Friday, February 13, 2009

Mom Tip #61: Expect the Expected

Um, Sarah? Don't you mean the "unexpected?" Nope. Sure don't. Because eventually you will expect things to go exactly the opposite of nature. I'm only five years into this mom thing and I'm already indoctrinated to be surprised at nothing.

I was on the phone with The Great Silverback (aka Poppie) the other night. Orangutan was in the playroom being delightfully quiet with her coloring books. Rhino and Marmoset were playing with his wooden train set in the middle of the living room floor and dinner was simmering away on the stove. All was well and The Silverback and I were having a delightful conversation.

Unprovoked and unannounced Marmoset picked up a piece of train track, stood up, and promptly WHACKED Rhino on the head. Without so much as a squeak Rhino picked up a piece of train track, stood up and whacked Marmoset on the head.

Suddenly, both of their eyes flew wide open, their faces contorted as if they were possessed and they let out screams, wails and gnashing of teeth all mashed up together. It was almost as if they were surprised that their skulls were throbbing with cartoonish heartbeats even though they had just actively participated in the exchange.

Silverback immediately said, "You need to go!" To which I very calmly replied, "No, I don't. But give me a second anyway." This was followed by the next very brief exchange.

Marmoset, when you whack your brother you have to expect that he is going to whack you back. Got it? Good.

Rhino, when she stands up with something hard in her hand, it's safe to assume that she is going to whack you with it. Next time duck. Got it? Good.

The Silverback was obviously in tears at my calm and well thought out directions. I'm sure it's awe inspiring to observe my parenting skills in action but I never thought I would move anyone to tears. Then again, if the Grand Keeper (aka Grammy) and her laughter were any indication, the tears may have been more AT me than because of their awe.


Jenni Jiggety said...

LOL! Ah yes, the old "whack unto others, as you would have whacked unto you" parenting technique! A fav around here...

Cat@3KidsandUs said...

Okay, clearly I need to stop by here more often because that just completely cracked me up and I needed that tonight.

Kim @ What's That Smell? said...

You need to write a book. This is seriously good stuff.

Shannon said...

OMG I'm rolling on the floor laughing!