Monday, August 18, 2008

Mom Tip #15

Yes, Motherhood changes everything!

(Yes, zoo members I went back to the archives today. This one was just too good not to share!)

Remember? How many of your friends who were already mothers told you that when you first found out you were pregnant? Yeah, me too! But I thought they were talking about the lifestyle thing. And yeah, that has changed but there's more they didn't warn me about. For example.....

My butt.
Maybe it's because I had my 3 very close together. Maybe it's because I had a sit down job while I was pregnant (hey, I know I'm reaching!). Here's the point. I could work out until the sun goes dark. I could live on celery and vitamin water for the rest of my life. But I am NEVER getting my butt back. There isn't a crowbar, roll of duct tape or bungee cord that is ever going to make my immoveable force get back into a size 6 pair of jeans. I have to face the facts.

My stomach.
I'm not talking about my abs - about a million more crunches and I might get those back. I'm talking about the organ inside. It will no longer accept hot food. It will only receive half eaten stone cold hot dogs from toddler plates or thoroughly cold, never touched food from my own plate but only if there is no one else left at the table and it’s eaten over the sink. My stomach has also converted from organ to steel. Sights and smells that would have once upon a time had me praying to the porcelain god now barely manage to make my eyes tear up.

My wardrobe.
I'm pretty sure there isn't a single article of clothing in my closet that doesn't have some very faint trace of spit up, jelly, juice, or unmentionable/unidentifiable stuff on it. And I know for certain that there isn't anything "just for pretty" in there. All my clothes have a very utilitarian air to them that make them very friendly with the washing machine. Oh wait! Back there?! Is that a dress? Nope, never mind. It's a six.

My car.
I can deal with giving up my pick up for a sedan. I have even come to grips with the fact that I had to give up my sedan for a minivan. I just want to have one day - just one! - when we get in the van and I don't step on a cheerio, cheeze it, or piece of....what IS that?! And what is that SMELL?!?!

My heart.
Someday I know I won't get my cardio workout from watching my son in an Easter basket at the top of the living room stairs. Or watching my toddler climb on top of the coffee table and grin in triumph while I'm up to my elbows in a raw turkey.

I also know that my heart will never be the size 1 that it once was. But I kind of like the size 5 that I have. It has just enough room for all the love that my hubby and children have brought into my life. Yeah. Motherhood changes everything alright. Just not exactly what you expect.


Anonymous said...

Amen, Sista! But I'm thinking of trying out duct tape and bunjee cords on my bum... it's worth a shot