Mom Tip #34

How to decide if you want more children.

My beloved works outside of the home about 12-14 hours a day. I don’t. I’m here. All day. Every day. 7 days a week. I am here.

He keeps asking me for another baby. I keep laughing in his face!

If you are trying to decide if you should have another child, I suggest that you go through the Mom Tip Decision Maker.

Step 1 Give your children 2 peanut butter sandwiches and a bag of M&M’s. Allow them to eat until they are full. Then top them off with 2 gallons each of red koolaid.

Step 2 Call the children’s best friends and invite their mothers to drop them off for anywhere from a couple of hours to a full day. The length of time should be proportional to how badly you want a baby. Really REALLY want a baby? Have a sleepover complete with ice cream.

Step 3 Get the dog a new toy that he really loves to play with and toss him into the playroom with the children.

Then you test. If you can keep the house clean, refrain from snatching yourself bald, avoid the call from your local home owners association for violating the noise standard, and keep the neighbors from calling Child Protective Services, WITHOUT DRINKING, you are cleared for another child.

You are fine with the child count but your beloved keeps asking for more? Easy Peasy! Repeat Step 1, turn off your cell phone and head to Barnes and Noble for 2 hours. Problem solved!