Come on out Camera Man!

I have learned so much about my children this summer. 

Orangutan knows no strangers and has no idea what "family business only" means.  She will talk to anyone about anything all day long.  Whether they want to hear or know it.  Yes, it IS embarrassing.  And if you don't know all about our vacation to PA then you don't live within a 15 mile radius.

Rhino is all boy.  From naked happy dances to non stop eating to just general grossness, he couldn't be more boy if you pumped him full of 'roids.  And no, that's not an invite.  Heaven knows, he's already moody enough.

But the focus of today is Marmoset.  I believe I have shared in the past that the fellows at Lion's old office used to call her "Hollywood" because she never showed up without her shades.  Well, she is definitely headed for "Last Comic Standing." 

She insists that someone go to the bathroom with her every time she has to go.  The whole time she is in there she is making faces and talking in weird voices and telling me stories that would make me roll on the floor if it wasn't the bathroom.  Yesterday she felt the need to inform me that her behind had exploded and she really didn't want it put back together.  "'Cause I like it like this!  And I won't need unders!"

I really looked up to see where the hidden camera was.  I mean someone has to coach a kid to say these things, don't they?  And to say it in a 65 year old smoking bartender's voice at the same time?  I mean really.  Lion had to have signed some reality TV contract behind my back.

I wonder what I will have to do to get voted off the island.

Lessons Learned at R.A.T.

(Reminder that's Rhino Academic Training.)

Lesson #1. Tighty Whities aren't cool.
If you want to keep the neato baseball and basketball underpants you wore to school on your body, you HAVE to take full advantage of every bathroom opportunity afforded you by your oh, so gracious teacher.

Lesson #2. It's the one with the boy on the door.
If you don't want to be known as the nutball kid in school, you have to use the right bathroom at the afforded bathroom times. It went something like this:

ZK (that's me): So what else did you do today?
R: Wellllll, I used the bathroom at lunch!
ZK: All by yourself?! Good job pal!
R: Yeah, but it was the girls' bathroom by accident.
ZK: Oh NOOOO! What happened?
R: Ummmmm....
ZK: Rhino, were there girls in the bathroom at the time?
R: Yeah. Too many
ZK: Did you leave and go to the boy bathroom?
R: No! I had to go REALLY bad so I just closed the door and went.
ZK: Let's go over this one more time buddy. Mommy can't go in the boys' bathroom so you have to come in the girls bathroom ONLY when you are with me. At school, you have to use the boy bathroom.

R: You shoulda aminded me about that this morning!

Lesson #3. If all else fails, blame Mom!

The Lion's Take on Redecorating

Dear Lion, I warned you I was going to do this! Deal!

We have lived in our house for three years. Ask me how many rooms we have "decorated." How about half of three. No, I don't mean a room and a half. I mean we have half decorated three rooms. We painted the Orangutan exhibit - but no curtains or pictures on the walls. We painted the Rhino exhibit (when he was in a solo exhibit) and put up a valance and border. But when Marmoset came she evicted him to the Orangutan exhibit and I painted her exhibit. Again no pictures, but we do have a valance up. And then you have the Lion Den. It got painted but the one picture that was up before the painting still hasn't gone back up.

We're not so good at this decorating thing.

Well, the washing machine died yesterday so we are off to the great orange heaven (aka Home Depot) this weekend to get a new washer. Aha! The perfect chance! So I zipped the Lion an e-mail that went like this.

"Hey. I was thinking. Can we get some KILZ and paint for the bathroom while we are at Depot this weekend? We have the gift cards from Bed Bath and Beyond and Steinmart so maybe we could redo our bathroom for the cost of paint. I've been watching the mildew and the peeling ceiling for a while now so we need to do something.

Just an idea. I'll do the work."

That was a pretty generous offer I thought - especially considering all the little nooks and crannies and cutting in that need to be done.

The Lion's response? (And I'm pulling this right from the e-mail!)

"IT’S NOT MLDEW ITS CHARM"

My response? You can call it penicillin, love but it's still mold.

Let's hope I don't end up with this on the bathroom wall.