Talk me Down People!

I mean it! Send the intervention team because I am teetering here!

Yesterday the Rhino had a less than stellar day at R.A.T. And when I say "less than stellar" I'm really saying he lost his ever lovin' mind. We won't get into the nitty gritty details but the bottom line is that military school is looking like a real possibility. When I referred to his punishment as "solitary confinement" yesterday I was being kind.

Once I calmed down (close to midnight last night) I worked with his teacher to devise a behavior chart and reward system which we launched today. This week there are cool underpants and ice cream hanging in the balance. Don't think about that too much; it's gross. But now I have to devise some rewards for going forward.

Lion put some time at the driving range on the block since Rhino seems to have an affinity for golf. And we always have good ole Monkey Joe's and Chucky Cheeze that we can put up for bids (although I would rather have bamboo shoved under my fingernails). But even that is only 4 weeks' worth of rewards.

I was commiserating with a friend this morning about the whole deal. In the process of conversation we started talking about our attempts to get some speech therapy for the little guy. Yeah, he's a mess; but he's ours. My pal suggested that maybe if we can get the speech going he'll feel like he's in control of something else and his behavior will start to settle down.

My brain said "hmmm, give him something else to control." And this is where the intervention comes in because the next thing that went through my brain was, "What if I get him a small pet that is his responsibility? His thing to control!"

In an ideal situation, the security dog doesn't eat the new small pet. In an ideal situation Rhino feels a responsibility for his new pal and he feeds it and helps clean the cage and takes care of it. In an ideal situation the girls don't get jealous and demand their own "responsibilities" which (knowing my luck) could lead to more "little responsibilities."

This Zoo is not conducive to "ideal situations."

This is a bad idea, right? I really shouldn't do this. I should just stick to ice cream and M&M's and Happy Meals. Talk me down friends because in my desperation not to be known at the mother of the school lunatic, the idea of a George and Gladys is appealing to me right now.

I should probably go eat. It has to be the low blood sugar talking.

Free to a Good Home

One boy.

Gently used.

Very good with younger children and animals.
Enjoys trains, trucks, and dirt.

Merely needs room to run, perpetual feeding and an owner with no sense of smell as his idea of good hygiene is limited to wiping his hands in his hair.

Will consider a trade for a large lazy dog.

This, my dear Rhino, is the ad that will run in Sunday's paper if you put me through another day like today.

Shove Sentiment!

Can I blip yesterday from the grid and try again? Seriously?

I was off to a wonderful start with getting all my blog posting up and commenting like a fiend. I didn't do much because I knew it was a short morning with O having an early release day. All was going well.

Then Marmoset and her pal decided to clean out all the gravel and sand in the bottom of the fireplace onto my livingroom floor. I can deal.

Then they emptied my purse and coupon organizer all over kingdom come.

We went to get O.

We came home, had lunch, and went down for naps. Pal decided to strip. I redressed Pal put her back down and took a shower. I came out of the shower and Pal has stripped again, this time distributing the contents of her diaper for me. Marmoset only got an hour nap.

I spent the rest of the afternoon trying to keep Marmie and Pal where I could see them at all times while still making sure Rhino got to the potty on a regular schedule and O had a steady supply of snacks for her tapeworm. Well, it HAS to be a tapeworm. No healthy child eats like that!

Then we handed Pal off to second sitter and packed up for Rhino's check up. We've been away from the city for two years now. I forgot how nasty traffic is especially in the rain. It took me 10 minutes to get within a mile of the doctor's office. It took me another 25 to actually make that mile.

Then it was an hour for the checkup, vision, hearing, and "shops" as Rhino calls them. Did I mention that it was still raining? That meant that traffic was still snargled beyond belief so it was another 45 minutes to get home (a 15 minute drive without traffic but who am I kidding? There's always traffic!).

I followed all the other chaos up with a disasterous dinner for everyone (who burns corndogs?) topped off by a blue birthday cake with white icing. It was his birthday; if he wanted Smurf cake who was I to say no? At least I talked him out of the blue frosting.

Did I mention that I've been in a perpetual allergy attack all day? Sneezing, itchy eyes, snotty head, and stopped up ears. Did I also mention that I have Pal and Rhino's BFF again tomorrow after I register Rhino for school?

If I'm not on drugs already (which I may be...I'm not sure) I probably should be.

***************************************************

I wrote this last night before I went to bed and I was revisiting in hopes that I had a better perspective. I don't. Did I mention that I lost the keys to my van at some point in all the chaos last evening? Did I mention that I searched all morning only to realize that I left them in my hooded sweatshirt which was going in the laundry? I should have known it wasn't going to be a much better day.

So Rhino's BFF didn't come today after all because he's under the weather. But Pal is back. Stab me in the ears. Another cleaning out of the fireplace. More pinching and scratching. There's a Mom Tip in this. I'll be back when I can tip and not rant.

Where's my coffee? It's entirely too early for an "Uh Oh" moment.

Mom NEEDS a Tip!

I know! I'm usually the one dolling them out but this time I need your help!

How do you stop your child from being a bully? I know! Mine are only five, three, and 20 months. How in the world am I facing bullying? I don't know but I know I want to stop it IMMEDIATELY!!

Here's the deal. The Rhino feels the need to rule the roost and he will do it anyway he can. He loves to just get in someone's (anyone will do!) face and just push every possible button until Mom is tweaked. He is especially effective at getting the Orangutan going. And even more effective if he is in the livestock trailer where she has no escape and I can't reach him.

I should probably define what he is doing too. He loves to use his "pinchies" (full hand pinch - much like a claw) to grab things and then when you aren't expecting it suddenly he pinches your arm. Or he'll suddenly just reach out and snargle your hair into a huge mess getting his fingers tangled in the process so that when you tell him to let go he has no choice but to pull. Oh, and my favorite. He plants his head in the middle of your chest or belly and he just "bulldogs" you away from wherever you are or whatever you are doing/playing with.

I have given the Orangutan permission to bully back if we are in the trailer and he starts this nonsense but I would rather break him of it all together. He heads to school in the fall and if I don't get rid of it by summer I'm in for a rough start to our school experience.

So tell me - how do you handle it when YOUR child is the bully?

Mom Tip #46

Suck it up and pay the price now to save on the bill later.

I am not sure how things work at your house but at my house discipline is never easy. It is ugly. It is hard. And it happens all too frequently for my tastes. I honestly thought my folks were full of it when they said “This hurts me more that it hurts you.” Balderdash! Right? Wrong!

Round two of the dental drama that is Magoo’s mouth happened this morning. And once again the two little ones had to go with me. The Boy has been a little prone to dramatic outbursts lately so I was bracing for a rough ride. It really was not very helpful that we overslept by an hour and were rushing to get out the door to only be five minutes late to the appointment. I just knew things were going to go south and fast because this was a very long appointment. Why would they have mercy and wait until the very end to lose their minds?

There could have been a million other reasons they were angels. It could have been the endless parade of people to watch and consider. It could have been the movie on in the little side theater. It could have just been that they knew Mom was a mental case already and they took pity on me.

However, I am going to take the credit for their behavior. I am going to say that it was the fear of the discipline that made them think twice when the temptation to act up kicked in. I am going to say it was the steely eyed crazy look that I had in my back pocket ready for immediate activation if things even looked like they were going to get wild.

I am going to say that it was my sacrifice on the altar of discipline that led me to a peaceful visit to the dental office. I paid my dues and as a reward I was spared from paying more in the form of extreme embarrassment and crazy looks from other mothers in the waiting area.

So the next time you have to “bust someone down to size” remember that paying the price now will please the behavior gods and they will reward you later. Or you could just try being as delusional as I am. That works too.

Mom Tip #44

You’re not imagining it; your children DO have multiple personalities.

Lord of the Manor had a moment yesterday. He looked at me and said, “What is wrong with him!? I don’t like his attitude or behavior at all today!!” Welcome to my world dear.

The Boy really does have multiple personalities. When it’s just us (Tuck, Munch and Mom) he is as sweet as can be. He plays with Munch, shares his toys, helps me clean, goes potty without prompting, is a general angel.

Then we go pick Mo up from school. The Boy turns into Mr. Aggravation and Whine. He picks fights, shoves both girls, whines about everything, and refuses to acknowledge that the bathroom even exists. Tell him no or correct him and he flips out like a cornered badger!

Mo isn’t an exception. She can be calm, quiet, kind, giving, and as attentive as anything. Then something snaps in here and suddenly she’s a wild woman who won’t listen to anything and is ricocheting off the walls like a Super Ball on a on a pound of Pixie Sticks.

The only benefit to the multiple personalities is Munch. She can be incredibly sweet or outright hysterical. She was eating lunch today and suddenly started channeling Chewbacca’s love child from an Ewok! Still cute and cuddly but the noises she was making had me about to pee on myself. And the more I laughed, the louder and faster she Sqrowled (new term – squeaked and growled).

My only advice is to make a list of the personalities and when they arise. I know Mr. Aggravation rears his nasty little head when Tuck needs a snack. I know Wild Woman pops up when Mo is so tired she can barely stand up.

I have no idea what started baby Chewy today but you can bet that I’m going to trigger her as often as possible!

The other option is to start expressing your own personalities (you know that you have them!) and something tells me that that might just compound the problem.