both or offer suggestions on how to tweak the tips to fit a working parent's life too.

If you have a housekeeping challenge that you would like to hear a Zookeeper's take on just drop me a line at ineedthezoo(at)yahoo(dot)com. I'll give it my best shot!